Dear Mom...

"Her children rise up and call her blessed" -Proverbs 31:28

Mom,
I remember the first time, after Noah was born, when I called you and thanked you for everything you did as a mom.  It wasn't until I became one that I really realized what being a stay-at-home mom meant.
When Noah became a toddler, I discovered how many meals you either had to re-heat or eat cold.  I found out how you can collapse on a couch in the evening and feel exhausted while also wondering if you managed to accomplish anything during the day.  Thank you for your sacrifices, Mom.   
When Eleanor has her sassy moments and she is willfully disobedient and drives me insane, I am amazed that you were able to raise two daughters.  I remember the way Stephanie and I used to fight.  Thank you for not strangling us, Mom.
When Caleb struggles with his speech and I take the extra time to help him hear the word, form his mouth, and try again, I think of the times you made flash cards to help us learn.  You read countless library books to us.  Thank you for being a teacher, Mom.
When Ezekiel is supposed to be burping but instead curls up against me and nestles his face into my neck as he falls asleep, I am reminded that my original life plans didn't have a fourth child in them and I am so very, very thankful that God changed my plans.  I know, Mom, there are days you regret not going to college.  Thank you for encouraging me to go, to leave home when I graduated, to experience life a bit before settling down with a family.
I hope you can see, Mom, how your decisions have had a lasting impact, are always leaving a legacy.
I know that, in the last couple years, especially, you have struggled with feeling like a failure and a bad mom.  You're not.  I never thought you were.  Thank you, also, for welcoming Tim into our family, for loving him as a son, for encouraging him in and giving him verbal affirmation with his talents and abilities.  He loves you as well.
And just as I hope my kids do this for me one day, I forgive you, Mom.  For all the times I may not remember, that you may carry guilt over, I forgive you.  I know there are days when I think, I hope my kids don't remember all the times I failed today and this moment I've lost my patience, lost my mind. I hope they forgive me for days like these.  I forgive you for passing on a spirit of worry and anxiety that your mom passed on to you.  I forgive you for decisions you made that had effects on our family.  I know you're not perfect.  Thankfully, you know that more important than my forgiveness, is God's.
Thank you, most of all, for passing on that most important fact in life.  Thank you for teaching me about God's love, forgiveness, and saving grace.  As I have become an adult and grown older, I appreciate and enjoy watching you grow in your faith and encourage me in mine.  Thank you for teaching me that it is a journey and we always have room to grow and learn. 
You are a blessing, Mom.  You are blessed.  You bless others.
I love you.
Andrea



            

                

Thoughts Merging

It is quiet at my parents' house. Outside, that is. Huddled in a warm hooded sweatshirt and surrounded by a blanket, I sit on their back deck in crisp morning air. Alone.
I listen to birds twittering and calling and take pause when they fly to the bird feeders just feet away from where I sit. Chickadees and finches flit quickly about. My parents live on ten acres and I look forward into a wooded area.
Rest. Peace. Quiet. I find myself thinking of them often, longing for them, writing of them. Probably because with four kids under six years old, I don't have much quiet or rest. Sometimes I find myself anxious for the days when my kids are older - teenagers who sleep in, and I have the opportunity to wake up and drink a cup of chai by myself.
As I stare at the yard and the grass so green in April, I can already imagine summer visits here. I can visualize Ellie in a sundress - how she loves dresses right now - running like the tornado she is, barefoot through the grass. I can see the bruises and scrapes covering the legs of little adventurous boys, telltale markings of summer. Dirty feet and knees and fingernails. Skin kissed by the sun. Ezekiel learning to crawl and discovering this new outdoor land.
The land I grew up on myself. Running in and between clothes drying on a long line stretched between two posts. Gleeful shrieks coming from four-wheeler rides with Grandpa. Adventure walks back into the woods. I should take them on a picnic back there this year. Running after bubbles and through sprinklers and falling onto soft green blades of mowed grass.
Soon my own childhood memories mix with my visions of future moments with my children and I see them juxtaposed. It stops me and I think of how I enjoyed being a kid in the summer. How I have days when I long to go back. And it hits me that so many days I want life to speed up to get to "easier times and ages" of the kids and I realize -
Why would I want to wish these away for them?

His Imagination is Growing

They came.

By helicopter and rescue vehicle they came.

By motorcycle they came.


In a large mass with briefcases and in uniforms they came.

And after they worked at their stations,

And after they put away bad guys...

They made one boy very happy to show off his creation.

Tea?

A couple months ago, on a day when Tim was home from work, Noah was at school, a very tired Caleb was catching up with a morning nap, along with a sleeping newborn, Tim and I invited Ellie to a tea party while playing a Fancy Nancy card game. She accepted and we donned our finest.

Cupcakes and cranberry juice were served.

And we ate every last morsel.

Springter!

Happy first day of spring!
Although, we had such a mild winter for Michigan, and the last few days have been in the '80s and sunny, that it feels like we skipped spring and wait straight to summer. I keep having to remind myself that we're only in March, yet it feels like school should be ending anytime now. Flowers are starting to grow, buds are coming in on trees, mosquitoes have made their appearance...yuck on that one. My kids are covered in sweat and dirt most days as they come in from afternoons spent building forts, pretending to guard castles, and chasing down robbers stealing from banks. It is fun to watch how their imaginations have grown in the past year and how differently they play outside now compared to last summer. It's an entirely new world for them in the backyard.
We have changes that are going to happen in our family - NO, there are no more babies expected, so clear that one out of your head. I am going to wait a little longer in announcing it, just until it gets closer to the time.
I love all the newness of springtime, all the rebirth. God brought us out of a rough winter and we are especially basking in His warmth and goodness after being in a desert land. Great is His faithfulness, indeed!
I'll leave you with some photos from a recent trip to Meijer Gardens. The butterflies are out and flying around!

Noah and Caleb check out what's outside the window.

As does Ellie, who wore foam curlers in her hair for the first time the night before.

Rest

It is quiet in the house tonight. Noah and Tim are at AWANA. I am home with a tired Caleb, a just-shy-of-healthy Eleanor, and Ezekiel, who is napping before his next feeding.
The living room is dimly lit, just enough to read and write without straining eyes. In the dining room, a candle burns bright in the middle of the table. Bon Iver's music is softly streaming from the kitchen.
It is late February and at almost 7:00 it is not quite dark yet, a wonderful sneak peek of longer - and warmer - days just around the corner.
The scene is ideal, isn't it? Why? This is not what our home was like just two hours ago. At that time, the kids were noisily chasing each other through the house while i tried to tell Ellie to lay on the couch and rest. Tim was trying to calm a crying 10-week-old who knew it was time for his dinner as I stood in the kitchen preparing plates of food and thanking God for meals that only need to be re-heated from the freezer.
The opposite of now.
I think that to have that peace and quiet in the midst of, or following, chaos is important. It allows our brains to think without multitasking. It lets our bodies sit and rest after a day of what feels like non-stop movement. It is a moment we can grasp to enjoy a hobby without feeling guilty for it.
Take time to rest.
To refill.
Re-energize.
To listen to God.
Read.
Be silent.
Enjoy.

"And he said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.' For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat." -Mark 6:31

Sun

Have you ever noticed how things seem brighter with the sun?
I noticed this one day while I was folding laundry. Folding laundry is such a chore for me. When the days are gray and dreary and seem hopeless, I let the piles of clean clothes sit in our bedroom and ignore them. But with the sun, well, that's another story. Suddenly, I can tackle the chores and even be cheerful in doing it.
Walking around, I notice that our house is overall more pleasant in the presence of the sun. The kids seem to play better, their parents refreshed, and joy fills the home. Warmth. Light. Ah, the sun.
I love the sun. I love the way it drives out the dreary from our home, from our attitudes. I love the boost it gives on days that could otherwise feel hopeless. I love the way the sun causes rebirth and growth and new life - Spring!
I feel I can tackle just about anything on a day I open my eyes and see the sun.

Have you ever noticed how things seem brighter with the SON?
I noticed this one day while I was folding laundry. Folding laundry is such a chore for me. When the days are gray and dreary and seem hopeless, I let the piles of clean clothes sit in our bedroom and ignore them. But with the SON, well, that's another story. Suddenly, I can tackle the chores and even be cheerful in doing it.
Walking around, I notice that our house is overall more pleasant in the presence of the SON. The kids seem to play better, their parents refreshed and joy fills the home. Warmth. Light. Ah, the SON.
I love the SON. I love the way HE drives out the dreary from our home, from our attitudes. I love the boost HE gives on days that could otherwise feel hopeless. I love the way the SON causes rebirth and growth and new life - Spring!
I feel I can tackle just about anything on a day I open my eyes and see the SON.

"Whatever you do, do heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." -Colossians 3:23
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13