The Rosses

Forgive Me

2012-01-09T20:18:00.002-05:00

My dear Ezekiel,
Last night held a..."a moment" you could say. We haven't been to church since the beginning of December. Between your birth and traveling and people being sick and just overall transitioning, we decided to lay low for a few weeks. I stayed home yesterday morning with you and Caleb since he has an ear infection and has been having a rough time lately.
Last night, however, we did take an hour to go to the prayer meeting at church since they were focusing on praying over certain committees and Daddy is on one of them. In the time leading up to prayer, when some requests were being shared, you started squawking and squeaking and making all those adorable noises newborns make. Our pastor, who was sitting in the row in front of us, raised his hand and said, "Those noises you hear behind me come from one of our newest members, Ezekiel Ross. I find it fitting that his first time in church would be at prayer meeting tonight. It was a prayer meeting just months ago that his mom stood up and announced she was pregnant and scared. Now here he is and we're all happy to have him here."
It's true, Zeke. I stood up at a prayer meeting in the spring, the only other one we've been to, actually, and told them about how I felt when I found out I was pregnant this time. I was angry. Terrified. An emotional mess. I cried for days.
And the Lord met me in my emotional wreck. He used a devotional reading from the book, "Jesus Calling" to speak to my heart and remind me Who was - Who is - in control.
You see, Ezekiel, I don't feel I do the mothering thing well.
I am not who I thought I would be as a mom. My life is not what I thought it would be. I know now that is ok, but I am learning how to find joy in my present. You and Caleb were not in my plan.
That is why I am so surprised - so thankful - by the intensity of love I feel for both of you. I know you could read this one day and take it as me saying you weren't wanted.
Not true.
Although you were a surprise to me and Dad, although it was difficult for me to wrap my mind around having four children, although it meant a change of plans that we had set for ourselves...I cherished my pregnancy with you still. I gasped at those first flutterings when I felt you move inside me. I cried when I saw your heart beat on that fuzzy ultrasound monitor. I loved hearing the ultrasound technician tell us you were a boy.
When you look up and your eyes catch mine and they hold, my heart melts, Ezekiel. I wonder at times if I am going to break out in sobs the way my eyes tear up. It amazes me that a heart can hold so much love.
Love for Noah.
Love for Eleanor.
Love for Caleb.
Love for you.
How does the heart not divide in this way of love in order to be there for each one? Yes, time has to be divided. While the love is multiplied and abounds, time divides unfortunately. Noah had those special first years of parenthood from us. The learning years of devoted, undivided time. No one else will really have that.
It doesn't mean we love any of you less, however.
I can't imagine our life without you in it. Not yet 4 weeks on this earth and you have already made your place firmly in our family. I could hold you all day long if given the opportunity and not grow tired of being close to you. Your dad loves to snuggle up with you at the end of the day to relax. Your siblings always want to know where you are, what you're doing...yes, at times the novelty of a new brother has worn off...but they can't wait for you to grow bigger so they can play with you.
You are wonderful.
You are a gift...such a gift.
You are loved.
You have already been used by God to teach us so much and it is my prayer that one day you will open your heart to Him in order to be used for much more.

I love you with a part of my heart I didn't know existed until your birth~
Love,
Mom

Happy Birth Day!

2011-12-26T11:16:00.006-05:00

He came on the day we prayed he wouldn't.
Two days past his due date, and having rejected the ideal days to be born, he made his appearance, just a reminder that babies will come when they want (unless they're a c-section or induction.) Ellie's first preschool Christmas program was on a Thursday morning so I had gone from asking people to pray her baby brother would be born on a certain day to asking them to pray that he wouldn't come until Thursday afternoon at the earliest.
He didn't get the memo.
On Wednesday, December 14th, I woke up at 1:30am. Just because. You know how it goes - you're pregnant, you have to wake up and pee every couple hours. Typically I fall quickly asleep again but not this time. Then, at 3:00am, just as I was starting to drift off to sleep finally, I felt a contraction. Quite a bit stronger than the ones I had been feeling over the past couple weeks.
11 minutes later another one.
9 minutes later another.
"Tim," I said quietly.
"Hmmmm?" he muttered sleepily.
"I think we're having a baby today."
"Ok."
7 minutes later another.
Then another.
"I'm going to start getting everything together," I told him.
"Why don't you lay down and rest?" he asked. "We're not supposed to go in until they're 5 minutes apart for an hour."
"Yeah," I countered. "That rule doesn't apply to people on their fourth delivery, when the past two labors were only four hours long and who have to drive forty minutes in to the hospital and who are already dilated to four centimeters. I'm getting up."
He was so laid back it was driving me crazy.
I finished packing the suitcases and went on to wake the kids up since the contractions had started being 5 minutes apart and it was now 4:00am. I called our friends who had offered to watch the kids and told them to meet us at the hospital. I called my mom and set up plans with her that my dad would still go in to work, she would still wait at home for the fuel gas people to come fill their tank (they had not had heat for 4 days before that) and they would come to Grand Rapids that evening to see us and pick up the kids.
Tim, during this time, was deciding to get the kids a snack and was still quite laid back.
I was still yelling out contractions and suddenly Tim snapped into reality.
"Quick! They're four minutes apart! Get in the car! Get the kids in the car! Do you have everything?"
After loading up our very excited and very awake children and the suitcases, we were off to GR. We pulled up to the hospital around 5:00am and he dropped me off at the ER entrance, then went to meet our friends and hand the kids off to them. I made my way in and was soon taken up to triage where they put me on the bed, declared me 6 cm dilated and strapped the monitors to me.
And that's when my labor started stalling.
I was moved up to a labor and delivery room and my contractions slowed to around 8 minutes apart and mild enough to not be bothersome. I started sleeping between them. My doctor broke my water and nothing progressed. I briefly walked the halls and bounced on the birthing ball with no success.
My doctor started Pitocin at 9:00am.
At 10:00 am I was still at a 6 with nothing happening. The nurse upped the Pitocin a bit and suggested I lay in a different position. Since I had felt his head down on the left side of my pelvic bone area for the end of the pregnancy, I decided to lay on my right side in hopes it would help him slide down.
And did it!
The contractions immediately started coming 2-3 minutes apart and after a couple, I called my nurse back in. She checked me and said I was at a 7. I called her back in a few minutes later and said I felt LOTS of pressure and that I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. She said that was good, that it was the baby moving down.
I told her she had better check me again. She seemed a little hesitant since she had just been in there to check but did it anyways.
I was 9 cm.
She called my doctor in and he checked me and said it was time to push.
After about 15-20 minutes of pushing - which I could have shortened because I knew I wasn't pushing the right way but I was stalling it then, I could remember the pain from pushing Caleb out, the "ring of fire" if you will, and just really, REALLY didn't want to feel it again - when my doctor said, "I can see his head. I see hair."
"Dark hair?" I asked.
"Dark hair."
"Lots of it?" I asked with hope.
"I see the top of a head with lots of dark hair," he confirmed.
And with that, my baby came out with the next push.
After 8 hours since my first contraction, with only 3 of those hours actually feeling like I was in labor and 5 hours being stalled, we welcomed our fourth baby - third son - into the world at 11:05am.
Ezekiel Nelson Ross
Ezekiel means "Strength of God" and we picked it because we were knew we were going to need God's strength to enter a season of life we never expected by having four children.
Nelson is my maiden name. My parents only had two girls and so it's a way for me to honor my dad and pass on his last name.
His nickname is Zeke.
He has been an added surprise into our journey and less than a month ago we welcomed him with love.

Early Mornings and Waiting

2011-11-22T06:41:00.004-05:00

Well, am I an inconsistent blogger or what?
November 22nd - 2 days until Thanksgiving. 20 days until my due date.
I started nesting over the weekend. Things that were on my to-do list for this week just couldn't wait any longer in my mind by the time last Saturday rolled around. The baby clothes were sorted by size, washed, dried and put away. Tim found me in our bedroom emptying books off a tall bookshelf that I suddenly decided was to be moved to a different area of the room. Thankfully, he found me before the bookshelf had been moved so he could do that part himself. I'm a bit stubborn and when I start rearranging I tend to forget the restrictions...or maybe ignore them, I'm not sure.
The bassinet has been set up in the little area that was cleared by moving the bookshelf. The changing table area on top our dresser is ready and waiting for a baby. Although I need to find the changing pad. Or buy a new one if I gave the other away. Hmmm. That's on the to-do list for today.
To-do lists. One to be done today: Clean bathroom. Change sheets on beds. Pick up house before small group tonight. Finish reading the chapter to be discussed for small group.
There's the brief Thanksgiving one to be done tomorrow before heading to my parents' house: pack an overnight bag and bake an apple pie.
There's the homemade Christmas gifts one: make superhero capes for the kids. Make a blanket for Caleb. Tim - make dress up clothes station for Ellie.
I still have to pack my hospital bag.
And work: research and write grants.
To-do lists to be accomplished while waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I know these last weeks are going to fly by and yet sometimes I think they are the hardest. The discomfort has set in.
Waking up every 2 hours at night to go to the bathroom and roll over to sleep on my other side. Waking up at 5:00 every morning and not being able to fall back asleep. Although, I'd rather wake up at 5:00 am than 4:00 am, which is what was happening for awhile. I like these quiet morning hours with everyone else asleep. It allows for time to do different things: catch up on Pinterest, read, have my quiet/devotional time, work.
The early mornings are also making me excited for when this little one decides to join the family. I love looking around the living room and picturing it decorated for Christmas. The tree in the corner with twinkling lights, stockings hung on our "mantle", the peaceful quiet in the early morning hours all snuggled up in a blanket with a warm cup of chai or tea or hot chocolate. I'm looking forward to feeding and snuggling a tiny body against mine in this room in the hours where it is just him and I.
And so I wait...patiently...impatiently...it goes back and forth. We can't wait to meet him. There is the anticipation of finding out what he looks like, who he looks like. Each of the kids has had different color hair. Will he be a surprise red head or will he resemble one of the others? What hair Noah had was so blond that he looked bald. Eleanor was, and is, strawberry blond. Caleb's looked dark but is auburn, hints of red running through brown. Will he be long or short? Chubby or thin? Oh, the waiting.
I can't wait to enjoy my winter early mornings with him.

It Goes Both Ways

2011-08-09T13:36:00.003-04:00

Recently I have been hearing about many marriages that are breaking up or separating or just listening to wives who are frustrated with their husbands. It makes me sad because I can't relate. I don't have a perfect marriage but I am pretty darn blessed. I am able to open my eyes in the morning, look over at Tim and wonder how it's possible to be more in love now than when we got married just over 8 years ago.
Then I realized something that really makes a difference in our marriage: we empathize with each other, not just sympathize, but really feel and relate to what the other is experiencing. For instance:
I got the kids settled with their lunches today. Before starting mine, I decided to clean up the mess on the counter I had made while making theirs, thinking about what time I should start dinner for tonight so that we could be done eating in enough time to get to Tim's soccer game. Then I realized I needed to switch the laundry over. While I wrestled carrying a load of laundry from the dryer to the bed, where I would need to think about folding it at some point today, Noah asked if I could get him more water. At this point, I thought about how I could have almost snapped. Here I am caring for my family's physical needs (eating), social calendar (soccer) and home management (laundry.) That's a lot to juggle all at the same moment in time. I can see why we women get overwhelmed!
I know husbands who still have the idea in their heads that the wife should be following the same format from the '50s, where dinner is ready when they get home, the kids are clean, the wife is showered and dressed to impress, and the house is spotless and quiet. Ha! Gone are those days, men. Accept it. Life is different 60 years later.
Thankfully, Tim gets this. What helped him was when he had to experience it for a few days last fall during my "busy season" of work, and he didn't even have to experience it to the max. All he had to do was be a stay-at-home dad for a few days, but I still planned out meals ahead of time - either in the crock pot or having a casserole ready to pop in the oven - dropped Noah off at school and planned for my work day on top of it. By the second day of experiencing a week in my shoes, he was begging to go to Meijer and run errands when I got home at the end of the day. He understood the importance of needing a break and needing to get out of the house for a couple hours!
But it goes both ways. I have also learned about Tim and his work. I realize that when he gets home, it doesn't help him if I start nagging as soon as he comes through the door. He is a painter and physically exhausted when he is done with the day. I really came to realize this when we started working on projects together and I would have to paint. My arms grew tired quickly! Then I realized he does it for 8-10 hours a day! Sometimes he's painting ceilings or sanding or staining or doing all sorts of different things. I have to put myself in his daily shoes to see what he's experiencing to appreciate what he does to provide for our family.
I wonder how many people do that. Maybe more wives need to experience what their husband is doing for them to appreciate it rather than growing jealous that he gets to "get out of the house" every day. Maybe more husbands need a couple days with the kids - without help from surrounding family - to appreciate their wives and loosen their expectations of what one can accomplish in a day.
I am thankful for my husband. So thankful. I love the home we have created and the path we are walking on through life. It's not always fun, but I know we'll try to relate to each other as we go through it together.

Another Bonus!

2011-07-19T14:33:00.003-04:00

A bonus baby that is!
We are expecting a son (3 boys and 1 girl in our family- who would have ever thought!) in December.
We were a bit...shocked. Especially since we had just reached a decision that Tim would undergo "the procedure." I even played an April Fool's joke on my dad where I called and said, "Hey, Dad, you know how every time I run a 5K I end up pregnant?" (This happened when I found out I was pregnant with Caleb.) He laughed and I laughed and we wished each other a happy April Fool's Day.
The joke is always on me it seems.
3 days later, while we were on vacation, I got my purse calendar out to look at an upcoming date. That's when I counted.
And counted.
And counted again.
Then I asked Tim to go to Target and get me a test.
He did and within seconds there were 2 very clear lines.
After making it through the rest of our vacation, I came home and cried for a week straight. Oh, to feel such anger was beyond me. I struggled with emotions I had not deal with before, even when I found out I was pregnant with Caleb.
It felt like the opposite of the infertile couple's anger. Instead of, "Why, Lord, can others get pregnant but not me?" it became "Why, Lord, are you giving me another baby when there are people out there who really want one?"
Then God humbled me.
He always seems to do that well.
He spoke to me during my quiet time in the devotional I was reading. (Ever read Jesus Calling?
You should.) He reminded me that my plans are not His and that His are far better.
So I began to rest in His peace.
We are excited. Tim and the kids always were. Tim always adjusts quicker than me.
And a boy!
Goodness, we had a girl name picked out but couldn't settle on a boy's. We still can't! Although there are a couple front-runners finally.
Another bonus baby...

Blogging Hiatus Reason #2

2011-07-19T13:56:00.002-04:00

I literally just took a sigh.
Or, a very deep breath.
I am not sure how to write this one. What information to give and keep. How to recognize the line between honesty and being open that separates it from sharing a story that isn't only mine.
Another sigh.
I found out back in October that someone very close to me (but not me - this is not an "I have a friend..." but the friend is really the narrator situation) is in an abusive marriage. Not physical, not yet. Hopefully, not ever. But emotional. And verbal.
We could do nothing but watch and pray and hold our breath as her husband repeatedly kicked her out of the house, threatening divorce and then took her back in. We listened to her tears as she told story after story of the lies he told his children about her about her being in love with other men, being a f------ whore, being a liar.
Hypocrite he is when it comes to lying.
Have you ever watched someone in an abusive situation? You watch as the victim becomes more broken down by the abuser. You stand on the outside - because they don't let you in, they can't let you in - and wait to see what will happen. You start doing crazy things, like actually hoping the abuser will die in a car accident or something so that the victim can be freed from the cage they're trapped in.
You want to scream at the victim to just leave - just open your eyes and leave already!
But it's not that easy.
You didn't marry the abuser.
You didn't bear his children.
You're not under the spell of words.
My family has been broken down. Old wounds have come open again.
I was starting a new job and trying to protect this person because I felt it was my responsibility. Then one day, as I walked away from playing with my family to answer again another call from the victim, Tim told me to ignore the call.
"I can't. I have to take it," I protested.
"If you don't stop this, you're going to lose us to __________'s problems," he answered.
I took the call anyway but it hit me later. I was neglecting my family and putting this other person above my own husband, my own children. And while the victim was the victim in her marriage, she also became an abuser to those around her.
The more that her husband broke her down and then formed her again in to who he wanted her to be, the more she took on his personality. The more she turned away from us, accusing us of things not done. Changing details of stories - or maybe actually forgetting, I don't know - to protect her husband. She became more and more isolated. It got to where I didn't know how to function anymore at the place I found myself in life.
That is when I decided I needed to see a counselor.
It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
On a weekly basis, I would stop in to a local counseling office and spend an hour with the most fantastic counselor. She was everything I was looking for: godly, wise, someone who would quote Scripture to me and pray during our sessions, she is knowledgeable and I relax the minute I sit on the couch.
This is not my first time in counseling. Since college, this is my 4th time. I am not ashamed of it. Twice I had a past family issue to heal through and it took 2 different counselors - the first was ok but the second actually got me where I needed to be. The other time (3rd counselor) was just a one-time experience after my miscarriage and she said I was doing fine. Then there was this time.
You know, the funny thing is that I went in that first day this time around and thought we'd jump right in to why I was there. Not so. We spent three or four weeks covering me.
Yes, me.
My struggle with being a people pleaser. My need to set boundaries in relationships and life. My committing to more than I can handle because I feel bad saying "No."
After we got through all that we started in on the issue I had come in for.
Then my allotted time of 8 weeks was done soon after.
I felt great, new. I realized my place in the victim's life. I realized my place in my life. I learned to let go.
The situation has not become easier. Sometimes I think it hasn't changed a bit. The victim will say that all is great in their life. It is, I'm sure. She complies to what her husband wants, which makes him happy, which makes him not abuse her, which makes the house "peaceful." They're moving to another state.
I wasn't surprised to find that out. I was actually waiting for it to happen. It seemed like the next step would be to isolate her completely from those in her life, while moving closer to relatives of his.
I think if you asked her about our relationship she would tell you it's fine, great, nothing wrong.
I would say the opposite. We don't talk. I tried multiple times. Phone calls, letters went unanswered until my counselor told me I had done my part and it was ok for me to stop. We have talked a few times. I called her on her birthday. I called to tell her I was pregnant and she told me she, also, is expecting. She called me next to tell me about their move. She called the next day to tell me what gender their baby is. I called to tell her what I am having. Each conversation is the same. State the reason for calling, maybe make some small talk about how the kids are doing and then get off the phone. The problem is I can't have a relationship with someone who I should be close to when there is a huge elephant in the room, or on the phone line. And she can't have a relationship that goes beyond the surface.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I could have a relationship like that. People do it all the time. But it's too emotionally exhausting for me. I'm done with fake. I'm done with the Stepford life where the person is a shell of who she was before.
My mom says this victim seems actually happy with where her life is. It hurts. It means that she's happy with a life that doesn't include those in her family. That she's adjusted to the weird normal they're living in.
But I guess you do that sometimes to survive.
This post could go on and on. I could ramble and vent but it's not going to get me anywhere and it surely won't help you reading this I would think.
Unless you've been there.
Oh, if you have, please share with me how you live life as it is.
Until then, I have a counseling appointment I need to get to.

Blogging Hiatus Reason #1

2011-06-14T13:14:00.002-04:00

Last summer I (kind of unknowingly) interviewed for a position I was interested in. I say "unknowingly" because I thought I was dropping off some bins and boxes to the program's executive director and ended up going inside her house (again, I thought to catch up on life real quick and ask a couple questions about the job) and found myself in a laid-back interview. Laid-back as in on her couch with me wearing holey-knee jeans. Yikes.
Moral of the story: Always look nice when going to important people's houses. Even if you think you're just dropping something off.
Soon after she called to offer me the position and I accepted it. For almost a year now I have been the Program Director for STATS (Straight Talk About Tough Stuff.) I had been volunteering as a team leader with this program for the 2 years prior. It is sponsored by a local hospital and what ends up happening is that 48 high school students are selected after an interview process. Those kids are split up into 6 teams of 8 (4 boys, 4 girls.) They come up with about an hour long presentation over the next few weeks using skits, songs, personal talks, etc. to present the message of abstinence from drugs, sex, alcohol and tobacco to the middle schools in Muskegon County. Each year we hit 12-13 middle schools and see 2,000+ kids.
The job is part-time and I am able to do the bulk of it from home. The fall (beginning of the school year especially) is my "busy season" as we are interviewing and selecting students, organizing teams, doing a full-day retreat and another mini-retreat and a ton of other things. I work in the morning for a couple hours, during the kids' nap time and, if needed, after they go to bed. You can see why this would take away from blogging time. However, my position is active during the school months and not summer, which gives me more time to do things I haven't had time to during the year. It also doesn't stop me from researching a bit or being aware of articles, documentaries, etc. and spending a bit of time here and there researching, but I don't feel the pressure as much now.
This program is something I am passionate about and you may (or may not) wonder why a program like this is important. If you have time, please read any of the following links:

The Underage Drinking Epidemic (Parade magazine article from 6/12/11)
Teen Marijuana Use on the Rise (Report from ABC World News 12/14/10)
Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss (an alarming but necessary read for parents)
Tobacco Use Among Teens is Dangerously High (ABC News report)

It is more effective to have high school students talking to middle school students about these topics which is what makes this program important. I still continue to be shocked when I walk into a 7th-grade class to watch a presentation and see a pregnant girl sitting in the room. I am sad when I think about my young cousins, some underage, some newly-21 (but who have been drinking for a long time already) who are already alcoholics. Their Facebook statuses read over and over about being wasted or drinking or not being able to remember the events of the night before.
I think there are those in our society today who just don't think anything is going to work. Kids will be kids; they're dumb and naive; they don't stand a chance with their background; and on and on the excuses go. So they just turn a blind eye and tell themselves, while if they're going to drink or smoke or whatever, then I'll have them do it under my watch so that they're safe. Since they're going to sex, I'll just give them a condom or put them on birth control.
These kids are not safe.
They are young and they are a danger to themselves and those around them. Most teens who drink had their first taste of alcohol given to them by a family member.
I can't sit and do nothing when I have a voice.
So I will speak.

Peace

2011-06-11T20:12:00.002-04:00

I am sitting outside tonight on the rocker bench my dad made me. My head is resting against a pillow that I covered with a cheerful fabric that I could stare at all day. We have returned from an open house and my belly is filled too much with good food to the point where I am regretting that last-minute helping of spinach artichoke dip. But it looked so good...and it tasted even better.
The Pandora app on my phone is filling the air with music from The Wailin' Jennys station and I close my eyes. After a cloudy rainy morning, the sun burst out this afternoon and its summer evening rays are falling on my face. They feel warm until the wind blows and then a chill gently bites down to my bones. It is as if the weather is temperamental tonight - hormonal, menopausal - to where you want to put on a sweatshirt one minute and take it back off the next.
I don't mind. As the wind blows, my spirit soars. My heart is filled with joy. I am rest-filled, God-filled, at this moment. Earlier I was going into an uncertain situation and on the drive there I prayed over and over for peace and a calm to come over my anxious heart and mind.
Peace was delivered.
God is good.
His Peace passes understanding.
I have faith that He provides it no matter what, but it is up to us to grasp it, to let go of our fears and insecurities and hold to Him for dear life.
He is faithful, even when we doubt.
I have learned this lesson from Him already and I was able to go into this evening truly believing He would bring me peace. Because He does not go back on His promises.
I have not blogged in 6 months. And before that, I blogged only a couple times in the few months. There are reasons for that. They are not for tonight, though. Thankfully, with the arrival of summer I will be able to finally release all the words that have been inside me. The thoughts and stories. The updates and pictures of our family.
Not tonight, though.
Tonight is to be thankful for His peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." -John 14:27

O Christmas Card, O Christmas Card...

2010-12-10T12:37:00.003-05:00

One of the things I love about the Christmas season is going to my mailbox and finding something in it besides junk mail and bills - Christmas cards!! (Who doesn't love finding fun mail waiting for them?)
We're going to use Shutterfly this year for Christmas cards. I have used them in the past for birth announcements and Christmas cards and have never been disappointed. The quality is great and there are many options.
Originally, I was going to do photo cards for our family and also for my STATS students, but with battling pinkeye for as long as I have along with not having everyone healthy at one time to do a family photo...I think I'll be doing them for just my STATS students this year.
Because they are a fun group of kids, I want a Christmas card that reflects that, so I'm thinking along the lines of something like this:

or this:

Actually, the card above would be a great option if we decided to do a photo card using just pictures of the kids. By the way, since I haven't updated in a long time, here are some recent pictures of the kiddos:

Decisions, decisions...
Check out their other Christmas card options!
If you're looking for a fun gift for someone, you could always do a photo calendar.
I have always wanted to make one...maybe this will be my year.
Now to go make some choices!

Little Realizations

2010-11-29T20:25:00.002-05:00

I finished feeding Caleb tonight and still found him to be quite fussy. He has been fighting a cold lately and I think may even be coming down with pinkeye, thanks to his older brother sharing it so generously with him. He fussed and cried as I started changing his diaper and, I'm not sure what compelled me to do this, but after taking off his clothes and leaving him in just his diaper, I held him up against me rather than continuing to change him. He seemed to calm down briefly before starting up again. The kangaroo care idea (skin-to-skin contact) came to mind and soon I was snuggled up against him with a blanket over the two of us for warmth.
Mere seconds after holding him against my skin, he had quieted down and just minutes later he was sound asleep in my arms. Tim was putting Noah and Eleanor to bed so I just stayed there with Caleb and began inspecting him.
The first thing I always notice is his hair. It is dark like mine and there is much of it but with a double-cowlick that points to Tim. I took the time to notice his little nose and ears and mouth with the bottom lip he likes to suck in. I began to think about how this little person is made up of mine and Tim's genes. We helped in creating this tiny body that was snuggled against mine! I know that this is obvious (hello, Biology class) but not very often do I really take the time to think about how amazing that thought is.
I traced my finger along the knuckles on his fingers and then on to the tiny folds in his wrist where his hand connects to his forearm. Smooth, soft and somewhat pudgy baby skin invited my finger to run its way up to his elbow and back down to his knuckles. I thought of how blessed I am and then a scary thought came to my mind.
I hadn't wanted him.
After Eleanor was born, Tim and I wanted to be done having kids. Two was good for us and we have our first baby in Heaven, so, actually, three was good for us.
Then God worked His plans which are usually so opposite of what we plan.
I remember my reaction to finding out I was pregnant again. The screaming and crying and fear that set the tone for a couple days until reality started to sink in is something I won't lie about, although I don't like that it was my reaction.
Then he was born and I remember how deeply and quickly I fell in love with this small bundle, this Caleb James. This love for him surpassed any fear I may have had about raising three children on earth.
I thought tonight about how full my arms felt there with him settled in to them and then started to think about the arms of other women.
The aching arms of the woman who desperately wants, but cannot have, a baby to find his or her home in them by way of her own body.
The lonely arms of the woman who chose the difficult route of adoption or abortion. The arms that feel as if they're missing what the womb had provided but not made the connection on.
The open arms of the woman who embraces a child not born of her body but into her love.
Then I realized that a couple thousand years ago there was a woman whose arms were also full as she cradled a tiny baby who came with a big purpose. I could hear music in our kitchen, the Christmas playlist shuffling around in albums to bring us a variety of songs. Interestingly enough, at that moment, the song "Mary, Did You Know?" started playing.
Did you know, Mary?
What was that night like? What thoughts went through her head as her tired arms wrapped themselves around Jesus - our Savior?
I can imagine that she would have first responded as any mother who has just given birth does - counting his tiny fingers and toes. Her hand gently smoothing over the top of his head as she took in how much or little hair he had. I wouldn't be surprised if her fingers traced the outline of his lips, his eyes and the bridge of his nose. The way she must have brought him close to her own nose to breath in his newborn scent.
I pondered all these things as I watched Caleb's mouth spit out his binky and work his lips into a pout before sucking in his lower lip and bringing it out again. His fingers stretched out against my skin and then curled in again to a little fist. From the kitchen I could hear "Silent Night" start to play.
I have heard people joke that the song isn't accurate - that it couldn't have been a silent night with the screams of childbirth, a baby's wail and the noises of surrounding animals in the stable.
In the time I was examining Caleb and marveling in the wonder of life, I also know that life was continuing around me. I could hear Noah upstairs in his room. I could hear Eleanor trying to fight bedtime. I could hear Tim lecturing both of them on how it was time for them to stay in their rooms and go to sleep. I could hear the music from the kitchen.
Yet as I looked at Caleb, there was also a silence. It was reminiscent of the first time parents see their child. There is activity all around them. Lights and people and sounds and doors and so much more. There seems to be a bubble around the small family, though. As the child's eyes lock into his parents', time stands still for a moment. Everything else fades away. There is a silence and awe.
A silent night, perhaps, as Mary locked eyes with Jesus.
I am far from a theologian but I am a mother. I cannot tell you all the facts and theories that surround the details of that night but I think I can relate, as a woman and mother, to how Mary must have felt that night as she cradled Jesus close to her for the first time. Her arms were full as she held the One Who adopts us into His family.
What a beautiful picture.
What a silent night.

Sticks and Stumps

2010-09-09T13:54:00.003-04:00

I have been blessed to have many women in my life at different times. Some have come, developed close relationship and moved on with the different paths of life. Some were more temporary, some have been there since the awkward time of adolescence and have grown more distant as we have become older although they are still there. And some...well, some are like Sticks and Stumps.
When I arrived at Cornerstone University in the fall of 1999, I knew only two other people and they were both older than me and living in a different dorm. I had fun meeting new people and making friends and that is when I got to know Sticks and Stumps.
We were roommates the following year along with two other girls. We had some great times and I believe that's when the "Sticks" and "Stumps" nicknames were formed. It's also the year we each started dating the men who would become our husbands.
We haven't always been close. Sometimes life happens and gets busy.
Yet we always seem to find our way back to each other, which is where we are now again, yet this time is different. We're older, more mature...we're wives and moms. We're almost 30 - yikes! =)
There is a memory cemented in my mind that really demonstrates what wonderful friends they are. Tim and I miscarried our first pregnancy in September 2003. We went in for our 12-week appointment on a Thursday, only to find out there was no heartbeat and we had most likely lost the baby within the two weeks beforehand and my body had not realized it yet. Because my body was taking so long to start the process and we were leaving in a week to go to California for a conference, we chose to have a D & C. This way, while out in California, if I started miscarrying and had problems, I wouldn't be across the country from my doctor. The D & C was performed two days later, on Saturday morning.
My parents came that morning, our pastor and his wife stopped by in the afternoon, and then that evening Sticks and her husband brought us dinner. Stumps and her husband had been in town for something unrelated but stopped by as well. The six of us had dinner together and spent the rest of the evening visiting.
The best part was that they didn't expect anything of us. They didn't tell us how to grieve or give suggestions. They didn't make us talk about it or try to guide the conversation in any direction. They just let us guide them through the night.
By the time they all got to our house, Tim and I had cried enough tears over the previous two days to fill an ocean. We just wanted to laugh and enjoy our time with friends. We were exhausted and they were a breath of fresh air for us. Later that evening, in mine and Tim's timing, we did end up opening up about the experience and talking about it and there were more tears. It was a beautiful evening for us and it was what we needed.
In the six years since then, they both joined me in the painful experience of miscarrying their own pregnancies at some point. We also have gone on to have (almost) 8 children between us. We have developed a yearly "girls night/weekend" and it is a very cherished time. It usually goes quickly before we are back to the daily grind of taking care of our families, but it is enough time to recharge and encourage each other as we walk through this wife/mother journey together.
I love these girls dearly. No matter what other friendships I have developed over the years, these two have a very special place in my life. I know I can call them and they will be there for me. I know they will pray when they say they will, it's not just an empty phrase with them. I know we will celebrate joyous occasions together. I thank God for them.
There is a Sara Groves song from her album, "Fireflies and Songs" that speaks of friendship. When I first heard it, I thought of Sticks and Stumps.

As I said, I have been blessed with many different friends and I don't want to play favorites here but I think what sets these two apart is that we basically, in a sense, "grew up" together. We went from the awkward phase of the teenage years, entering college and figuring out what to do with life, to actually living life out together - not geographically, unfortunately, but through phone calls, emails, letters and cards, visits and through the bonds that have kept us close.
I love you, girls!! Thank you for blessing my life in many ways!

The Battle of Beauty

2010-07-19T19:58:00.002-04:00

I battle many things:
My kids when they want their own way.
My husband when we don't see eye to eye.
My parents when they don't agree with our parenting.
The customer service rep who may be wrong when I'm trying to correct a situation or bill.
Those are not daily battles but occasional ones.
There is one battle that I do fight daily, though. Multiple times throughout the day, even. I hate warring with this person because I know her so well and am hardest on her.
Me.
Mainly, my reflection.
For years I have struggled with low self-esteem and image. In junior high I had thick eyebrows and noticeable upper lip hair. Thankfully, my mom became an aesthetician while I was in high school and I now have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed (I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore.)
In high school, I was tall and thin with horrible posture (still suffer the bad posture.) I had a body built like a boy's with no curves. I was so thin that I had to gain weight just to donate blood when I turned 18. I wasn't healthy or athletic; I just had genes that allowed me to eat what I wanted and not gain weight. I also was a busy person between school and work and extracurricular school activities.
Then I went to college and quickly (as in first semester) put on about 10 pounds. I didn't go to a party school, though, and it wasn't weight from alcohol. It was the freedom of finding I could eat whatever I wanted because Mom wasn't there. Pop-Tarts for a quick dinner in the dorm room? Oh, yeah. College cafeteria food? Bring it on with ranch dressing. Dessert for lunch and dinner? I'll take 2 of those chocolate chip cookies with some ice cream in the middle, thank you.
I lost most of the weight a few years later when I realized I was going to be walking down an aisle in front of lots of people in my dream dress. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon and I think it came back on during that week.
I can remember a friend commenting to me once, before I was even pregnant with Noah, about how I had a little roll that hadn't been there before. Maybe that's what really started drawing my attention to my self-image as my esteem rolled away. I thought, If I can't hide it with clothes, I must really be looking chunky.
The thing is, though, I love to eat. And I hate to exercise. This is a not-so-good combination as you can see.
It also doesn't help that I have a husband who loves me no matter what size I am and also admitted to me recently that he likes the fact I'm curvier now than before I had kids. Where's the motivation to lose weight when your love handles become lovable? (Please don't misunderstand, though, I would never want to suffer the emotional abuse some women suffer from their husbands because of weight gain.)
I, on the other hand, am hard on myself and don't love or even like the love handles. I can't accept that the pudge around the belly. Yet at the same time, I know that I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I'm still within the range for healthy for my height, it's just not the weight I want to be at.
Because for some reason there is something in me that just won't give it up.
Obviously, I know this comes down to be a sin issue. It is made up of so many components. Part of it comes down to self-discipline. Why eat 1 Milano cookie when you can eat 5 in the cute little paper holder they rest on in the bag? Or the whole bag?
I think food is an idol for me. Emotional eater? I am. Happy? Celebrate with food. Sad? Grieve with food. Frustrated? Clean the kitchen. OK, so I guess I'm not actually eating during that one. Although I wouldn't be surprised if I end up hungry after cleaning the kitchen. Where I should be going first to the Lord in prayer, I go to the cabinet.
I can even admit these things - so why is it so hard to change?
I have beautiful friends. I feel frumpy. (That could partly be due to lack of fashion sense, though.) Some are thin and willowy even after having multiple children. My sister-in-law is a stick. I try to tell myself it's because she runs more miles than I drive in a week. That part about the distance probably isn't entirely true, but she does run and exercise consistently. Naturally, that would help with weight loss and maintenance.
I have been so hard on myself that I was in tears, sobbing, recently after Tim commented to me that I looked beautiful that day. It was like a dam burst open and I just couldn't accept what he was saying even though it wasn't something he hadn't said before. I think it just hit me on a different note that day. Have you ever truly felt a war in your mind? At that moment I felt these two opposing forces smacking into each other and it was like truth was trying to break free and I wouldn't unlock the cage. That's when I really realized my problem was more serious than I wanted to accept.
We have a large oval mirror in the bathroom. I asked Tim if he minded if I wrote Scripture on it with a dry-erase marker, to which he, of course, agreed. Now when I look in the mirror I am greeted with Provers 31:30:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

You see, I don't want my motivation to exercise to be losing weight to fit a certain size. I want it to be a way for me to be healthy. That goes for wise food choices as well. If I feel like junk after eating certain sweets, then I should take that into consideration and not eat it again. If I feel good after eating something healthy, I need to remember that.
I always feel good after exercising. I hate when I am in the moment, but I love the adrenaline rush and energy that comes later. I love feeling like I accomplished something good for me.
I don't want to spend a long time in front of the bathroom mirror preparing myself for the day. And, honestly, I don't do that now. My routine, shower included, is about half an hour if that means I'm actually doing my hair and make-up. I don't wear much make-up beyond mascara, concealer and occasionally eye shadow so it doesn't take me long.
I want that reminder, though, when I stop in the bathroom, of where true beauty lies. I need that reminder. It's too easy for me to turn sideways in the mirror and suck in my gut to see what I could look like.
The other thing I have been surprised, pleasantly, with is that the kids always ask us what the writing on the mirror says when we are in there with them brushing our teeth or washing hands or giving them baths. So Tim and I read it to them repeatedly every day to the point where I think Noah is starting to memorize it. I realized that this is something important for them to hear, especially Ellie, who - as a girl who will grow into a woman - will probably struggle with herself one day. If she is getting this reminded to her starting at the age of 2 years old, maybe she'll be more confident in herself at twelve or twenty-two or thirty than I am. It also can be a lesson for Noah on what to look for one day in a future wife.
I fight my battle every day. However, I have found my Sword and am starting to pick at the lock on the cage to set the beauty truth free.

Catch Up!

2010-07-15T13:37:00.010-04:00

I cannot even believe how quickly this summer is going by. It may as well be the end of August.
I am trying to play catch up with lots of things - my last load of laundry is in the washing machine - I actually have an empty laundry hamper (at least until Tim gets home from work!) I am blogging for the first time in what feels like forever. I finally ordered Caleb's birth announcements today. In my defense on that one, there were 2 great photo card deals going on from 2 different websites so I was able to get all the announcements for free (besides shipping and handling.) So I could just say that I was waiting for a deal to come along...but in reality I just didn't do it until now. Oh, well, so he's 3 1/2 months old. People are going to get an updated photo on their card.
Anyways, our summer has been enjoyable. Tim built this on Memorial Day:

We were introduced to a website called Knock-Off Wood and have a line of projects we would love to make. It's an awesome site. Seriously, check it out. Anyways, a perk to him being a painter is that when he is working on a new construction home, he can do a bit of "dumpster diving" or just nicely ask the carpenters for scrap wood. That's what he did here and he scored some beautiful African Teak. It turned out to be a free project! The kids are loving it and it helps for when another family is over and we are able to have more seating room.
The garden also was a Memorial Day project. Earlier this week we were able to enjoy the first of what has come in - peas, green beans and a few cherry tomatoes.

We have only been to our little beach once so far but have plans to go again soon and are looking forward to that.
We had a really fun family day last month. It was one of those days that, as a mom, you need in order to be able to make all the rough days worth it. Tim was working at a job site almost 2 hours away and so during the week he would work 3 really long days where the kids wouldn't see him at all and then take 2 days off completely. On one of those off days we didn't have or make any plans and just kind of did whatever came up. The morning started with a yummy breakfast and then mid-morning I went for a run. On my way back it became much warmer than when I first started and I was praying that someone would have a lawn sprinkler turned on and aiming at the sidewalk. Little did I know the house with the sprinkler would be my own! Featuring not so much a lawn sprinkler, but a Go! Diego Go! one in the front yard with this delightful scene taking place:
The kids had such a blast, as did Tim and I, running through it.
Isn't he a handsome little man? All set to go in to the Young-5 program this year. We're definitely holding off on kindergarten until next year. I can't believe how much they expect from the kids in kindergarten!
The day ended like this:
I think what made it so memorable for us is that it was relaxing, we were all together and, quite possibly for the first time ever, no one fought with each other.
We went camping over Father's Day weekend. Our church did a Family Camp Weekend at Kibby Creek Campground near Ludington. I'm so thankful it wasn't far from home because we got up there, set up our tent, went to change the kids into their swimsuits and realized the suitcase with all the kids' clothes in it was at home still! So back home Caleb and I went to retrieve it. That night was a complete disaster between being extremely cold and only having a sheet (thankfully, we had blankets shared with us the second night) and Ellie's night terrors (which she gets when she's overtired and, naturally, she didn't nap in a tent.) One of the days we were up there we went in to Ludington with another couple and walked the pier. When we got home Sunday, we had lunch, took naps and then Tim wanted to go Miniature golfing and to Logan's for his Father's Day dinner.

Ellie loves playing dress up. For her birthday, our friends Justin and Carrie got her a fun little set with all sorts of girlie stuff. She loves it.

Whenever she dresses up, Noah feels the need to put on his armor.

Tim and I took Noah to see his first movie theater movie. We saw "Toy Story 3." He thought it was great, though a bit scary at the end. He ended up in Tim's lap, but didn't scream like the poor boy in front of us and some of the kids around us. We stayed the weekend at my parent's house so they could watch Ellie and Caleb while we went and then we could spend the rest of the weekend visiting them. While we were there, they found a jeep at a garage sale. The kids are enjoying it when we stop there.

We took a vacation last week. We started off in Ohio for the 4th of July weekend.

Caleb's first time meeting Papa Ross as well as his first fireworks.
We then traveled to Tennessee to visit Tim's sister and her family. Our old baby-sitters, Megan and Jenny, are working at the Christian camp down there, Doe River Gorge, this summer and we had a lot of opportunities to visit with them. We loved seeing them, it was like a bonus added on to an already great trip! My sister-in-law and her husband have bought some beautiful property that they want to farm and build a house on and they took us out to see it one night. It was breathtaking!! I was pretty much ready to pack my bags and move down there.
It was a great vacation, although by the end of it the kids felt like this:
Two days of driving to get somewhere will do that to you.

Caleb continues to grow quicker than we can keep up with. He has managed to just fit right into our family and we are continually amazed by him. He sleeps through the night, nursing is going great, he is the most laid-back of all our kids and he smiles and laughs non-stop!
Except for maybe an occasional serious face.

And right now he's obsessed with putting his fingers in his mouth and sucking his lower lip in.

How's that for an exhausting catch up?? For those of you who stayed through this - thanks!!
If you want something else to read now, click on the links on the side for our friends Jeana and Matt. They're moving to Rwanda on August 2nd! While we will miss them, we're so excited for them!

Listening to...

2010-06-25T09:32:00.005-04:00

Wow, it's been a month since I've blogged! I have many things in my head I want to empty out on here and pictures to show off of our kiddos, but today is not going to be that day. Instead, I just wanted to share some of the albums getting the most play in our house. The iPod probably wants to play something different but for now we are digging these. Check them out!
For Mother's Day Tim bought me JJ Heller's CD, "Painted Red." You may have heard this song:

The entire CD is great, but there are a couple songs that really get me. This being one:

Deas Vail is a newer group. Their sound reminds us a little of Death Cab for Cutie. We are enjoying their CD, "Birds & Cages" very much.

Tim can't stop listening to Owl City's album "Ocean Eyes." The kids and I just bought it for him for Father's Day. This is the kids' favorite song to sing and dance to:

I like this one:

For our anniversary, Tim surprised me with "Crazy Love" - Michael Buble's newer one. You may have heard this one on the radio:

But I LOVE this one. It sounds so James Bond theme-ish!

And lastly, but certainly with no less play time than the rest, is Relient K's newer one, "Forget and Not Slow Down." Tim and I are in agreement that this is our favorite Relient K album. And, you may (or may not) have noticed that 2 of the songs above - one of Deas Vail's and one of Owl City's - feature Relient K's lead singer, Matt Thiessen. He seems to be popping up on a lot of albums lately!

Anyone else have music to suggest?

No 7 Year Itch Here!

2010-05-24T14:09:00.003-04:00

May 24, 2003

By the numbers for Tim and I in our marriage:
24 - of May 2003 was our wedding day.
7 - number of years we've been married
4 - pregnancies
3 - births
4 - times we've moved
2 - dogs we've owned
4 - vehicles we've owned
2 - houses we've owned (or pay mortgage on, I guess technically the bank owns it still)
2 - passing of grandparents (one mine, one his)
1 - passing of great-grandparent (mine)
2 - marriage conferences
2 - counselors I've seen (one after the miscarriage, one for dealing with a past issue)
6 - number of years Tim has been painting
220,000+ - miles on each of our vans (there are two)
4 - times we've flown places together.
6 - numbers of weddings in which one of us has served in the bridal party

There have been countless arguments, vacations, friends, life changes, weddings attended, dates and days of joy.

When you're a little girl, you dream of growing up and getting married to a prince and living in a castle.
Then you grow older and find out princes are hard to come by in America, so you settle for the dream of marrying a doctor, being rich and living in a big and beautiful home.
Then you find the man of your dreams and realize he wants to be a youth pastor.
Then he spends some time being a painter after you've been married for not even a year. He interns at a church and finds out it is not what he wants to do. But he loves painting and home restoration. He quits college after four and a half years of studying youth ministry and you settle into an even lower income than a youth pastor.
I realized along the way that my childhood dreams did not come true. My teenage dreams did not come true. Even the dreams I had as a young married woman did not come true.
Yet I would have missed out on so much if they had. So many lessons learned along the way that could only be learned by going through the circumstances we did. Our marriage being strengthened in ways that would not have been possible if things went the way I dreamed them to.
If things went the way we planned them to we would have missed out on Caleb.
We would have missed out on moving over to the lakeshore which would have missed many friendships.
We would still be weak and lukewarm Christians, not ever taking leaps of faith or strengthening our trust in the Lord.
I have loved every minute of our 7 years together because it has brought us to where we are now. I know we still have a lot of growing to continue to do, too, and I wouldn't want to do it with anyone but Tim.

Early May 2010

Guess Which Stage We've Entered...

2010-05-12T14:31:00.003-04:00

While heading from the house to the van to take Noah to preschool this morning, the kids found a toad on the side of the driveway. When Ellie, Caleb and I left again to go pick Noah up, the toad was gone. The following transpired:
Ellie: Where toad?
Me: He's not there anymore.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he went home.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he wanted to take a nap.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he was tired from jumping around.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Hey, look, is that a tree over there?
Ellie (excitedly): Oooooh!! A tree!!

Thank God for when they're easily distracted.

Gardens Trip

2010-05-12T14:09:00.004-04:00

There is a place in Grand Rapids called Frederik Meijer Gardens. It is beautiful and fun to visit. Tim and I had our wedding reception there. We thought since the majority of our guests were coming from out of town, it would be nice to have something fun for them to do while they were in town. Unfortunately, it rained all day and was cold so, while most enjoyed the indoor gardens, the outdoors was not quite as inviting. Theynow have a section for kids, too, making it enjoyable for everyone. We took a trip there Monday night. Our membership to the Children's Museum can be used at the Gardens this month so we wanted to take advantage of it.
Noah climbed a rock. Tim let him. The sign on the left side of the picture says "Do not climb this rock" with an arrow pointing to it. Tim said he did not see the sign. I think he was just being a dad. =)
Ellie loved this frog.
The fun little gate for the kids to go through to get to the Children's Gardens.

Me and Noah, sun shining in our eyes, with a Chihuly piece in the background. I love his work.
I'm surprised they didn't jump in to grab some pennies.

We brought their pajamas to change them in to, thinking they would fall asleep on the way home since it was their bedtime when we left. I think they were wound up from the fun they had running around. They ended up playing with their sunglasses thinking they were the most hilarious things ever.

Mother's Day vs. Saturday

2010-05-10T13:38:00.004-04:00

I think there are different perspectives regarding Mother's Day.

1) Mother's Day should be spent with your children because you are their Mother and they are celebrating you and what you do for them.
2) Mother's Day is a day for Mom to pick what she wants to do and that may mean Mom runs away for some alone time (or time with other moms/girlfriends/woman family members.)

This year's Mother's Day was a bit abnormal for me. We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which is not entirely abnormal to do on a holiday (Hallmark or real.) Originally we were going there to attend a bridal shower for someone, but that wedding was called off a couple weekends ago so the plans changed a bit. We still went so that we could see my family as well as see our friends, the Bakers, who have moved back to Michigan for a job for Jack (imagine that - moving TO Michigan for a job!)
Anyways, we went to visit the Bakers Saturday morning and had a great time with them. We returned home and a short time later, my sister and I took my mom out to dinner at a local restaurant we all love. (Mmmm....Tomato Brothers....) It was a really fun time, just the three of us. I think the men were a bit surprised that we wouldn't all want to go out to celebrate my mom together but that was how things went this year. My mom admitted to my sister and me that she was glad it was just us and not the whole family.
I barely saw my mom on Sunday. She and my aunts took breakfast to my grandma's house and they went through old photo albums together and had their own time together. We went to church where I grew up then stopped and saw my dad's dad to visit and show him Caleb and then went to my grandma's to introduce Caleb to her and my aunts that were there with my mom. By the time we left there, went back to my parents' to pack up and take off to go back home (stopping in Lansing for a nursing break along the way), we had enough time to eat dinner and give the kids a bath before putting them to bed. Then the rest of the night was a disaster but we won't even touch that.
So when I was asked today how my Mother's Day was, I answered, "As a regular day, it was great. As Mother's Day, it stunk." My mom was making French Toast for the kids that morning so that was a yummy start to the day and Tim stopped at Rite-Aid on our way home to buy me a Mother's Day card and fill it out in the store and that was the extent of it. I think Tim knew I was annoyed because last night he told me to pick a day to celebrate Mother's Day this week. I told him Mother's Day was done and he said, "No, this wasn't Mother's Day. It was your mother's Mother's Day, it was your grandpa's day and your grandma's day but it was never your day."
I think that I, like other moms I'm sure, set ourselves up to be disappointed on Mother's Day. I have this vision of how the day will go and it never goes that way. Maybe that's why, when it comes to Mother's Day, I fall into the #2 pick of how I want to celebrate it anymore. I want a day off. I love my children dearly and am incredibly thankful for them. I also know that being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting and if someone asked, "What do you want to do on Mother's Day?" I would answer, "I want a nap. An uninterrupted shower. A day with no fighting between kids, time-outs, or a schedule for the day." Realistically, that's not Mother's day here. It never has been. Probably because it's on a Sunday and we're always rushed to get out of the house, causing fights and time-outs.
But Saturday in our household...now that is my Mother's day. Not every Saturday, but we started building a habit that we like to stick to as much as possible. I wake up and throw breakfast in the oven, be it a breakfast casserole or baked french toast or cinnamon rolls or whatever. I start a pot of coffee for Tim because it's the only time he drinks it (unless we're at someone's house and it's offered, but he just never drinks it at home.) I take the laptop and a movie upstairs to the kids and they sit in Noah's bed and watch it. I head back to our bedroom, feed Caleb and then either fall back asleep (while Tim has barely stirred all this time) or just lounge in bed with a book or having an uninterrupted conversation with Tim. When the timer goes off, I head back to the kitchen, start hot water for my tea, get breakfast on plates, call everyone into the dining room and we sit and eat breakfast together. This only happens on Saturday mornings or the occasional day Tim has off of work. When we finish, the kids play together in the living room while Tim and I finish our coffee and tea and talk about whether or not there is anything we want to do that day. Then the rest of the day goes from there and most of it is spent outside if the weather is nice, working on projects together around the house, and making sure everyone takes a nap to refresh. Very very soon it will include family trips to the Farmers Market and who doesn't love that? Sometimes the evening holds dinner with friends, and that's always a fun addition. Typically, on those days, we don't deal with time-outs or fighting because the atmosphere is laid back and no one is stressed.
That is my ideal day. And that's what we get on empty Saturdays. I wouldn't trade one of those Saturdays for a million Mother's Days. My kids don't even need to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" or make me cards or anything. Just having fun together is all the "thank you" I need.
I guess because I feel like Mother's day is kind of a Hallmark holiday, I wouldn't feel bad for making the choice to go out and do something by myself or with friends. We have our real family fun on other days of the year. This way I stop setting myself up for being let down for the Mother's Days that include the fighting, stress, and pressure that my kids have of making sure I have one good day of the year to appreciate being a mom.
Give me Saturday.

Whew

2010-05-06T13:41:00.004-04:00

I can't believe how the last 5 weeks since Caleb's birth have flown right by!
Things have been transitioning well. In my opinion it's easier to go from 2 to 3 than it was 1 to 2, but much of that may be related to life circumstances at the differing times. Or the fact that Caleb is a laid back, calm and mellow boy as opposed to a tornado of energy like his older sister.
I took him in for his one month appointment last week and he weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces (put on a whopping 2 pounds from birth weight!) and 21 3/4 inches (grew over 2 inches in a month.) He's doing great. Last week he went through a growth spurt and I wasn't sure I was going to survive it. He wanted to nurse every 1 1/2 hours. My body was so exhausted after a few days I wanted to give up, but then we came out of it. He continued eating every 2 hours or so I and just kept feeding him on demand. I again started feeling exhausted and depleted and took a trip to the library for "Babywise" because I forgot how/when to start a schedule. I did a schedule with both Noah and Ellie and both were sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. Today I started Caleb on a schedule and, hopefully, in the next few weeks we'll get some good night time sleep. I forgot about the whole eat/play/sleep routine and was just basically nursing him to sleep all day long. He wasn't a very alert baby. Then he started doing this:
Sorry it's blurry; I took it with the camera on my phone and it obviously lacks quality.
Anyways, he started smiling and I realized he is quite fun while awake. So we've been interacting (as much as an infant can) today and it's been enjoyable.
He went to his first concert on Tuesday night. Kind of. Tim knows the original members of the Christian band, Relient K, from high school - one of them more than the others because they went to high school and youth group together for awhile - and when they come to town on tour we go support them. Usually we stop by and say a quick "hi" to his friend, Matt, before the concert but this time we actually went in a couple hours early and visited which was nice. Tim enjoyed having a longer amount of time to catch up. Anyways, because we didn't think it would be wise to bring a one month old into such a loud venue, Caleb and I waited on the tour bus while they played so Tim could go in and watch. So he kind of went to his first concert.
What else have we gone through this first month? It feels like a blur. Well, he has already had his first ultrasound. I took him into the doctor for what I thought was reflux and they sent me for an ultrasound to see if it was something I can't even remember the name of now. But if he had had it, he would have had to go in for surgery to repair it. Thankfully, all checked out fine and it really is just reflux. So we're dealing with that.
A few days later he had his first visit to the ER. I was changing his diaper that morning and noticed his belly was all bruised looking, black and blue and purple. I asked Tim what he thought and he wanted me to call the doctor. Since it was a Sunday afternoon we got the on-call pediatrician who advised us to go in to the ER since he wasn't even 3 weeks old yet. The ER doctor told me it was a broken blood vessel from when his umbilical cord fell off. We discovered a few days later it wasn't even that! When I had taken him into the pediatrician's office about the reflux, his umbilical cord fell off while we were there. Instead of a nice, clean break off, it was gooey and interesting looking and the pediatrician said there was a granuloma forming (or something like that) and he put some silver nitrate on it. Now, I didn't see him put iodine on it but he must have and the stain from it must not have shown up right away or something because that's what we think the coloring was from. I know this only because there came a day where I was giving him a bath and the "bruise" started coming off when I was bathing him. Now, we had tried washing it off before to see if maybe it was just that but nothing happened.
Basically my son likes to stretch us with funny little oddities.
The kids have adjusted well to him. Noah went through a phase where he started doing "silly faces" or saying "silly words" or doing "look at me" type things. I know part of this is being a 4-year old boy but you can tell when you watch him that it also involves him feeling like he doesn't want to be lost in the chaos of Ellie and a new baby. Ellie went through a phase where she was quite needy and clingy. I think that as much as Noah didn't want to be forgotten, Ellie wanted to make sure she is still loved. There have been lots of extra "I love you"s and hugs going around as well praise for Noah.
We are excited for spring and summer! The list of projects has already started forming and indoor projects have been started. Outdoor projects are still being dreamed up - they're always being dreamed up as we look outside or get ideas. The other afternoon, though, we had some gorgeous weather and were playing outside and staring at the back of our lot which is actually almost separate from the rest of our backyard by a chain link fence. We like to throw out ideas for what to do with it and I think, eventually, it will become mainly garden/food related. It will be a slow transformation, that's for sure, but one we're excited about. Right now we have an apple tree back there, but the past couple years something has been getting to it and destroying it before fruit is produced, so we want to start spraying it. We also have some raspberry bushes from a shoot my aunt gave us last year and some strawberry bushes we are excited about.
There is change going on all around us right now it seems. Some dear friends of ours, Matt and Jeana, are moving back to California (boo.) Our close friends, Jack and Kelly, just completed a move up to Spring Arbor for a teaching job Jack got at the college (yea!) Our brother-in-law quit his job to start his own business. It is a scary time for them financially with going through this, but God already is blessing them and the process has strengthened their faith.
I look forward to what the coming months will bring. Changes in seasons. Changes in lives.

My Eleanor~

2010-04-19T13:27:00.002-04:00

My dear Eleanor Lee,
I cannot believe you are two years old today! Time goes much faster the second time around. You are such an adventure added to our lives.

What a year we have had, Ellie. Recently, you were transitioned from the baby/youngest of the family to the middle child. You have not had the jealousy issues we prepared ourselves for, but you are definitely looking for some extra snuggles and hugs and a reminder that you are still loved and important and noticed. You try to be very helpful with Caleb...a little too helpful and loving at times, but I appreciate your heart's intent.

We refer to you as "the tornado" at times. You are so full of energy and personality that you are like a whirlwind through our house. You are absolutely hilarious and I have never seen your dad have such a hard time keeping a straight face while trying to discipline. You have definitely given us a new parenting challenge.

You are this interesting combination of girlie and tomboy. Today your birthday outfit consists of a pink zip-up fleece, which reminds me of your sporty side. You love to run, kick balls, throw balls, be outside and even wrestle. Some of it may come from having an older brother and some of it is just you.

You are also wearing a white skirt and glittery sparkly shoes. You do love to dress up. You love bracelets and trying on my necklaces. You watch me intensely when I put make-up on and then try to sneak into my make-up bag when I leave the room.

Your outfit is completed with thick bright pink knit tights covered in multi-colored polka dots, complete with a bear's face on your tush. You're so stinking adorable that I don't know what to do with you at times. The tights finish off your outfit in a way that is so you, so random and yet it all fits together somehow, tying together the sporty and girlie.

You charm everyone you come in contact with. People stop to talk to you at the grocery store. Maybelle, one of the nursery workers, actually calls you "my girl." Daddy will drop you off for nursery, or I'll drop you off during Ladies' Bible Study, and she'll say, "There's my girl, hello Ellie. Come see me." You go right to her like you've known her all your life. And you know what the kicker is for your dad and me? You will fall asleep as she rocks you while you're in the nursery but you haven't done that with us in so long we can't even remember! You also love our friend, Elisabeth. Maybe it's the shared name (her middle name is your first name) or the fact you're both the middle children, daughters sandwiched between brothers, or who knows? I just know there is some kind of attachment to her there because you'll favor her over me when she comes to visit, climbing right up in her lap. I'm not offended, though.

I know that I joke around about how exasperating you are or tiresome or diva-ish. The truth is, Eleanor, I don't know what I would do without you at this point! I cannot imagine a life without your bubbly personality, your sassy little "no" response, your contagious laughter, and your kissable chubby cheeks. Your daddy and I love you so much, and so do Noah and Caleb. We look forward to watching you as you grow up and into the woman God has created you to be.

Much love,

Mom

Caleb James

2010-04-06T14:18:00.004-04:00

Last week was quite eventful for us! I went in for my prenatal appointment last Monday to find that I was suddenly measuring 4 centimeters smaller than I should have been, especially since I had been on track up until that point. My ob/gyn was also concerned about the estimated small size of Caleb compared to what the other two were. I also was dilated 3.5 centimeters (I had dilated 1.5 cm in a week) and having no contractions yet. Due to his concern, he wanted us to consider inducing and because we didn't want to risk the safety of our baby, we agreed. Dr. Vanwingen said he wanted to break my water on Wednesday morning and the only times the hospital had open were 3:00 am and 5:00 am. We chose the 5:00 am.
Needless to say, I barely slept Tuesday night. We actually spent the night with some friends in GR since they would be watching the kids the next day and we were going to be delivering at Spectrum so it put us closer on the actual day, or should I have spontaneously gone into labor on my own the night before.
The day went nothing like we thought it would.
We arrived at the hospital and pulled up to the ER entrance, which is where we were told to go. Apparently I must have looked too calm to be having a baby because they asked if I was being induced and then said we had to park, walk in ourselves and then ask what floor to go to. So we did. They told us the second floor. We walked to the second floor and announced what we were there for. They told us to go to the third floor. Well, for crying out loud. I just wanted to settle in and have a baby and already I felt confused.
Once on the correct floor, they hooked me up to be monitored for a little bit. A young looking resident came in and said that he was going to check me and break my bag of waters. After a quite painful examination to which he said I was 3 - 4 cm dilated, 30% effaced, with a cervix that was extremely posterior (huh??) and no bulging bag of waters, he declared that he was going to call my doctor and probably start me on pitocin because there was no way he could break a bag that wasn't bulging or couldn't even be felt. He and the nurse left and I turned to Tim and started to cry.
I really wanted to labor without an epidural and to do that, I really wanted to be able to stay away from pitocin, too. All I ever heard about with pitocin was that it goes hand-in-hand with the epidural.
The nurse and resident came back in and said that Dr. Vanwingen was on his way into the hospital to break my water himself. I was so happy. To kill time and try to help get things moving, Tim and I walked the halls for a bit. We returned about 6:30 and a few minutes later Dr. Vanwingen walked through the door. He sat down on the bed, examined me and told the nurse I was 4 cm dilated. He explained to me that there are hospitals that teach their residents how to break the bag of waters and there were others who pushed the pitocin. While talking, he took a hook that resembled one you would crochet with and broke my water. No problem for him. I always joke with Tim that this doctor has magic hands because his exams barely hurt, too.
We waited as Dr. Vanwingen talked some more and watched me. He mentioned his concern that I didn't seem to be losing much fluid from the bag breaking and that it might be low and he wanted things monitored more closely. They put a pressure catheter - I think it was called that - in to my uterus to monitor my contractions more precisely and see how they correlated with Caleb's heart rate. It also was meant to irritate the uterus and cause it to contract. Thankfully, by the time Dr. Vanwingen left a short time later, I was starting to lose more fluid and he left feeling better about the situation. We decided he would call around lunchtime to see what progress there was and go from there.
We spent the next five hours walking halls (not comfortable with the catheter and gushing fluid), sitting on the labor ball and resting in the bed. My parents joined us mid-morning and visited a bit. By lunchtime we had had no progress and no contractions, besides the occasional one or two. We decided that when Dr. Vanwingen called, we would tell him we were ready to try something different. At this point, I was starting to think things were going to end in a c-section because apparently Caleb was not willing to leave the womb.
Dr. Vanwingen talked to Tim and then called down to the nurse's station to start us on pitocin. I was not thrilled, but was still holding to the possibility of having it without an epidural. (If you haven't been reading my blog long and are curious as to why I was so anti-epidural, read this post about Ellie's birth experience along with the bad epidural experience resulting in a spinal headache.)
We started the pitocin low, .5 ml/hour. I asked how high it went and the nurse said most women respond at a 4 or 6, but some make it to 20. We all figured I would be one of the lower numbers since I was dilated as far as I was and my water wasn't intact anymore. Well nothing happened over the next couple hours as they increased it to 1, 2, 4, 6, or 8. By this point, my sister had made her husband cancel and reschedule his dermatologist appointment so they could get over to GR since she was so worried I was going to end up in a c-section as well. When they upped me to 10, things started rolling and then she upped it again to 12. At this point, the labor ball, which had been nice in the beginning, was starting to annoy me and I needed something different. I moved to the bed and continued with the breathing. The contractions came closer and stronger and I got to a breaking point. Tim had been doing an awesome job coaching me on breathing but I screwed up once and then got thrown off.
So I started hyperventilating. This led to a lack of oxygen getting to my feet and hands, which made me freak out even more, since I felt like I was slowly being paralyzed. My legs were tingly and my hands felt swollen and I couldn't bend my fingers. I kept obsessing and asking why I couldn't bend my fingers to curl around Tim's hand during contractions. My blood pressure and vitals were great and even Tim told me later that he thought I was just freaking out and overreacting. He said it finally got to the point where he realized I was telling the truth when he saw the veins in my hands bulge out every time I tried to move my fingers, but they wouldn't move. The nurse gave me the oxygen mask and after lots of deep breaths, feeling returned.
Can I just say I really hate that oxygen mask? Oh, it was so annoying to feel it over my mouth and because I had hyperventilated once, they wanted it on me when I started pushing later.
Anyways, during all that chaos, I asked for a dose of Stadol. Stadol has become my best friend in labor, besides Tim. It took the edge off the contractions. I still felt them very strongly and clearly and Tim still had to coach me through each one because it hurt like crazy, but I just didn't care. It was such a bizarre feeling, like how I guess I would imagine being high on something. They told me the Stadol would last about an hour or two and then I could get another dose if I wanted. I didn't need one because by the time it wore off, Dr. Vanwingen was walking back through the door. He checked me and declared I was at a nine and that after I went to the bathroom (I had to pee so bad), I could start pushing to move the baby down because he was still a bit high up.
Now, at this point I just want to say that it really stinks to feel like you become bi-polar while you're delivering a baby. Especially when you can feel everything. I would push and yell because my doctor would be stretching my cervix out at the same time and it hurt like crazy. Then I would apologize between contractions. Tim kept a cold washcloth on my head - that was amazing - and a nurse eventually put warm washcloths down in the delivery area, which also felt great, and I believe helped me to avoid a bad tear. So on and on we went for an hour, pushing/yelling, changing positions, re-wetting cold
washcloths, etc. Dr. Vanwingen checked me again and said Caleb's head was not turned the way it should be and the position-changing had helped it move a bit further, but still not where it should be yet. He also had been watching the monitor for the past few contractions and noticed that with each contraction, Caleb's heart rate would drop and then take a long time to pick back up. He said we were going to have to look at the possibility of using the vacuum. I asked him if he wanted to use it them or still have me push longer and he said it was up to me. I was so concerned about Caleb at this point: the small size of everything, the meconium-stained fluid from my water breaking, the dropping heart rate and fact he seemed stuck in there that I said, "Let's just do it now."
I guess I never realized that when they referred to using a vacuum, they actually mean a little suction cup that they insert inside the mother to attach to the baby's head. I didn't realize this device was headed inside me. More pain. After my delivery, I heard Dr. Vanwingen tell the resident that had stepped in to help with the delivery that most women take another 3-5 contractions of pushing/suctioning combo to deliver the baby.
We got him out on the first contraction.
I described it to Tim like this, the pain was so much that I either had to keep pushing during the contraction and get him out, or I was going to give up and die because I couldn't do it any more. So I pushed like I never had, while yelling at Dr. Vanwingen to "get this kid out of me" and "Stop hurting me." I looked down as Dr. Vanwingen pulled Caleb up and the first words out of my mouth were:
"He has dark hair!!" (You don't know how I have longed for a child that actually looked like me at birth; I was born with a mass of dark hair and kept hoping he would have it, too.) I looked at Tim who was laughing and, of course, crying. They put Caleb on my chest and we just kept laughing in amazement at (a) the hair and (b) we really did it without the epidural!
And then I started to apologize over and over and over to everyone in the room that had to endure my yelling at them. I said, "I'm really not a mean person. I am so sorry." They said, "No, you're a woman who didn't have an epidural! You reacted like they do. We expect it." That made me feel a little better. I will say this, too - this is my first labor in which I never swore once. I said at least one word with the other two at some point during the process, but not this one. So I yelled, but at least I didn't cuss anyone out. I would feel even worse.
So there is our story behind Caleb's birth (Lacey asked and as a result you all get to read it.)
The stats:
Caleb James Ross
3/31/10
6:27 pm
6 lbs. 9 oz.
19 1/2 in. long
And everything turned out healthy and great! He is considered SGA (small for gestational age) but at his pediatrician's appointment this morning (he is 6 days old today) he has grown an inch and not only regained his birth weight from his discharge weight, but put on a couple ounces as well and is now 6 lbs. 11 oz. His pediatrician is impressed because he said most breastfed babies take 2 weeks to regain their birth weight, so whatever I'm doing for nursing, keep on doing it.
Caleb is a blessing to our home. An unexpected one, but one we can't imagine our life without now. He is absolutely handsome with great coloring and a face like Noah's when he was a baby.

The Belly

2010-03-23T14:41:00.002-04:00

This is me at 38 1/2 weeks. Tim took them last night. The update is that I'm dilated to 2 cm. Woo-hoo - 2 down and 8 to go! The doctor told me that if I come in on Monday for my next appointment and have dilated to 4 but am not showing signs of labor then we're going to look at something to help get things rolling. I'm assuming we'll start with the whole membrane stripping deal...joy. I guess it's better than Pitocin. I dilated a centimeter and a half in the last week so that's why he's keeping an eye on how quickly things are happening now.
Personally, we're just praying it happens soon. By the weekend. Now would be great.
And, yes, I know, I'm not even to 40 weeks yet, but this pregnancy has been something else on my body and I'm ready to be done. We're also more than excited to see what this little munchkin looks like.
Can you tell I got my haircut? Yep, chopped it to my chin right before Valentine's Day. I love it. It's so easy and the best part? (This will probably be disturbing to some of you.) I can wash and dry it one morning and then not have to wash it again for another 2 days and it looks better each morning I wake up. There are times I could pull off another day, but then I get to feeling disturbed. I remember reading that you should really only wash your hair one day a week anyway to keep it healthier, now I just have a hairstyle that will actually let me do it! It will be perfect for after baby is born and I don't have time to shower let alone wash my hair for a couple days.

Getting Closer!

2010-03-12T13:56:00.004-05:00

Well, folks, there are less than 3 weeks left until my due date. You fellow mothers know what that means - the nesting has kicked in. The fact our weather has been so spring-like has also helped in the motivation to clean things I normally wouldn't on a regular basis. Although every night before I go to bed I want things to be picked up, Tuesdays have become my crazy cleaning day. I find myself doing things I don't do. Proof is in this conversation with Tim from last Tuesday (first thing you should know - I hate scrubbing floors. Yes, hate. I know it's a strong word and that should tell you how strongly I feel about it.)
Me: Well, I did more nesting today.
Tim: Yeah, Noah told me you cleaned out the van and vacuumed it.
Me: I also got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen floors.
Tim: You don't scrub floors.
Me: I know.
Tim: Did they even need it? You just had me scrub them a week ago and we can't even remember the time before that they were done.
Me: I don't think they actually needed it but I couldn't help it. It was like I was possessed and couldn't rest until the floors were scrubbed by me on my hands and knees.
Tim: You got on your hands and knees instead of using the Swiffer thing?
Me: Yeah, that just doesn't really clean it well.
Tim: How do you feel?
Me: Exhausted.
Tim: You need to rest tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, sure, I will.
My body was so sore that I could barely move in the middle of the night. I could hardly get out of bed to go to the bathroom (multiple times) or roll over.
What is it with this nesting instinct we expectant mothers have? I almost feel like this is the worst I've ever had it, actually I know it is. Part of me thinks it is because I can remember how hard it was for me to keep the house clean after Ellie was born and how much that bothered me. So mentally, I'm telling myself that if I can keep it really clean now, it will take longer to get to the not-clean state. Is that a warped way of thinking?
So here are some picture updates of what has been going on lately:

We don't own a TV, but the kids do occasionally watch movies on the laptop. There are times I clean while they're watching a movie. However, I also want them to learn responsibility and chores and to share in on the cleaning (since they're part of the mess-making) so there are times like these:

Ellie helping Daddy vacuum. Ellie actually LOVES to clean so it's not hard to get her to help. Noah is to the point where he only wants to do certain things.
The Tuesday list
Ellie "cleaning" the cupboard doorknobs with a baby wipe. I clean with all-natural products, baking soda and vinegar so I'm not worried about them touching or getting into any of my supplies because they're not toxic. However, I usually just give them a baby wipe and tell them to go wipe something down.
Cleaning out the van. Noah really got into this one. Ellie thought it was more fun to pretend to drive.

Non-nesting related news:
I had my 37-week prenatal appointment today and am dilated almost to 1 cm. Almost. I'm not one who gets caught up in the whole dilation thing since I know it doesn't actually predict when you're going in to labor. I just like to know how much work I have behind me when the real thing does start.

At the end of February we got dumped on with some more snow. The kids and I decided one afternoon to make snow cream. I was not that impressed but the kids liked it.

We broke Ellie of her binky habit a couple weeks ago. We do this with our kids by taking them to the store (Target in Ellie's case) and having them "buy" a toy/stuffed animal with their binky. Ellie picked out a baby doll that came with a binky. Then every time over the next couple days that she started to feel withdrawal she would put the doll's binky in her mouth, hence the picture above. It was ridiculous in that it's just a small stub of plastic. Thankfully, she only tried this a couple times. She actually kicked the habit in less than a day and is sleeping so much better at night than she has since she was born. Go figure.
That's all for now!

A Sunday Afternoon

2010-03-10T14:50:00.004-05:00

*I just found this while looking through the documents on our computer for something different. I wrote it last May and thought I would share it since the spring weather is right around the corner (at least it has felt like it lately!)*

The sun is streaming through the windows making it seem warmer outside than what it really is. There is about a half hour until I need to start dinner and I can tell Eleanor is not going to make it. I grab a bowl of animal crackers and, taking her in my arms, carry both over to the couch. I settle her on my lap and she happily starts in on the menagerie in the bowl on her own lap.

As we bite the heads off elephants and legs from giraffes, I look outside. The breeze is causing the tree branches and leaves to sway gracefully. Although they cannot hear the Sufjan Stevens album playing in the kitchen, it is almost as if they are dancing to it. As “Tahquamenon Falls” fills my ears, I relax even more into the couch pillows around me listening to what sounds like wind chimes in the song.

Eleanor turns to offer me a bite of lion and then shoves it happily into her mouth before I can accept or refuse. Just a bit louder than the beginning notes of “Holland” is the pounding coming from outside. I look out one of the windows to the west and I can see Tim each time he stands to move to a new position. He is nailing landscape timbers to the ground for the perimeter of our garden with his “helper” in the form of a preschooler, Noah.

All is right. I forget the present financial woes of the country. In this moment my mind is not littered with thoughts of unemployment, health care, broken down vehicles or other downers. In this moment I am thankful to God for what I do have. In this moment, I am cherishing my blessings.

I know that the next song will bring forth with it reminders of all that is realistic but right now I just want this: calm. I want to snuggle my daughter and kiss her delightful cheeks. I want to savor the mental snapshot of a father and son in their work gloves, one pair black and gray and the other blue and orange with Diego the Animal Rescuer on them, laboring over a project together. It is not just any project but one that was designed and is being carried out together as a family, trying to involved the kids whenever possible.

Eleanor has finished the last of her zoo and is now trying to put the bowl on her head. She looks at me and laughs hysterically because she knows she is. Inside I just about burst with all that surrounds me – sunshine outside, laughter inside, childlike playfulness and labors of love. More important than all that, what can cause all that, is one more thing.

There is peace in my heart.

Bunny Trails and a Mustard Seed

2010-02-15T13:19:00.005-05:00

Tim and I went to a marriage conference this past weekend on the other side of the state. It was great. Our friends, Josh and Renee, invited us back in the fall and offered their house for us to stay at. We loved this as it gave us an opportunity to visit with them and catch up on life. They were gracious hosts (they let us sleep in their bed and they took an air mattress upstairs - now that's sacrifice!) We had a wonderful time.
There have been so many things on my mind and I never know which ones to blog about and which not to. Ever since the whole "what-we're-looking-for-in-a-church" post back in the fall that caused a small ruckus, I feel as if I need to write in a different way. This is wrong, I know, in that this is my blog and if you don't like it - don't read it! However, I guess it hits me a certain way. A couple years ago Tim and I came to the realization that we're both people-pleasers. Not necessarily a good thing because you pretty much end up living your lives to accommodate the wants and desires (not needs) of others. Although we started to stick up for ourselves a bit more, I still worry about whether or not I'm going to offend someone.
I don't write many things about church anymore because the situation that followed with someone ended up as a hurtful experience and lost friendship.
I don't write truthfully about Tim's job anymore because my mom said, "I think your grandma reads your blog so make sure you don't write about ______________."
Besides updates, I don't write about this pregnancy because I have friends who have miscarried or are having trouble conceiving and I know it's a painful situation. One friend has stopped communication between us as our pregnancies were only a few weeks apart and I'm sure it's painful for her. Heck, I had to live it with my sister-in-law when I miscarried and she remained pregnant and I was about 3 weeks ahead of her. I know it's painful. I had to work through the hate, jealousy, anger and confusion as naive comments were made from people around us. Thank God that He is patient, constant, loving and can not only forgive us for our thoughts but also allow us to forgive others in our hearts when they don't even realize what they've done.
So my blog hasn't been updated much, not just because I haven't felt up-to-par in energy but because I never know how to write since I've apparently transported back into people-pleaser mode.
So would you like an honest update right now? Here it goes...
We love the church we are now attending. So much so that we actually went through the membership class and are being introduced (or whatever they do) as new members this coming Sunday. We have had the opportunity to meet and form relationships with amazing people who truly care about more than the superficial things in life. They want to get together and really talk - about life's valleys and mountain tops, about theological things, about anything! In a short amount of time we feel like we know them more than people we knew for years. Tim has become involved with the music team and also played in an indoor-soccer league with some guys from the church for the past two sessions. Currently, soccer is done right now so he has moved on to playing basketball at the church once a week. This has given him the opportunity to meet people and do something physically active which I never realized was so important for him. I am still attending the Ladies Bible Study and we are starting a study by Anne Graham Lotz called "The Vision of His Glory." It is on the book of Revelation, which has always terrified me, so I'm interested in seeing how this goes since it focuses more on hope than fear.
Work life. Tim was "fired" back at the beginning of December. He's self-employed and sub-contracted so "fired" for him means the owner of the painting company wasn't going to supply him with any more work. The most interesting thing, I think, was the way we responded to the phone call. He came inside (I had no idea what was going on) after a phone call during a morning shoveling snow and he said, "Well, I'm fired." I looked at him and said, "Ok. What do you want me to make you for lunch?" No stress or fear of the future. We have been through God's supernatural provision too many times. When he explained all of what transpired to me later, I was actually kind of happy that he wouldn't be working for the guy anymore. The whole thing was ridiculous and Tim didn't do anything wrong that he needed to be ashamed of. He has no regrets and I think that's great.
God has provided him with pretty steady work since, maybe a few days off here and there, but he's on his third side job since it happened. You have to understand this as well - Tim doesn't advertise, so the jobs that he gets come from word of mouth recommendations. I'm so proud of him. Since being "fired", they have called back twice. The first time was to ask what it would take to get him to come back. Tim gave them a list of "conditions" and hadn't heard back. The second call came on our way to the marriage conference this weekend and the manager (not owner - the manager Tim actually got along great with; it's the owner that has issues) asked if he could come in and help over the weekend. Tim told him we would be out of town. The manager informed him that he (the manager) had quit and was just going to finish the house up over the weekend and be done. So now the owner has lost his two full-time hardest workers. We're curious as to if he can even stay in business much longer with how he's running his business into the ground.
So we haven't been concerned in the work area. Oh! This is awesome, too: Tim had debated back and forth about calling Aaron, the guy who he first worked for and was taught to paint by, six years ago. After a couple days, he decided that he would wait and let Aaron call him if he needed help. (Besides a few weeks of work for Aaron a year ago, Tim has not painted with his company since Noah was born, so 4 1/2 years ago. We don't see or talk to Aaron so it would be random if Aaron actually called Tim.) About two hours later, Tim received a call from Aaron, whose company happens to be coming up on some busy schedules and he was wondering if/when Tim had availability and interest in doing some work. Would he?! What another sign of God's provision!
Now here is the biggest way we are praying right now. This one has been my struggle when I get emotional/hormonal and want to give up. We have to pay for this birth out of pocket. Our HSA does not cover maternity. You can buy a maternity rider, but you have to do so before becoming pregnant. Since we were not planning on becoming pregnant again, we never had time to buy a rider. We more than qualify for Medicaid, which we had to use for our other two births, but we decided at the beginning of this pregnancy that we didn't want to depend on it again. We trusted that God would provide for this baby, who was a surprise to us but not to Him.
We figured that extra money would go into the baby account and our tax return would cover the hospital stay which we researched the cost of. Not a problem. We assumed that, in all, if everything went as planned (which we know can seem like a stretch to think) it would cost us between $4,000-$6,000, which actually made it pointless to even buy a maternity rider as it would cost us the same amount and I think we still would have had other payments to make.
I had an appointment two weeks ago during which my midwife shared her concern for delivering at the hospital we originally planned. Apparently, some decisions are being made there and, coupled with short-staffed and over-worked nurses, she and her husband (the OB/GYN in the office) have become concerned for the safety of their patients, especially those of us who have had complications already in our pregnancies. The decision was still mine and Tim's to make on where to deliver and we are opting for the hospital in Grand Rapids. I called later that week to find out how much Spectrum charges for a birth and it's about twice as much as the other hospital. This means, we're now looking at about $10,000 for a birth with no complications or medications. Talk about motivation to go epidural-free!
My first reaction was freak-out, I'm not going to lie. I sobbed and told Tim we need to just do the Medicaid, which he still stood against. I hung up the phone on him, angry and confused. That's when the afternoon took another interesting turn. I sat down with my lunch and opened the Compassion magazine that we get for sponsoring kids from Compassion. On the first page is the president's letter and my eyes for some reason (or more likely by a nudge from the Lord) were immediately drawn to a paragraph toward the end of the letter. It reads:

Compassion decided not to seek funds from government sources. "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it" (Psalm 24:1 NIV). God is able to meet the financial needs of Compassion. It's our responsibility to trust the He will honor those who honor Him and then to steward with integrity the resources He provides through you, our sponsors. Of our $465 million annual budget, not one penny comes from the U.S. government.

Interesting, I thought. OK, so, yes, Compassion has sponsors to help them meet their budget, but at the same time I'm not needing $465 million here.
Then, about an hour or two later, I received a call from my mom that a relative was sending a check to Tim and I because she had felt it placed on her heart. The relative just wanted a phone call when we got the check to be certain it made it to us since she doesn't trust the postal service in her town. By the time I got off the phone with my mom, I could feel God's arms surrounding me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered in prayer. "I'm so dumb for forgetting that there is no amount of money that is impossible for you when everything on this earth is Your's."
This past weekend at the marriage conference, the speakers (Dave and Ann Wilson) encouraged all of us to come up with a mission for our marriage. Tim and I talked on the way back to Josh and Renee's house about what our mission could be. As soon as Tim started talking, I knew we would be on the same page. He talked about how God has provided for our family in awesome ways that are beyond what we could imagine. How we forget about verses like Matthew 17:20 that tell us:

For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

We decided that a good mission phrase for our family would be something along the lines of Mustard Seed. In our society we depend so much on ourselves and what we can do for us. We depend on our government (and we all know how reliable that is) and what they can do for us. How often do we believe that our faith can make the impossible possible? Do we think the Bible lies? Or was it just applicable back when Jesus was around?
Yes, $10,000 seems like an outrageous amount of money to me when we have but $5 in a savings account. No, I have no clue how God is going to provide for this birth. But I know this much:
We have a mustard seed of faith. And that is all our God needs.

Seriously, Do They Ever Stop??

2010-02-10T21:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I went out with my STATS group for their presentation. STATS is a program I volunteer/work with (I get a very small stipend and mileage reimbursed so I guess I can't say I totally volunteer) out of Reeths-Puffer High School. STATS stands for Straight Talk About Tough Stuff. High school students at R-P interview for a spot in it and only 48 are chosen. They then are broken up and organized (by the leaders) into 6 teams of 8 students - 4 boys and 4 girls. This year we have done things a bit differently and there are 3 sex teams and 3 substance abuse teams. The teams go out once a month during the school year to Muskegon County middle schools and teach the kids about abstinence. This is done through skits, songs, personal talks, tips on how to say "no", etc. The middle school kids think it's great to have these cool high school students interacting with them throughout the day and the teachers appreciate what the teams are doing.
There is some background. I lead one of the teams, which basically means that I am in charge of turning on the music (certain songs for certain skits, etc), keep track of the bag o' props, and cheer them on as well as give constructive criticism if they're getting out of hand. My group this year is fantastic which makes it even more enjoyable. They also "mother hen" me and don't let me carry anything, move anything, demand I sit, and even laid out a plan of what to do if I go into labor during a practice or performance (who will drive me to the hospital, who will lean out the car window mimicking ambulance noises and yelling "move out of the way! Lady in labor!", who will hold my hand in the backseat, etc.) They're a riot.
Anyways, back to the point of this post. Yesterday I was with my STATS team at North Muskegon middle school, which is also in the same building as the high school and connected to the elementary school. They all share the same cafeteria and other offices, etc. Small school, big building. We were not expecting to receive lunch, as we do from other schools, because they only had 3 classes to perform to and they were back-to-back-to-back. The principal, who was very kind, told me at the end of the first performance that he would have the second class come in a bit later so that we could have time to run down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat. Usually, we eat lunch with the students so that the kids can interact with them, but at N. Muskegon, the middle schoolers actually eat brunch and had already eaten. The high schoolers had also already consumed their lunches. We would be eating with the 1st-3rd graders. This was fine with us as we would mainly be shoveling our food in anyways to prep for the next performance.
I was not expecting what came next. As we walked down the hall to stand in line for lunch, these little munchkins were all around us. One small boy looked up and looked me right in the eye as I took my place in line.
It pierced my heart because all I could think of was how he was but a couple years older than Noah and that meant that in a couple years, Noah is going to be in a cafeteria eating lunch.
At school.
Without me.
My first instinct was to say, "I'm never sending Noah to school. He's staying home forever." This brought a couple things: one being my STATS kids saying, "No! You can't shelter him! Just be a good parent and he'll turn out like us." (They're quite confident, no? Good thing they really are great kids.)
The second was that I would never keep Noah from life experiences. I know they're going to hurt and I'm sure I'll be one of the parents that drops her son off at his first day of school and then cries afterward. It's a good thing we live within walking distance of the school so I just have to walk through a blur of tears and not operate a vehicle.
Every time I think about young-5s and kindergarten, I'm fine. I mean, really, right now he is in preschool 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours each time. In Y-5 and kindergarten, he'll be there 5 days a week for around 3 hours. That's not too big a jump, and quite honestly, with a new baby here and Ellie being home still since she won't be old enough for preschool yet, I think Noah is going to want to be at school more than home and I will probably find things a bit easier to handle in the mornings.
It's that thinking about first grade that throws me off. He'll be gone all day. Will he make friends easily? Will kids like him? His teachers have always loved him - at church and at preschool. Will older kids bully him?
I posted not too long ago about our debating putting him in Y-5 instead of kindergarten next year. Now I'm posting this. I need to just chill out since the time is not here anyways.
Does a mother's heart ever get some kind of relief?
Do our tears always flow freely and easily?
Does parenting ever get easier?
Probably not.
It's worth it.

Stop the Hormonal Rollercoaster...I Need to Get Off

2010-01-29T14:45:00.003-05:00

My emotions during this pregnancy have been pretty in-check. I'll admit, on Christmas night at my in-laws', each family took a different chapter to read from The Jesus Storybook Bible (we each had a copy with us. I think it's kind of funny that we all even own a copy of the same Bible for our kids!) that revolved around the Christmas story. I read aloud first and it was the chapter about Jesus being born. Yeah, try to get through that one without crying. I was a mess.
That has pretty much been the extent of my emotionalism. (Is that a word?)
Until a couple Saturdays ago, when I became the Jekyll/Hyde of pregnancy. All I can say is that I'm thankful my husband is patient and wise.
I returned home from a quick Meijer trip and found the kids had already finished their lunches, been cleaned up and were down for their naps. I was looking forward to making a bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup and loading it down with Townhouse crackers...because, as Tim says, I tend to eat more along the line of crackers with some soup rather than soup with some crackers. Anyways...
I heated up my soup and poured it in the bowl. Tim was in the kitchen cleaning up from lunch still as I opened the cabinet and pulled out the box of crackers which seemed very light. I looked inside.
Empty.
I turned to Tim and asked, "Where are the crackers?"
Not noticing the possible eruption ahead he said, "Oh, I gave the rest to the kids with their lunch today."
"Why is there an empty box in the cupboard?"
"I must have forgotten to throw it away."
3...2...1...
"How am I supposed to eat my tomato soup with no crackers?! Why would you put an empty box back into the cupboard? I can't eat my soup without my crackers!"
At this point, he stops wiping off the dining room table to actually look at me. "Well, I saved you some leftovers meatballs if you want those instead."
I opened the fridge and pulled out said meatballs. There were a few. I looked for the mashed potatoes. None.
"Where are the mashed potatoes?" I asked.
"I finished them off with lunch," Tim answered, his voice growing afraid.
"I can't eat these meatballs without the mashed potatoes and I can't eat my soup with crackers!"
At this point I am seriously crying and at the same time wondering what has possessed my body to make me act this way as even I can tell I'm being truly ridiculous. Yet I can't seem to overcome it.
Tim bravely suggested, "Maybe you should lay down on the couch for a few minutes."
Still sobbing, I threw myself on to the couch and covered myself with a blanket (because I'm so not dramatic.) I lay there crying for a minute.
I woke up an hour later. I don't even remember falling asleep but I must have been out of it pretty hard because Tim said I was snoring. And I don't snore. Except while pregnant with this baby.
I was so embarrassed when I woke up and quickly apologized to Tim for my irrational behavior. He forgave me and said he knew I just needed some sleep. This was, obviously, true.
This pregnancy has been something else. Two months to go and I'm hoping to be able to overcome "crazy, pregnant Andrea" within that time.
We'll see.

My Most Recent Enjoyment...

2010-01-21T21:19:00.005-05:00

Not just eating bread...goodness, that's always been one of my favorite things to do.
No, it's baking my own bread that I am enjoying. And, oh, is this recipe delightful. I honestly don't think I'll ever buy store bought bread again. We had some as a snack, yum. I used some for a tuna fish sandwich for lunch, yum. We had some with our dinner tonight, yum. I doubled the recipe to make two loaves and it's probably a really good thing I did.
I don't have a bread machine, which is what the recipe called for, so I was thrilled to find a woman who wrote a review with the modifications to do it by hand. I really can't get enough of doing it by hand. For me, there is something about kneading the dough that is so incredibly necessary for me. I think it teaches me a couple life lessons:
Be still - When you have to stand in one place at a counter to knead dough for anywhere from 5 to 8 minutes depending on what kind you're making, you have to kind of still your body. Obviously, you can't walk around the kitchen while kneading so you're put in one place for what feels like a long time. This is good for me because I am not usually the type of person who can just stand. When I'm kneading, I can pray, I can think, I can sing - I can enjoy a few minutes of keeping my legs in one spot.
Patience - For this recipe in particular, when I was finished kneading the dough, I had to let it rise for an hour while it doubled. Then I had to punch it down and let it rise for another 45 minutes while it doubled again. Then I had to put it in the loaf pans and let it go for another 20 minutes before then baking it for 40 minutes. Within the first 10 minutes it was in the oven, my house smelled so delicious I wanted to take the bread out prematurely and devour it based on smell alone. Baking bread teaches you delayed gratification rather than instant. Sure, it takes a few hours, but it is so worth it when you slice into that warm loaf and then butter and honey it up.
So if you like to bake bread, try the recipe! It you haven't ever baked bread before - give it a try! Try different kinds until you find one you like. This one is a definite winner for our family. Some of my goals for this year include getting into the habit of baking bread on a regular basis so we don't have to buy it from the store - this way I can control what I put in it as well. I also want to try doing some canning this year and we're going to give our garden another go now that we have had a year to see what grows well in our soil and what doesn't. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era. I would be totally happy stepping quite a way back from how far everything has come to just return to some simplicity.

Life Update

2010-01-13T21:49:00.005-05:00

The excitement of the Ross household...where to begin?? OK, not really. We're fairly dull when it comes to details lately.
Tim started a side job today, has one lined up for afterward, another for after that and then received a call from his very first boss that taught him how to paint 6 years ago who wants him for some upcoming work as well. Praise the Lord, He is providing! There is also a very large job on hold. His bid was accepted by an older couple that wanted him to start this month when they left for Floria and re-do (paint, etc.) their entire home but then the woman's two sisters (who are both fighting cancer) took a horrible turn for the worse and everything has been delayed. So we wait on that while remembering them in our prayers.
I have been labeled as "high risk for preterm labor" as of my last prenatal appointment, which was last Monday. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow and my cervical prolapse returned the week before Christmas. I am not officially on bed rest but have to get off my feet whenever possible. I also get to wear this super attractive (total sarcasm there) belly support band that feels like a brace and supposedly helps to hold my belly/baby up a bit to relieve some of the pressure. I'm not enjoying it and I honestly don't know if it's helping at all, but I'll do what I have to in order to keep this baby in for at least another 8 weeks. Aaaagh! 8 weeks until I'm technically full-term!! So much to do and so little time...
Noah is a blast. Challenging at times, as I think any mother of a 4-year old would say, but such a joy. I cannot believe how fast he is growing up. He is a huge help to me right now when Tim is gone. He wants to do whatever he can and loves to help set the table, clear the table, "help" clean (he takes a baby wipe and cleans walls, cupboard doors and whatever else is at his height) and "parent" Ellie ("No, Ellie. Don't do that. Get down from there. Don't touch that. Be careful next to Mama's belly, etc. etc. etc.") At the moment, Tim and I are going back and forth with whether to proceed in putting him in kindergarten next year or doing a Young-5s/Pre-K program instead. In my thoughts, it was always, "You turn 5, you go to kindergarten." In Tim's eyes (that repeated kindergarten because there was no pre-k program) it would be more beneficial to hold a boy off a year and have him go through kindergarten an entire year at age 6 than age 5. Noah turns 5 right before the school year starts and, although we know he is academically smart enough and ready for kindergarten, his size is small for his age and he is a sensitive kid. I think in this matter I need to listen to Tim's opinion seriously because he is a boy (obviously) and has been there and knows the working of a man's world whereas I never will. So if he thinks it would be better to hold Noah off a year and put him in Young-5 then I respect that. It also helps that I talked to two of my friends who are teachers and got their opinions on it and they both agreed with Tim, bringing up how boys don't mature socially and emotionally as quickly as girls do, so even if they seem smart enough for kindergarten, it doesn't necessarily mean they're ready.
Ah, the decisions of parenting...The boy loves maps, globes and things that look like the earth. I am learning a lot about geography from him actually...

He also loves sledding and all things outdoors-related. He is a mini-Tim in the making.

And Eleanor is...Eleanor. Actually, after a rough beginning and difficult time bonding with her (which is hard when you have mother/daughter bond expectations), I have lately found myself looking at her with the love-that-makes-you-want-to-burst. She is stubborn, strong-willed, temperamental, dramatic and wonderful. I have gone from wanting to give her away often to someone else to raise to now loving the moments I get to spend with her. Her favorite words are "cookie" and "hot cocoa" and I think she has a cookie-6th sense. Yesterday I broke a piece off a peanut butter cookie to nibble on it while I was in the kitchen and as I turned around to put it in my mouth, her little body popped up around the corner as I heard her voice saying "Cookie. Cookie." Now here is the thing: with Noah we have always been a bit stern when it comes to what kind of sweets, etc. to give him. We're loosening up a bit, but he still has never had pop or gum, his juice is on a limited intake and Halloween candy was limited to one piece a day. Like I said, we're starting to loosen up, so don't go policing me on being an unfair mom. I can at least say that he had a perfect dental appointment last week (besides the fact he'll need braces because he has no spaces between his baby teeth right now.) Anyways, now Ellie. All she has to do is look at me with her big blue eyes and sweetly say, "Cookie" and next thing I know I'm breaking off a piece of cookie to give to her. Which I then have to give Noah the other half or else I'm a bad, unfair mom. =) So my dear Eleanor Lee has finally become a joy and breath of laughter to my life. Actually, she probably always has been...it just took me a long time to realize it.

Mmmmm....Cookie....

Life isn't always perfect here, far from it in fact. Oftentimes I fall into bed at night feeling like I should kick myself for all the wrong things I did as a mother that day. Don't we all feel that way as parents at one time or another? There are times where the kids go to bed at night and I think the day has been a success if I made it through without giving any time-outs or spanking warnings or wanting to ship Ellie off to a boarding school for toddlers.
Tim and I haven't had any explosive fights in a long time, but it's not to say we don't have our disagreements, or that I don't envy him for the strong faith he holds when, as a woman, mine wants to falter when I think of finances. Thankfully, he pulls me back with Scripture and life reminders quickly so that I don't stay in that spot of weakness.
Life isn't perfect. We have walked through many valleys to be brought to the mountaintops we are experiencing in life. The view is good...

Belated

2010-01-01T18:57:00.005-05:00

Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!!

Here's a taste of what our Christmas was like:

8 kids under the age of 9 years old in the same house for 4-5 days...it was loud, rambunctious and full of laughter and joy.

There will be more to blog in coming days but for now I'm exhausted!

"If you can!"

2009-12-17T13:22:00.003-05:00

First of all, since this will be one of those theological/intellectual thought kind of post, we'll start with something cute. Using the tutu tutorial (try saying that without thinking of The Beatles' singing, "Goo goo gajoob" from "I Am the Walrus") I made Ellie a tutu the other night. It's her Christmas present but I had to try it on her the next morning to make sure the size was right. How awesome is finding projects that cost less than $10 to make and only takes an hour? Yeah, awesome. I'm telling you, you have to check out that website.
On to the meat of the post and I would love to hear thoughts afterward as I'm hearing this topic all over the place the lately.
We have been going through the Gospel of Mark in our Sunday School class. This past week we spent a lot of time and discussion on chapter 9, verses 14-29, finding the main focus to be on verses 22-24. Let's read them (first, some background - a man is seeking healing for his demon possessed son. The disciples have already tried to heal him and were unable to and so the man has asked Jesus.)
"(22)And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." (23) And Jesus said to him, "'If you can!' All things are possible for one who believes." (24) Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
Thus brought on the discussion of belief and faith and how little we have of both. One man explained that there is a woman he works with, fairly "charismatic" if you want to describe her as such, who tells him about the things she prays for that actually come to be. He said he often leaves her office in tears because, whereas he has the "head knowledge" of the Bible and how his faith should be, she actually has the belief and confident faith.
My mom has changed her way of praying and I admire it and am starting to follow her example because...well, it makes sense when I think about it. She prays something specific, believing that God can do it. When my dad went in to have some x-rays done a couple months ago on his chest (he was having some breathing problems), she prayed that they would be nothing but dried-up blood clots (which he developed in early 2005.) She told me to ask people to pray, but to pray specifically for that and if they couldn't, then don't pray at all. That is how we prayed and that is what the doctor said they were.
I have been thinking, and have talked with the girls in my small group, about how often we give God an "out." We pray things like, "God, please (insert request) but if it's not Your will, then that's ok." I think we have developed a weak way of praying when we say things like that. Why wouldn't God want us to be healthy? Why wouldn't He want the best for us, especially when He has given us so many promises in the Bible and we should be praying them? Why do we have such a hard time asking for something and believing He - the Creator of the universe - can actually do it?
Think, or look, back at the passage in Mark. The boy's father says, "but if you can do anything." Do you treat God like that?
Look at Jesus' response, "'If you can!' All things are possible for one who believes."
So why don't we?
It would be really easy in my life to be discouraged, stressed out and anxious. I could live in a state of worry about Tim's job and where work will come from and how we will pay the bills. However, God has taught us a lesson time and again and that is that He is a faithful Provider. He has never let us fall. Never ever.
We have grown so much in the last 6-8 months, starting back in the Spring. As we studied the Bible and sought the teaching of people with strong faith who were living it out, we felt ourselves
be challenged. We started letting our chains be loosened, stepping out in faith that God was going to come through. We started giving more - and with cheerful hearts - and we saw His blessings. BUT, and this is a great BIG BUT, we do NOT give to others with the expectation for God to bless us in return for what we have done. Our motives are not selfish, but because we can't help but do it. When you feel the Spirit move you to do something, you do it! If you don't, you've missed out on a great opportunity to do something for the Lord. We were tired of missed opportunities due to our tight fists and unbelief.
We are on a journey meeting many who have been through similar situations and are also tired of living their old "Christian" lives, people sharing hearts and missions and who are eager to walk on a path God is calling them to. Our hearts are filled with anticipation and excitement and a bubbling over to tell others what He has done and how He is working and how He can do the same for them.
"All things are possible for one who believes."
Do you still try to control your life? Do you find yourself being put through situations again and again and again, much to your frustration? Do you really believe God can come through for you? Or do you talk one way and believe another?
I'm not saying it's easy to learn. But it's freeing when you get to the point when you, as the saying goes, "let go and let God."
"All things are possible for one who believes."
How much do you believe?

For the Crafters...

2009-12-14T15:38:00.003-05:00

I stumbled across this website today while looking for tutorials on how to make a tutu myself. (I really want to make a pettiskirt for Ellie but the material I need can only be found online and I can't bring myself to pay $40-$60 to buy one at a store, so we're using a tutu for a back-up and I'll just make it very full.)
Anyways, the website is called Make It and Love It. I can't tell you how excited I am about this site. Not all the projects call for a sewing machine either, so don't think you need to be an experienced crafter to check out this site!
Let's just say that some of my original Christmas gift projects are being changed around to do some new ones I've found on the website instead...

Prayer

2009-11-24T14:00:00.002-05:00

Friday evening Tim was at a "guys night" with some of the men from our church. I put the kids to bed and then settled down to debate what to watch for the night. Movie? TV show on Hulu? Just listen to some music or a sermon? I was catching up on blog reading when I received a call from Matt and Jeana letting me know that on the National Youth Workers Convention site they were going to be live streaming Francis Chan speaking at their Atlanta convention and they thought I might want to watch it. Of course! I called my friend, Renee, to let her and her husband know about it and then settled in. I wasn't sure what to expect since he was speaking to youth leaders/workers/volunteers, but I'm so glad I tuned in.
The whole message was fantastic, but at the end I was convicted in a big, fat way when he started to tell about how a few years ago he sat his staff down (and he said he was going to be doing it again soon) and asked them a question. He said he had a staff of about 60-70 people (by the way, Chan does not get paid for being a pastor. He told the elder board he did not feel right taking a salary. He also has a fund that all of his book royalties go into that help missionaries/Christians in another country that are being persecuted.)
Anyways, he told his staff that they were going to go around and every person had to answer the question on whether or not they were spending at least one hour in prayer each day. He said that if they answered "no" then he was going to remove them and find someone who does to take their place.
This was like a kick in the butt to me because the subject of prayer has been on my mind a lot lately. Not prayer itself, unfortunately, but thinking about it. I think that because my Ladies' Bible Study is going through "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer - which deals a lot with prayer - I have been noticing how little I pray intentionally. There are the before-the-meal-prayers, before-bed-prayer, and the help-me!-prayers.
Prayer scares me. I don't know why. The thought of sitting down and talking with God for an extended amount of time kind of freaks me out. I worry about what to say, am I going to pray the correct way? Is there a right or wrong way to pray? Things like that. However, I felt that God is speaking to me through Shirer and Chan so I had better listen.
So this week I have been trying some new things based on Scripture. First of all, during the time I was praying yesterday, I felt like God was bringing Psalm 97 into my head. So I read it along with the next 3 chapters, through Psalm 100. Many verses stood out to me, but regarding ways to pray, Psalm 100:2b jumped out:
"Come into his presence with singing!"
Hmmmm.
I also remembered something we had talked about in Bible Study along with my verse I picked to memorize for that week:
"Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few." -Ecclesiastes 5:2
We talked about how when we come before the Lord (and there are numerous verses that talk about this) we need to pretty much be silent. We are so quick to jump in with our requests and miseries. Not that these are not important to God, but do you love when your children come before you complaining all the time or talking about what they need or want in their lives?
So this is what I tried today that I think I may end up using for my prayer time, although I realize it can and should change based on the day and what is going on in life: I first listened and sang along with some songs from the worship CD: "Any Given Day." I like this CD because it's very passionate and focused. After coming into His presence with some joyful "noise" (since I don't sing well) I just sat quietly for awhile.
Wow, hard.
When you can hear the dryer in the laundry room, the heat kicking on through the vents, the vehicles driving by outside...you realize it's hard to surround yourself with silence. It really is an exercise to train yourself to block out noise. Our Bible study teacher had also recommended keeping some paper and a pen by you, and when a thought pops into your head and you feel you're going to be distracted, write it down and then forget about it until later. Like today I thought, "Oh! I have to remember to pick up___________before tomorrow." Wrote it down and pushed it aside. Side note: this time of prayer was obviously being done while the kids were napping or else this whole moments of silence thing would be a joke.
After that I followed the model we learned in youth group growing up: ACTS
Adoration
Confession
Thanksgiving
Supplication/Intercession
I enjoyed my time and felt like it all became more natural after I got over the thought that it's hard to find things to say to God.
Anyways, how much time would you say you spend in prayer a day/week/month and what are ways that you pray or what are your thoughts on prayer? I'm curious!

What Not To Say

2009-11-19T14:34:00.002-05:00

You've probably heard it said, thought it yourself, or maybe even said it yourself.
If you've miscarried or lost a child at some point early on, you may have even had it said to you about your situation. We had it happen more frequently than I wish after our miscarriage.
It's the infamous phrase:
"Well, it's probably better that you lost the baby when you did. It might have had conditions/diseases/special needs/handicaps, etc."
Some people even go so far as to tack on, "God was saving him/her from a life of problems and hardship."
This kind of thinking makes me furious. It is basically implying that anyone that does have a handicap or medical disability would be better off dead.
It's like saying that kids like
Brayden
or
Kelsi
or
Waverly and Oliver
live lives of misery and unhappiness. That they shouldn't even be here because they are a burden to their families and society.
It's like saying that those of us who have lost a child in some form would rather have a healthy and beautiful baby than any baby at all.
Wrong.
I think it is funny how, after a 20 week utrasound, the parents receive two questions:
"Did you find out the gender?"
and
"Is it healthy?"
I'll be honest, we have thanked God after each appointment when we hear that yes, everything with our baby looks good. However, we also realize that ultrasounds don't pick up all conditions and that things can be missed. If we found ourselves in a situation where after one of our children were born, it was discovered that something was wrong, do you think we would be holding him or her and thinking,
"Oh, shoot. I wish I would have miscarried this baby."
No! We would do all we could to love on that baby and ask God for guidance as we walk through an unexpected journey.
Those of you reading this may have never said anything like this, but if you have - or if you've even thought it - just take the time to really think about the phrase. In an effort and attempt to try to say something comforting in an awkward situation, you're actually sticking your foot in your mouth and causing more hurt in the person you're talking to.
Please pray for the children I listed above as Brayden, a family member of our's, undergoes what seems like constant testing to try to figure out exactly what is wrong so they can figure out how to treat it. Pray for Kelsi as she has a major mid-face surgery to help her breathe, and due to her condition an infection following could be deadly. Pray for Waverly and Oliver as they and their family walk through the most agressive form of Sanfilippo knowing that, because there is no treatment or cure, they will be the parents who have to bury both their children who are so young right now.
Oh, God, help us to have Your heart for others.

Random Thoughts and Updates and Pictures

2009-11-12T12:36:00.006-05:00

Hello, there.
Blogging for me has been few and far between. I'm ok with that. Changing seasons, things to do, tackling projects, etc. Anyways, here we go with an update, pictures and some random thoughts on this mind.
*Baby update - Went in Monday for the ultrasound (I'm 20 weeks today) and everything is checking out great. We thought we were going to have to leave not knowing the gender, which, surprisingly, I was having an easier time coping with than Tim. The "area" was under my belly button and so all we could see was a black spot for awhile where there should have been some kind of parts going on - male or female. Out of the blue the baby moved, actually, it probably was from the technician pressing so hard all over the place and annoying him. That's right, I said HIM - we are expecting a baby boy...an active one at that. He did not stop moving the whole time we were peeking in at him. Hiccups, yawns, arms waving about and kicking feet. I hope he gets it out of his system now so he can come out calm for a bit. Anyways, yes - we have a first name picked out (middle name is still being decided by Tim) and yes, we are the kind of people who share it, so - our boy is going to be named Caleb. (Sorry, L acey - we're seriously NOT stealing your son's name!) We picked Caleb for a couple different reasons: (a) It's pretty much the only boy name we can agree on and (b) We both think the Caleb of the Bible was a strong and godly man; loyal and obedient, and we would love for our son to have him as his namesake. Over the summer I was listening to "Revive Our Hearts" and Nancy Leigh DeMoss (not sure if I spelled that right) was doing a study on the life of Joshua and one of the days was about Caleb. It is one of my favorite shows I've heard of her's and has stuck with me since. You can read about Caleb in chapters 13 and 14 in the book of Numbers.
*Played at the GR Children's Museum last week with the Nashes. We went to Yesterdog beforehand for dinner and later that night I kept wondering to myself, "What is it about Yesterdog that makes it so awesome? The dive atmosphere? The graffiti on the walls and tables and duct tape holding together parts of the seats? The soggy hot dog buns? The lack of plates? The mix of classic rock and alternative '90s music? The way you feel like you can't get your hands clean enough after you leave?" When I was thinking over all these things, all I can come up with it is that's it's a combination of all the above. The place sounds horrid when you break up all the characteristics and yet when it's all combined, it's addictive. And delicious. Tim and I think Guy Fieri should feature it on "Diners, Dives and Drive-ins." Grand Rapids' gem, right? We love it along with probably everyone else in West Michigan.
Anyways, the Children's Museum was a blast. My kids could not get enough of it. My parents are getting the kids a family membership for Christmas this year so we'll be able to go as much as we want. It is so fun.
*We've been doing projects around the house. We made a toddler bed for Ellie. We wanted to get her out of her crib and get it put away with lots of time before we have to get it out again. She has a jealous nature to her and we can see her being the type to crawl into the crib and try to take it back if it's still fresh in her mind. Tim and I (and Noah, as a "helper") made the bed and we love the way it turned out. So cheap, too. It's great. We start the next project tonight: painting the dining room. I want to paint the walls a tan color (I need a break from the green that's on there now and am in need of a neutral.) Tim said that was fine IF he could paint the ceiling red. So we'll see how this is going to turn out. I will admit, though, I trust his taste in colors completely and when it comes to paint projects, he has more knowledge than me so I can't always see the vision of what he is seeing. I'm trusting him on this one...

*The knitting needles and crochet hooks have found their way out of the basket and into my hands as the weather turns colder. I made Ellie a winter hat, Noah a hat, have one in my queue at Ravelry for myself and have two requests for hats like Ellie's from some other women. I have to say, every year I forget how much I enjoy crocheting. You can turn out a project so much faster than knitting.
*I found a website I am very excited about. It's for once a month freezer cooking and is called Once a Month Mom. I'm getting more into the freezer cooking/baking. What a great way to save money and time!
*A family from church invited us over to their house Saturday night for dinner. They have four girls - the oldest is five years. Can you imagine? We enjoyed getting to know them and had some great discussion. Another family invited us over Monday night. They have three kids and just found out they are expecting #4. Their oldest, Jack, is the same age as Noah and they play together great. Outside of preschool, Noah doesn't have any boys his age to play with so he loved being at a house with a friend his age that plays the same way he does. They also have a daughter just three months younger than Ellie and another girl who is three years old, so Ellie had fun playing with their baby dolls and girlie toys. Tim and I clicked really quickly with the parents and we ended up staying way later than we anticipated. Thankfully, we are able to put our kids to bed easily at other people's houses and they must have been so tired from playing that they were almost instantly asleep. We're enjoying getting to know people from the church and the ones we just spent time with are less interested in playing games and more interested in conversation and getting to know people on an intimate level so it leads to good discussion on what God is teaching everyone.
*We received some great news that some very good friends of our's from college may be moving back to Michigan in the next year if the husband gets the job he's applying for (please, God!!) It's looking really positive so far. It wouldn't be West Michigan, but they would be only about 2 hours away as opposed to 5, so we'll take it!
*I'm very much excited for the holidays this year. We're simplifying everything in order to focus more on what it's really about and not having the pressure of Christmas shopping and fighting the crowds in the stores is so freeing. Tim and I do have to go on Saturday and get the gifts for the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes we're putting together, but we're planning on doing that without kids so we can get through faster and be able to focus. Plus, that one is just fun because you're providing children with something they won't be getting otherwise. I know that my kids will get gifts from family members and even the nieces and nephews we buy for will also be getting lots of other gifts as well from other family, but I don't think the shoebox kids will so it's just as fun for us to provide some fun for them. We'll have Noah and Ellie help us assemble and wrap the boxes when we get home to involve them in the experience.
*I'm looking forward to getting out my "2009 Goals" list out and seeing what I actually accomplished and then making one for 2010. My friend, Bekah, recently wrote a blog post about making a list of 30 things to do before she turns 30. She found it on someone else's blog and I think I might do it as well. That means I should start thinking because I only have about 13 months to go.
And if you're wondering how big the belly is getting, then here is a little update on that. I actually feel smaller than my other pregnancies so far, although I felt I started getting bigger much sooner.
This is actually me at 6 months pregnant with Noah (this is actually the first picture we took of me pregnant with him. Is that sad?)

This is me pregnant at 5 1/2 months with Ellie. I'm not sure why this writing is funky right now.This is me at the children's museum last week at 5 months pregnant. Yes, the sweater is the same. I'm limited right now on the clothing options when it comes to maternity. And it's so stinkin' comfy, too.

Fall Family Photos

2009-10-26T20:58:00.005-04:00

We are blessed to have many friends who are photographers, both professional, and those who do it for fun because they have a good eye and a good camera. Our friend, Jeana, took some family pictures for us on an afternoon this week when we actually had a break from the rain. Here are some of our favorites. Thanks a ton, Jeana!

As any family with young children knows, it's hard to get a picture with everyone looking at the camera. In this picture, Noah demonstrates this point as he was gazing longingly at the playground equipment.

My little peanut.

My big pumpkin.

Mi amor, who has always had an obsession with putting flowers behind my ears. This day I received a leaf.

Honestly, it's weird for me to look at pictures and realize she's my daugher since she looks everything the miniature of her dad but nothing like me. I feel like I look at pictures of the two of us and say, "Oh, right. She's mine."

My two favorite guys. We had not seen the Nashes in a long time and Noah was so excited to get to play with Emma. They were collecting leaves in this basket Jeana brought along and then both picked it up to carry it over to a different playground. The picture was completely candid - nobody told them what to do. It just turned out to be one of those great moments.

A God Thing (some encouragement for the day)

2009-10-20T07:23:00.004-04:00

The day before I left for the Hearts at Home conference, our blue van was in the shop to have some rattling noises checked out as well as have our very back door handle rigged back on since it was rusting off. The shop called to tell us that we had two problems going on. The first, which needed to be fixed immediately, was to get a new wheel bearing. They said it's a safety issue because if the bearing goes, the tire goes, too, right off the van. This would be about $175 to fix. The second problem, they said, did not have to be fixed immediately but in the very near future. This has something to do with our struts (or something like that) and would cost $X.
I told Tim that I didn't have a problem with the bearing but could we wait on the more expensive problem. We called around and found out that it is actually a great price to get it fixed for. The thing is that we're coming into "slow season" for Tim and he is possibly without work until sometime in November or December. I can already feel myself tightening down the budget and my fist closing around our money. We debated back and forth on it and finally he agreed to wait.
The night I returned home from the conference, Tim brought up the subject again. He said he felt like we needed to tithe the $X (the amount of repair) and trust that God was going to provide for the van to be fixed. He said he could tell that I was already trying to control the situation instead of trusting. Oh, to be reminded of my faults... He said that if we received a check later somehow for $X then it was to go to the van repair.
So the next morning we tithed the money I was trying to grasp. Later I told Tim that it was actually much easier for me to write a check for that amount to go to ministry than it was to think about writing it for a van that isn't going to last. We left that afternoon for Ohio where we have spent the past two weeks. The kids and I returned home on Saturday because I had meetings I had to be at on Sunday and Tim comes home today (yea!)
Last night I was checking my email and had one from an organization called Giving Anonymously. It said that someone wanted to send us a gift of money and could I verify my address so they could get it to us. It encouraged me to check out their website to make sure it wasn't a fraud. Believe me, it was the first thing I did because I was so convinced it was a scam. Giving Anonymously has been featured on news programs (popular well-known ones), radio programs, newpaper reports, etc. It checked out and I think it's a pretty awesome concept. I would definitely think about using it in the future to bless someone and if you're looking for a way to give completely anonymously, you should check it out. One of the things I think is awesome about this is that when you get the check, there is a number to call and leave a voicemail so that you can thank the giver for their gift. This is nice for those of us who have been on the receving end and wish that we could somehow thank whoever blessed us.
I emailed back to confirm my address and to ask, out of curiousity, how much the check was for. Tim and I have not told anyone about the cost of this car repair; I don't even know if we shared with more than my mom (who is not behind this) the fact we even needed a repair at all.
I think it is important that in life we listen to when God is telling us to do something. Tim obviously felt that God was speaking to him to release the money and that I needed to release my fear and control. I felt, through the peace God gave me in tithing, that He was going to take care of us even while I was writing a check that could cover my grocery, electric, gas and water bills for the month. Whether God is telling you to give up a certain amount of money, or to give up a job you may be miserable in but depend on to pay your bills, or to just give up your need to control every little thing and become anxious about every thing in life...it's crucial to listen to Him. He sees the big picture and what we don't.
So, anyways, this morning I received an email back with the amount of the check we're to expect:
$X. (The exact amount of the repair.)

When September Ends and Why It's Important To Do Your Kegels...

2009-10-10T12:27:00.005-04:00

I'm not a Green Day fan, but their song title "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was appropriate for me last month.
September is usually an interesting month anyways. Kids are heading back to school. The seasons start changing (maybe - in Michigan you never really know what it will be like.) It kind of feels like a time of beginnings with everything starting up again. It is also an emotional month for me.
This past September was especially exhausting. Noah started 4-year old kindergarten. I struggled with morning sickness, had a break at the end of the month and then Round 2 of morning sickness started up a week ago. I've never had that kind of experience before. With Noah my nausea stopped at 12 weeks exactly. Eleanor caused me to throw up every morning until I was 16 weeks along. With this one I never know if I'm going to throw up or not and two weeks ago I thought I was in the clear with it. What is going on inside that womb?
It was a rough month emotionally. A friend of mine miscarried September 12th at 14 weeks along. The next day was my sister and brother-in-law's 6th wedding anniversary, their daughter's 3rd birthday party and the first anniversary of their own miscarriage. Three days later on the 16th was the 5th anniversary of my miscarriage which was really hard for me this year, maybe because of everything else going on around me.
That week I also received word that a friend from college had thyroid cancer and a friend from our old church had a brain tumor (non-cancerous, thank God.) They both had surgeries the following week, my friend, Moriah, having her thyroid removed on Tuesday and Virginia having the tumor removed Thursday. Both went well, praise God.
The Ladies Bible Study at our church started the same week of the surgeries on that Wednesday. I am so thankful for it. I haven't been in one since the Moms Group a friend invited me to at her church when we lived in Grand Rapids. I was telling Tim the night before that I wonder if men really understand why we women need these kinds of things. He said he understood but probably only because he has seen firsthand the positive effect it has had on me. In GR, I joined it a few months after Noah was born and I was fighting postpartum unhappiness because new motherhood was NOT what I thought it would be. This new (to me) Bible Study is proving to be something that will challenge me, encourage me, hold me accountable, and love me. To be in a group of other women - with ages spanning those who are on their first baby to those who have great-grandchildren - is what every woman should have in her life. It is led by our pastor's wife and she is a strong, wise woman who isn't afraid to speak it like it is in the Bible. No sugar-coated Truth coming from her mouth. She is Spirit-filled and you can tell she spends a lot of time in prayer and in the Word.
The last weekend of the month was...eventful? You could say. Tim had spent the week working 12-14 hour days and had to work over the weekend as well so he was not home. The kids were bathed and just kind of hanging out playing and watching a movie while I cleaned up. I had spent the day cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. because I finally had my first burst of energy since entering my second trimester.
*If you are a man reading this - you may want to stop now. Just a warning.*
I went to the bathroom and while wiping thought something felt a little...wrong...down there. Out of curiousity, I put my hand down to feel a little more and there was definitely something hard coming out from between my legs. Quickly I washed my hands and ran upstairs, where I squatted over a mirror to see what was going on. I screamed after seeing something protruding between my legs.
I called Tim and told him I thought I might possibly be miscarrying. He asked if I was bleeding. No. Was I cramping? No. But there is definitely something coming out from a place only babies travel out of.
I then called my midwife/doctor's office, which was of course closed and wrote down the contact number for urgent questions for the on-call doctor. I called her, left a message with the nurse, and the doctor called me back soon after. She asked me what was wrong. The following is our conversation, not word-for-word, but you'll get the gist of it:
Me: I believe I am either miscarrying or delivering an alien baby.
Dr: I'm pretty sure you're not delivering an alien baby. Are you bleeding, cramping, in pain?
Me: No. What is going on? I have something coming out of me!
Dr: Can you describe it?
Me: Well, I guess it's kind of round, muscle-y looking maybe? Is the baby ok? Am I ok?
Dr: Well, it sounds like something that happens occasionally. Do you have kids already? Were they vaginal births?
Me: Yes, two of them.
Dr: Most likely - and this is not really common, but it's not uncommon either - your vaginal walls are caving in.
Silence.
Me: What?!
Dr: Talk to your doctor about it the next time you go in. There is no harm to you or the baby. Any other questions?
Me: Um, no, thanks. Bye.
Are there any other questions?! Yes! Like, why have I never heard of this before? Is my vagina always going to be falling out? When I joke around about all the pressure down there while I'm pregnant and say, "Oh, it feels like my crotch is falling out" I didn't really mean it literally!
My friend, Carrie, who was in town for the night came over shortly after to visit. She is a nurse and has worked the labor/delivery ward before. When I told her about it, she just stared at me and said, "Annie, I have never heard of that before."
Great.
So after she left and Tim was still not home yet, I did the next thing any curious and confused woman with no answers does. I googled, "mass protruding from between legs during pregnancy." That is when I came across multiple websites about uterine prolapse, which basically means the uterus is falling out. I should have stopped reading but instead was filled with the information of bedrest, preterm delivery, and hysterectomies being the only treatment for Stage 4 uterine prolapse, which, obviously, I had to have based on the fact stuff was coming out of me.
I went to bed unsettled and woke up with nothing coming out from between my legs anymore. Whew. I called my mom - which one should never really do before having concrete information about something - and told her my theory to which she of course freaked out. She already knew about uterine prolapse because my great-grandmother had it and was contantly having to go into the doctor in her old age to have her uterus put back in after it fell out. Oh, great. Not what I wanted to hear.
The next morning I called the office and got to meet the doctor that day. He is married to the midwife, who I saw the first time we went in. He asked a bunch of questions, did a pelvic exam and asked me to cough and then said, "Oh, yeah, I see what is going on."
Can I just break here and say how uncomfortable it is to be a woman and have your legs spread apart while you're laying on a table with a male OB/GYN you've never met before pretty much stating that it's obvious there is something wrong with your woman area. Anyways...
It turns out that, thankfully, it is not uterine prolapse, but cervical/vaginal prolapse. My uterus was at a size at the time where most of the weight was resting on my vaginal walls. Because my walls are weak from having those vaginal deliveries, not doing Kegels and the fact that everything else on me is weak so why not?, they were having trouble supporting the uterus and were caving in as a result. The good news is - and this has already happened - as the uterus grows, it rests on the pelvic bone and the weight is taken off the vaginal walls. The bad news is that at the end of the pregnancy when the baby's head drops down it will rest on those walls again and I will be in the same situation I was then.
"So what was actually coming out of me?" I asked him.
"Oh, that was your cervix. When you start to feel the pressure again, get off your feet as soon as possible."
"Why do pregnant women not talk about this? I'm pretty sure it's not in the pregnancy books, is it?"
"Well," he answered. "I think most women are embarassed by it. It's more common than you would think, however."
On a side note, everything is going well other than that with the pregnancy. My due date is actually April 1st, but we think he or she will make the appearance in late March.
So, ladies of childbearing age, I am here to tell you this story not to gross you out or make you afraid of having children, but to encourage you to do your Kegels.
And to not freak out if you're pregnant and something is protruding from your legs.
It's probably just your cervix.

Was I Staring?

2009-10-06T13:46:00.004-04:00

This past weekend I met up with two of my dear friends from college and we attended the Hearts at Home conference in Grand Rapids. We started planning it in January when Kelly came up with the idea after hearing the founder, Jill Savage, speak at her mom's group. After 10 months of waiting, the weekend came. You could say we were a bit, um, excited.
I left a few minutes earlier because I couldn't wait any longer (read: I was anxious to get away from my kids and husband) and also made better time than I thought getting to the place where I was going to pick Kelly up from her husband, Jack. I was almost ten minutes early and, lo and behold, I saw the Baker van already waiting in the parking lot. Kelly jumped out before I had the van turned off and loaded up her bag. After picking up some Subway for dinner, we were off to the Docter household to rescue, I mean, pick up, Jen. We were early and, surprise surprise, she was waiting at the door with her bags. I guess when Mommy needs a getaway, she needs it badly. =)
We checked in to our hotel and then walked over (in the rain) to the DeVos center to pick up our conference bags complete with Saturday Workshops schedule, a travel pack of Kleenex and chocolate. After comparing our schedules and cheering over receiving the workshops we had hoped for, Jen bid us an adieu to head back to the hotel to get ready for a wedding reception she was attending with her husband, which was, thankfully at The B.O.B., right down the street from our hotel.
After sitting through a small concert by the children's group Go Fish, we left soon after the comedian started. OK, now I attended this conference three years ago in Lansing and Sara Groves was the featured artist. She's not only incredible, but she's a mom! Her songs and stories could connect with each of us sitting in the audience. I understand that Go Fish doesn't use marketing or advertising, but through word-of-mouth (by moms mostly) and it makes sense why they would then be there. And they were quite good; I think that my kids would love the music...but do I really want to be singing children's songs on my night AWAY from my kids? No. The concert was followed by a comedian who we didn't really find that funny, so we decided to just leave early. I mean, it was 8:00 by that point and we felt close to bedtime. Actually, we didn't really want to walk back to the hotel in the cold, dark rain any later than that.
Before leaving we decided to wander on over to the resources tables to check out some of the books. Ever since hearing Julie Barnhill on Focus on the Family recently talking about her book, "She's Gonna Blow!", I have been waiting to pick it up at the conference and praying I would get her session (I did, along with 350 other women who apparently struggle with feeling like an angry mom.) I found her section of the table and Kelly found her favorite speaker's section right next to it. The woman behind Julie's books told me to let her know if I had any questions regarding the books. I told her I found what I was looking for and handed it to her so I could purchase it.
She laughed at my quickness and asked me if I was going to go back to my hotel and read it all night. I laughed with her while fishing out my payment. I looked at the other books while she rang it up and then, instead of giving the book back to me, took out a pen.
"What's your name?" she asked.
I told her and looked up at her face, then down at the book in front of me I had been looking at, then back up at her.
"Oh my goodness, you're her!" I exclaimed.
We ended up talking for a few minutes while I told her about how I had literally sat on my couch and sobbed during her interview with Dr. Dobson and how I felt like someone had put words to the emotions inside me that worried me so.
After thanking her again, I strolled a couple feet over to where Kelly stood talking to the woman behind the next section. She looked up at me, "Annie, this is Juli Slattery, who I told you about." I laughed and, gesturing to the woman who had followed me over to the discussion, said, "And this is Julie Barnhill!" The four of us talked for a few more minutes and then Kelly and I headed back to the hotel.
As Kelly and I floated on air, we talked about how we felt like we were meeting big celebrities because these are speakers we hear on Moody Bible Radio's programs all the time. (Side note: I would highly recommend going to Focus on the Family's website and listening to both Julie Barnhill's broadcast, which was Sept. 8 and 9, as well as Juli Slattery's, which was within the last couple weeks. They were so good and Dr. Slattery's was actually rated the top broadcast of 2009 for Focus on the Family.)
Anyways, I felt we handled ourselves quite well in meeting our "celebrities." Then the next day came and I'm pretty sure I cancelled out my gracefulness.
Between the lunch break and my second workshop (which was by Dr. Slattery) I was walking through a doorway to get to the next meeting room. It was at that point that I looked up and saw the main session speaker, Dr. Kevin Leman, walking past me. It was at that point I tripped over myself while staring and felt like a total moron.
I have admired Dr. Leman for years. When Tim and I were first married, my mom gave us the book, "Sheet Music" to read through. I laughed through most of it because he is so funny. Then I read "First Time Mom" while expecting Noah and "Making Children Mind Without Losing Your's" when we entered the toddler years. Noah has his children's book, "My Firstborn, There's No One Like You."
I decided, after finishing my lunch, to go to his section of the table and check out the books. I really didn't think he would actually be there, but he was! After purchasing a couple books for the kids, he signed one of them. Now, with Julie Barnhill, I had no trouble talking to her. With Dr. Leman, I ended up saying, "Hi" as I handed him the book.
Tell him how much Tim enjoys the fact I read "Sheet Music" I thought. No. That's weird.
He's the king of knowledge regarding birth order. Ask him what in the world to do with Ellie. No, I can't take up that much of his time.
How about any of the other books? No words came to my head.
"Who do you want me to make this out to?" he asked. I looked at what book I handed him, which was "My Youngest, There's No One Like You."
"Well, I'm not sure," I answered. Then I realized I sounded even more like an idiot. "I mean, we don't know what the gender is yet. We weren't actually planning on having any more kids. This is our little surprise." Great, genius, way to say too much.
He laughed and said, "Oh, I have three of those."
I laughed a little too hard in response, I think.
He handed the book back and said, "Good luck."
"Thanks," I mumbled and turned away. He probably thinks I need a visit to a psychologist for myself.
Anyways, overall the conference was fantastic. I sat through four really good workshops and, best of all, had an incredible time with my girls. It took me a good two days of early bedtimes and napping to catch up on my four hours of bad sleep from Friday night, but I don't regret it. We can't wait until next year, although we decided that from now on - two nights away are going to be the requirement.

In My Head

2009-09-22T14:04:00.005-04:00

The songs and thoughts going through my head presented to you by the videos they are represented by:

Since Tim purchased their CD when it came out months ago, this is the song that gets me each time. I just love the line, "I give You all of me for all You are, take me apart, take me apart."

And this verse is rattling around in there, too:
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." -Psalm 118:8

I watched this documentary yesterday and then again last night when Tim said he wanted to watch it with me. This is the trailer for it:

It was really interesting. A lot of the information I had read about when I was pregnant with Ellie and researching natural, pain-free childbirth (which obviously didn't happen with her.) I'm not saying an epidural or delivering in a hospital is right or wrong, I just thought it was so intriguing to see how much childbirth has changed in the last 100 years.
I should get on here and write a "real" post some day, but today is not that day.

Life

2009-09-14T14:47:00.003-04:00

I sent Noah off to his first day of 4-year old preschool today. When the teacher opened the classroom door (we wait in the hallway until it's time) he ran in without a hug or kiss, a good-bye, or even a look back at me and Ellie. What a difference a year makes. There are a few kids from his class last year in it again and one of the teachers is the same - it happens to be his "favorite teacher" so that's nice. Our morning had a horrendous start with one thing after another going on, but we survived and even got to school early somehow. I guess it helps that it's only two minutes from our house.

Over Labor Day weekend, Tim and Noah tried camping out in the tent in the backyard one night. They went out around 9:00 that night and at 10:45 I was woken up when I heard Tim bringing Noah back into his bedroom and then he climbed in bed next to me. Apparently our backyard is not the place for a 4-year old to camp out. There were a lot of lights he was asking about, a lot of noises, the bullfrogs and crickets were insanely loud that weekend and in less than two hours, Noah was in the house twice to use the bathroom. We'll try again next year - maybe at a real campground.

My first prenatal appointment went well. We got to hear and see the heartbeat, which was in the 150s. We really liked the midwife we're going with this time and are excited for our experience. In some ways I'm hoping this time kind of redeems the labor and delivery and postpartum I had with Ellie.

Noah has been having, for quite some time now, frequent nosebleeds. They happen at random times - when he's playing, sleeping, walking, etc. We had to take him in for blood draws last week - NOT a fun experience. It was the only time I have ever cried taking one of my children in to an appointment (well, besides Ellie's tubes surgery.) They were testing him for bleeding disorders. The pediatrician called today to say all the results came back great - yea! - but now we have to see the ENT specialist to find out what's going on with his nose.

Other little things in our life - Tim's brother and his family have moved back to the area after another hurtful experience by a church. Although we're heartbroken they had to experience what they did, it's nice to have family near us again.

STATS, the high school abstinence program I help with, is back in full swing again. I should be finding out in a few days what students I have on my team. I'm looking forward to meeting the new ones this Sunday and hopefully seeing some familiar faces.

We have a wedding to attend this weekend. We're excited for our friends and it should be a great time. We'll be able to visit with some people we haven't seen in awhile.

In less than three weeks, I'll be meeting up with my college friends, Jen and Kelly, to attend the Hearts at Home conference. We're having a Moms Night Away and I could not be more excited than I am right now...unless the conference director was to call us and say we won one of the drawings we signed up for. But even if we don't win, it won't detract from any of my excitement.

Tim and I are at a great place in our marriage. I'm not saying it can't be better - marriages always take work and can always find places of improvement - but I am saying that we're the closest we've ever been. Everything we've been through in the past couple months, and it's felt like a lot, has been for the good of our family as we've drawn closer to God, and as a result, to each other. Hurts, persecution, surprises and struggles are tiny blips in a bigger story. We praise Him for what He has done in our lives.

We are building connections at our church. Tim has been on a men's overnight camping trip and spent a morning playing paintball with some other guys from there. I'm looking forward to the ladies Bible Study that starts next week. I just wish we could memorize everyone else's names as quickly as they are able to remember our's.

Oh! I keep forgetting to mention the project! A few weeks ago now, I met with the director of the Lakeshore Pregnancy Center. I had a wonderful meeting with her and also got to meet the volunteer coordinator. I presented them with an idea I had, but stressed how I really was just wondering if they had a way of letting the moms know they are loved, cared for, supported, etc. I think too often in our Christian culture, we're very pressuring when it comes to not aborting, but then we don't walk with them through the rest of their pregnancy when they make a decision to keep their baby. God's timing is, of course, amazing. The director told me they had been trying to figure out how to develop a ministry for the moms when she got my initial email. We tossed around a couple ideas, prayed with each other and are going to keep in contact as the idea grows and forms. I told her that I would like to get through my first trimester since I've not been feeling the greatest before I throw myself into it and she said that was fine since they just moved into a new building and are still unpacking. Through the wonderful support, encouragement, and help from the girls in my small group - who want to be involved in any way they can - I think it's going to be awesome. I also have the support of our church who are eager to know how they can help as well, so I have a lot of people on board! I'm so excited to see how God is going to use us for these women.

So that's our life right now.

Great For Kids...And Adults!

2009-09-11T06:58:00.004-04:00

My sister-in-law posted a link for this on her Facebook page recently and I thought it was great.
They're called Seeds Family Worship and they have CDs that are Scripture set to music. The music is really good, really catchy, and even Tim and I enjoyed watching the videos and listening to them (you can listen to all the songs on their website.) Every time I woke up last night to use the bathroom or toss and turn, there seemed to be one of the songs in my head. At first I thought, "Oh, no. I hate when this happens with songs." Then I realized that for these songs - it's a good thing, since we're told to meditate on Scripture and to teach it to our children.
Here is one of their songs. It's Psalm 55:22: "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall."
*I'm not sure why the video picture is off, like it's too big for the screen. It's not like this on the website.*

The Stick...

2009-08-27T22:40:00.002-04:00

reads positive!
*ETA: early April 2010, somewhere in the first week.
*Our reaction: shell-shocked for a couple days and then excited. Now we can't picture our life without this little one.
*I am a little over 8 weeks along and wasn't planning on telling for another month but a friend who knew mentioned it on his facebook page and I figured I should tell before getting confused and curious questions from our mutual friends on my own page (darn those social networking sites!)
*No, I haven't been to the doctor yet. My first appointment is September 9th and I plan on using a mid-wife in the hospital.
*Yes, I have morning sickness. Haven't thrown up yet - thank you, God! - but sometimes I just wish I would so that the nausea would go away. The other thing I'm fighting against is exhaustion. Being pregnant and chasing two little ones is HARD! I'm looking forward to the start of preschool and the second trimester.
*Yes, the kids know. Ellie has no idea what we're talking about and Noah is extremely excited. He is already requesting a boy.
Please be in prayer with us as we tread through to my appointment. After experiencing a miscarriage of one birth, I feel like I hold my breath through the pregnancy. I let out a little bit at the first appointment when I hear the heartbeat and then a little more at the 20-week ultrasound. I can't fully breathe until the baby is delivered and in my arms. This is the first time since the miscarriage that we have announced it without first having extensive blood tests or ultrasounds done to be assured before twelve weeks is up. Tim is confident everything will be fine. It's nice to have a husband that is calm and sensible. =)

Never Heard It Put Like That

2009-08-24T14:38:00.002-04:00

Tim and I have been spending quite a bit of our spare time watching or listening to sermons, reading our Bibles, and talking about what God is showing us. We feel as if God is affirming certain things to us again and again and continually teaching us new things. It has been quite the learning experience.
Last week, while checking his brother's blog, we came across a video called The Ten Indictments. It's almost 2 hours long, but worth the time. We started it late the first night so we only watched about half of it and then finished it the next night. Randy also posted a link to the transcript and we talked about how we wouldn't mind reading through it with a hi-lighter or pen. It's a lot of information to wrap your head around, and some of it you might not like to hear, but all of it is in Biblical context and you can't really argue that.
Anyways, a ton of stuff stood out to us while watching that, but one of the things was when the speaker talked about Christ becoming our sin on the cross. The way he described it - I had never heard it before. I always believed that Jesus died for our sins on the cross but it was never really described to me that he became our sins.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says that "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
Yesterday in our Sunday School class we were finishing up a series on the Atonement. The teacher of the class, who is the associate pastor, asked how - in a time of stoicism, when people showed no emotion going to their deaths or punishment - Jesus showed anguish, even crying out while on the cross.
A couple different ideas poppped up. One woman said that Jesus was stoic while receiving the beatings and whippings, never once fighting back. A man spoke up and said what was on my mind and had been on my mind since watching the Ten Indictments video. Jesus, who is perfect, became sin on the cross. He was separated from his Father in that moment. Yes, there was physical pain going on, but it was probably the spiritual pain that was causing him anguish.
Paul Washer put it like this in the video:
So many people have this romantic, powerless view of the Gospel that the Christ is there hanging on the tree suffering under the wounds of the Roman empire and the Father did not have the moral fortitude to bear the suffering of his son so he turned away. No! He turned away because his Son became sin.
Think of how much sin affects you, how much pain it causes. Now picture God taking on all the sins of the world, becoming them, so that we may have the opportunity to have relationship with the Father and join Him in Heaven. It just kind of makes you stop and think.
As Tim and I were going to sleep last night he made the comment that he can't believe in all his life he has never heard any of this described in this way. I agreed. We both grew up going to church and have attended many different churches between the two of us as we have moved around geographically and grown up. Yet 28 years later, God reveals this to us and it shakes us to the core. It makes us appreciate so much more and fall deeper in love with God, wanting to know Him more and more.
How do you look at the cross?

Happy Birthday, Handsome Boy

2009-08-17T19:03:00.004-04:00

August 16th, 2005

August 16, 2006

August 16, 2007

August 16th, 2008

August 16th, 2009
This was the only non-completely blurry photo from your actual birthday so I wanted to also use one from the day before since it's clearer...

August 15th, 2009
...However, you're really into making silly faces right now so this is the best I can find. =)

Happy birthday, Noah (a day late but we had quite the busy and fun weekend!)

It has been a joy watching you grow and learn year by year. You are full of curiousity and you are all boy - dinosaurs, trucks, planes, trains, camping gear, nonstop movement and daredevil tricks that make my heart stop. You are a great big brother. As you start to navigate these 4 year-old waters that are as yet unchartered in our household, remember that Daddy and I love you and thank God for you every day. We are trying our hardest to raise you to know and love the Lord and we love listening to your little prayers that are so pure and honest.

Love you lots,

Mommy

In Regards To...

2009-08-09T12:26:00.002-04:00

I wrote a post last week titled "Hard Stuff" (don't bother looking for it.) In it, I described the thoughts that Tim and I are working through as we think about "church." I spent three days writing it and even had an outside source (not Tim) check it before posting it to tell me whether or not if was offensive because that was not what I wanted.
I deleted the post Saturday morning after receiving a phone call the day before. The caller told me my post was "arrogant", "hurtful" and was causing discord within the church. They also criticized me for claiming that my way is the only way. After talking about it with Tim we thought it best to remove the post since there were some people that were not taking it the right way. Until that point, I had had no idea since the comments that were left on it had been encouraging, supportive, and a few even said that they were working through the same thoughts.
It was certainly NOT my intent to be mean-spirited, hurtful or arrogant. And while I am sorry that it was taken that way, I told Tim that I can't apologize for the issues I brought up or wrote about. After all, this is my blog where I do the following things: write updates about our family, and bring up issues in my life I'm dealing with/working through/struggling with. I don't expect everyone to agree with me - when I write about my anti-abortion stance, I can think of one of my high school friends who doesn't agree with me and reads this blog. I have posted my thoughts on birth control pills, which I know many of you don't think the same about. I have wondered about fertility methods and whether we should try to control how many kids God gives us. I have talked about how much I love using cloth diapers and I'm sure that grosses some of you out. It doesn't mean that any of my thoughts or opinions are "the only way" to think on these or that I expect everyone to agree with me.
The things I wrote about with the church have been in my head for a loooong time. This is not something recent. Nor is that fact I wrote about them. I have wrote about music in the church before, wondering what is it that determines "worship" music, and also why in most modern churches today we don't sing hymns anymore? Does the music at a church determine whether or not I want to go there? Absolutely not. It's not a "make or break" issue for me. When I go to a church, do I feel my heart is becoming more prepared when it's quieter with a variety and I can hear the people around me? Yes. But until the church we've been attending the past month, I don't know if I've ever attended a church like that. For me, it comes down to the preaching. I like it from the Bible and about the Bible.
Tim and I don't even know if we are going to end up deciding to go to church within a building. These are things we're talking through and learning about. What did the New Testament church look like? We both come from a mindset that church is for a community of believers who are encouraging each other and equipping each other to go out and make disciples. We think that if Jesus was in flesh on earth today, His church would be smaller than the megachurches. I don't think it's quantity that matters, but quality.
Are those who consider themselves Christians actually following Jesus? His teachings are not always fun to hear. We may not want to agree with some of them, but we can't question Him either on why they are that way. I have to admit that just about 4 months ago is when I feel like I came to know Christ for the first time. I grew up in the church and knew right from wrong and good from bad and what to say, do, volunteer with, etc. It wasn't until I started taking Scripture to heart and realizing the seriousness of it that I felt I finally got it. It was when I realized that I needed to start living with an eternal perspective. Thankfully, Tim was experiencing a lot of similar things at the same time so we have been able to talk to each other a lot about all this.
My post before was not to criticize the church - especially any particular church - but to ask questions. The verse that caught mine and Tim's attention and woke up us was from Revelation 3:15-17:
I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.
We realized we were living as lukewarm Christians, although if God is going to spit the lukewarm out of His mouth, than can they even be considered Christians? We knew we needed to change our way of living and our perspective. So that's what we are doing. Yet we are concerned when we look around us and see so many people living the same way we were. This is why we desire challenge in the church, why we think that the people in the church should be courageous, to be constantly growing and learning more. It's not a "we hate the church" thing or "we hate your way of doing church." It's wanting to see churches kick the butts sitting in their seats into a deeper, growing relationship with Christ. If you are attending a church I wrote about before and you feel that church is helping you to do those things, then that is fantastic. I just know that those churches aren't doing that for Tim and I as we grow in our own personal studies and as we are challenged in our small group. I have talked to many people around me as well who are struggling with all the same things and wanting more. That is why Tim and I feel there is a type of shift, a revolution as Tim says, that is on the rise.
That's why we are desiring to live differently, to not follow a pastor or follow a church but to follow Christ. The only way we can know how to do that is by studying the Bible, His Word He left for us.
So I am sorry if anyone took my last post in a hurtful way or were offended by it since that was not the point. It was never intended to be harmful but I can see how when things are written and not vocalized, tones can be mistaken. I think part rests on the reader as well and where their thoughts are on the matter. If they disagree with me, I can see where they would think I am attacking when that is not the case.
I hope that, in whatever church you find yourself, you are being challenged, you are growing, you are desiring God, you are learning to live with an eternal perspective, and you are choosing to live differently. Most of all, I hope that you are following Jesus.

Spirit Jump

2009-08-05T14:39:00.004-04:00

I joined something called Spirit Jump awhile ago. It was started by a young woman who had a blog called "I Kicked Cancer's Ass." Popularity of her blog grew and people sought her out for encouragement as they battled cancer themselves. She eventually joined up with another young woman who was fighting cancer. They created Spirit Jump. "What is it," you ask? (Or maybe you don't, but let's just pretend you did.)
They send out emails with profiles for people fighting cancer who are in need of a "spirit jump," which is basically just some encouragement. You can reply back if you are interested and they will send you the address for whom you request from the email. You can request as many as you want, or you can let the email go on by and not reply at all. It is as simple as sending a card in the mail letting the person know that you are thinking of them or wishing them well. Some people who are creative make things to send to certain people and others may send gifts or have their children draw pictures to send. We have done both of just sending a card and also putting together little gift boxes to send.
I think this is a great way to teach kids the importance of selflessness, of being thankful for the things they have, of caring for others, etc. Noah loves when we do this. It is an easy way to teach some life lessons, as well as an opportunity to talk about some hard things (regarding people being sick, etc.)
If you are interested in joining Spirit Jump or finding out more about it, please click here. It's worth a few minutes of your time.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. -Galatians 6:9-10

What's round on the ends and "hi" in the middle?

2009-07-20T13:41:00.004-04:00

Ohio!
Hahaha. I can actually remember that from a Laffy Taffy wrapper in elementary school.
Anyway...my mother-in-law invited me to come down for a visit with the kids for a few days. She also encouraged me to bring along a friend, preferably childless, and so my friend, Mandy, joined us. Mandy is 6 months pregnant with her first baby and has had a heck of a year with work and whatnot.
We had a great time and I thought I would share some of the highlights/pictures from our fun trip.

Tim's parents live on a lake in Ohio. There is a small beach open to the residents of the community and on this beach there is a slide. The wetter you and the slide are, the faster you go. I wasn't sure how Noah would react to this, but he quickly climbed up it, prepared for takeoff, and...

...LOVED it! He went down it so many times. My mother-in-law and I both went down it a couple times as well.

Ellie played on the "sand" (which feels more like gravel) while Mandy supervised to make sure she didn't eat any "sand" or cigarette butts.

Noah steered the pontoon boat home from the beach while Grandma Joycie finished her lunch. You can tell he takes his job very seriously.

Ellie, on the other hand, had admitted defeat to the lifejacket she tried so hard to take off and was almost on her way to la-la-land.

My big project for the weekend was to make a quilt for Mandy's baby. She loves the quilt that my mother-in-law made for Noah when he was born and so I told her that, if she wanted, I would make her one for a gift. Thankfully, we picked up all the fabric before leaving and I brought my sewing maching and things down with us. As a team, we worked on the quilt anytime the kids were asleep. Joyce was the "cutter", I was the "sewer" and Mandy was the "ironer."Since the weather was, actually, the weather was crazy while we were down there, but we still braved the varying elements to work on the screened porch and enjoy what we could of the outside.

On Friday, the kids woke from their naps right as a thunderstorm was coming in. We snuggled up to watch it together on the porch.

The kids liked these little stirrers. They were plastic (yea! not breakable!) and had pink flamingoes on them.

Eleanor loved this little rocking chair. She thought she was the coolest thing. This was moments before the accident. "What accident?" you ask...

Just the one where she was sitting on a bottom step and, while trying to turn herself around to climb down it, lost her balance and hit the wall with her eye. Her first black eye and it looks much worse than what the picture shows. My poor baby...

Noah also was put in charge of steering the lawnmower (after the lawn was mowed and blade was NOT down anymore) with Papa.

Joyce showing Mandy how to press the binding into place. Mandy loves the way it turned out - yea! It was so fun to make and now I have a little more confidence for the next time I make one.

It's Simple, Really...

2009-07-06T13:56:00.003-04:00

While the kids and I were visiting my parents last week for a couple days, Tim checked some piddly things off his to-do list. Not that the things weren't important, just that they were quick and easy - the things you like crossing off your to-do list because it makes you look like you're working through it at an incredible pace. Can anyone else relate to that feeling?
One of the things he crossed off was hanging a clothesline for me. It's nothing fancy. Just a plain clothesline from Meijer that cost a couple bucks hung by some hooks from Home Depot that cost more or less the same amount. He strung it from the edge of our deck to a tree a few feet away. It's small but it's something.
Monday is a laundry day here. The hamper is usually overflowing from the weekend and now with summer here there tends to be more clothes changing due to bathing suits and dirty play-outside clothes separated from church clothes.
Today is sunny and there is a nice breeze so I was able to use my clothesline for the first time. The excitement! I hate doing laundry but I love hanging clothes on a line and watching them sway in the breeze. As I was hanging the first load this morning, I thought about how long it has been since I have worn clothes dried in the fresh air.
My mom still uses her clothesline that she has been using since we moved into the house when I was somewhere around the age of two or three. The lines themselves have probably been replaced, but it's basically the same. My make-shift clothesline is not as long, but that's ok - I also don't have ten acres of land.
Clotheslines are simple but they provide memories. They provide hiding places for small children behind bedsheets and towels that stretch to inches above the ground. They provide crisp clothes that at times can be uncomfortable, honestly.
A child can weave in and out of clothes flip-flapping in a warm breeze and be caught up in a dance within the swaying. Little girls love to twirl and what fun to have dance partners that twirl alongside and around her.
I can remember late summer afternoons and early evenings when a storm would suddenly be upon us. Someone would look outside and yell "The clothes!" and everyone would run out together, with one grabbing the basket on the way, and take down the clothes as quickly as possible before the rain drenched them.
I admit I have looked out our back window many times today and smiled at our clothes and towels dancing on the breeze. I don't need the noise of a television. Today I have sunshine, a breeze, clothes on a line, napping children, the sound of boats on surrounding lakes and bayous and a peaceful, content heart.
It's all very simple, really.

Vacation/Staycation

2009-06-24T14:09:00.002-04:00

We have been out of state the past few days. It was great. Thursday night we headed to Randy and Deidra's place, on the other side of Chicago. It felt like it took forever to get there because we missed a couple turns along the way. I thought for sure the kids would fall asleep in the car since we didn't even leave until almost 6:00...yeah, not so much. They were wired when we got there and then stayed up playing with their cousins until almost 10:30 their time (which is 11:30 our time since they're an hour behind.) It took awhile for Noah and Ellie to wind down and yet they were still up at 5:30 (Chicago time) the next morning! Not cool.
We went to the Jelly Belly Factory in Wisconsin on Friday. It rained/stormed most of the day so we found inside things to do. We were able to try lots of yummy samples after the tour and buy some huge bags of fruit snacks and jelly bellies for super cheap prices. Deidra bought a little bag of the "bean boozled" flavors so I was also able to try "baby wipes" later that night. Ick, although it tasted how I imagined it would. I also had toothpaste, but that just made me feel like I had just finished brushing my teeth.
The next day was sunny and hot. Deidra and I kicked off the morning with a trip to Old Navy to hit their $2 tank tops sale. We were also armed with 15% off coupons so I scored 5 tank tops (some for me and some for Ellie) for $8.50! And we were in need of some with how unexpectedly warm it was that day. Weather.com was wrong in their forecast for our time away so I felt fairly unprepared when we actually got there. We went to a playground/splash area near their house. It was fun, although Ellie wasn't really into it. She ended up falling asleep on a towel in some shade instead. The backs of my shoulders burned and finally started feeling better today.
That night we hired a baby-sitter and went out on a double date. We headed into Highland Park in hopes of hitting the Anthropologie store (which I've always wanted to visit) and were bummed to find out it closed about two minutes before we pulled into the parking lot. Oh, well, maybe next time. Instead, we drove on to find a Frank Lloyd Wright house and also found a second one we weren't expecting to find. We also drove by the house where they filmed the scene from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" with the nice car and how it falls through the windows, etc. We ended at Border's and had some free drinks thanks to some coupons Deidra had. I'm glad they included non-coffee drinks since I'm not a coffee drinker but the fruit smoothie type one I had was deeeelicious. We came back and watched a John Piper sermon (during which Tim fell asleep about 5 minutes into it) and then debated predestination/free will. Randy thinks we go to heaven based on predestination; I disagree. I will tell you this, though: Tim and I are not late night people. Randy and Deidra are. With the time difference added into it, it made it hard for Tim and I to function by the end. Here is my advice: Don't start theological discussions/debates late at night if you are not a late-night person. My brain felt like mush and I couldn't think straight.
We left after church the next day and headed to Indiana to visit our friends, Jack and Kelly. We got there around dinner time and it was great to see them. After cleaning up from dinner, we wives excused our husbands to go to a coffee shop Jack was wanting to show Tim and they were able to end their Father's Day away from the kiddos and have some time to catch up which also gave Kelly and I a chance to chat.
Kelly has been one of my closest friends since our freshman year of college and she is so dear to me. I think that when we are together, we are very raw and honest with each other and the struggles/high points we are going through in life. We can cry together, laugh together and relate to just about every thing - especially having sons close in age and daughters even closer in age.
We went to Monkey Joe's the next day which was a really fun place and the kids loved it. After nap time the weather was insanely hot and the only way anyone really wanted to go outside was if the sprinklers were on. After dinner Kelly, who is a helper in Vacation Bible School at her church this week, took Owen and Noah to the first night of VBS. They didn't get home until 9:00 and Noah was talking non-stop about it. I'm going to be calling a church in our area this week to see if he can attend their's. He has a preschool friend who is going to be there and the mom was asking if I would be willing to bring Noah, too. The only problem is that it starts at 4 years old so I have to see if Noah could slide in still (when it is going on, he will have less than a month until his 4th birthday.) Our church doesn't have VBS and, based on Monday night, I think he'll love it.
Kelly and I escaped Tuesday morning and went to the mall to walk around a bit and get some time away. We left after lunch and got home around dinner time last night. And that was our vacation.
Tim is off work until Monday, however, so today began our "staycation" in which we will be doing projects around the house (Tim is upstairs painting right now) and hitting the Spring Lake beach (which is where we went earlier and had a picnic lunch.) The water in Spring Lake is so much warmer than Lake Michigan. It felt wonderful earlier. Even Ellie loved being in it (finally!)
I hope everyone else is able to get some time to relax and play, whether at home or away (didn't mean to rhyme that one...)

!Musica!

2009-06-17T14:19:00.002-04:00

Music/artists we've been listening to lately:

The Avett Brothers - folk; my childhood friend, Rachel, introduced us to their music. This is one of our favorite songs. Tim said it reminds him of him and his brother.

Matisyahu - I remember seeing him on a news morning show back in college but it wasn't until a few years ago that Tim heard of him from our friend Matt and was instantly a big fan. Ever heard a Jewish reggae artist? Most of his songs have a Biblical/Old Testament base to them, lots about the qualities of GOd.

Sondre Lerche - The past couple times I have been to visit my friend, Rachel B., she has had the Dan in Real Life soundtrack playing. I found it for cheap when Circuit City was going out of business and snatched it up. Love it! The embedding is disabled on most of his videos so you can check out a couple of our non-soundtrack favorites by clicking here for "Phantom Punch" or here for "Two-Way Monologue."

Sufjan Stevens - I have had his CD, Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lakes State for a few years now but just broke it out and started listening to it again recently. His music is different so not everyone enjoys it but, hey, most music is like that. Though not under a Christian label, many of his songs have the Christian undertone. David Crowder remade his song "Oh, God, Where are You Now?" I love that on this CD all the songs are about Michigan towns (it's his homestate) and have titles like the video below "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti" or "Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! Rebuild, Restore, Reconsider."

Katie Herzig - I found her album Apple Tree on Derek Webb's free music download site Noise Trade. I think there is something about her voice that keeps us listening to it.

Fiction Family - I waited almost two years for this CD to come out, since I first heard rumor of Jon Foreman from Switchfoot and Sean Watkins from Nickel Creek teaming up. It delivered everything I hoped it would. I hope I don't have to wait two years for the next.

Tim has also been listening to the new Mat Kearney CD along with Tenth Avenue North and really likes both of those.
Anyone else have music sugestions?

Pictures & Updates!

2009-06-11T14:05:00.006-04:00

I realized that I haven't posted anything about our family in awhile, especially pictures! Here are some updates, starting with the youngest and working our way up.

*Eleanor is now almost 14 months old. She's still not walking which completely surprises us. Noah was running by this point. She wants to hold on to one of our fingers wherever she walks, but as soon as we try to slip it away, she stands for a moment and then drops herself to the ground in a controlled manner. She could totally walk on her own but she is stubborn. Her vocabulary is expanding. It seems like every day we're adding in a new word, although the untrained/non-parent ear probably couldn't understand any of them. A few are: mama, dada, hi, night (those are the most understandable) and then we have: "dah" -dog, "cuh" - cup, "deen" - drink, "deen-dee" - binky as the other most commonly used. She attempts just about every word we prompt her with. She also is doing animal sounds and we love when she does the elephant because she's just so darn cute with her hand raised in the air. She also likes to "rooooorm" Noah's toy cars and airplane around. She maintains a spit-fire diva attitude that we are learning how to parent. Any suggestions for this personality would be much appreciated!

*Noah is our steady constant. He just rolls through life with a flexibility that we are so thankful for. His first year of preschool is done (sniff, sniff) and he is missing it and his friends (and we still have 3 months to go before it starts again!) I found a bike for him at a garage sale about a month ago. It's a "big boy" bike with training wheels and he could spend all day on it. A couple nights ago we took a family bike ride after dinner and he went three miles! No complaints. I'm thinking he could tackle Mackinac Island...well, maybe not yet. He is not the type to want to sit down and color or draw, but he loves "find the hidden objects" pictures and I'm surprised with how good he is at them. My parents bought him a subscription to Highlights for Christmas and he thinks he is way cool when his very own magazine comes in the mail. He is still all about dinosaurs and things that move and music.

*Tim and I are having a fantastic year. We were talking the other night about how we feel like we'll be ending 2009 as different people than we started based on changes we've made in our lives. Besides the growth in our spiritual lives, we both have started exercising. For the past month we have had a consistent pattern down. I run 3 mornings a week before he leaves for work and then he runs 3 other mornings before he leaves and we take Sundays off, or leave them for family walks or bike rides. Tim told me, "I love that we work out together now...but not together." I said I completely understood and felt the same way. I have no desire to run next to him, actually, I don't think I could run fast enough to be next to him but I love that we have something similar that we are doing that we can talk about and discuss. Oddly, both of us exercising has been really good for our marriage. I have also been being cautious about how many calories I eat in a day and have been keeping a food journal. I know, it sounds kind of extreme, but oh, wow, I was shocked to see how much junk I was eating and how many calories I was consuming. I got online to find out how many calories I should be eating for my weight, height, age, etc. and try to stay within that amount now. I am already feeling much better, have more energy and sleep like a rock at night.

We planted our first real garden and are already seeing veggies and flowers popping up. Outside of the garden, in random places in the backyard, we planted pumpkins, melons, strawberry plants, and a few shoots of raspberries from my aunt. We were probably a bit ambitious with the many things we planted, but we're excited to see what comes up!

We have an upcoming trip to the Chicago area to visit Tim's brother Randy and his wife, Deidra, and their family. On our way home we'll be stopping to visit our college friends, Jack and Kelly and their kids. We're looking forward to some time with family and friends and getting away for a little bit.

Oh! Some very good news: my dad goes back to work on Monday. Praise God!

And that is our family in a nutshell update.

These are a couple pictures I finally transferred from my phone over to our computer. They're from February, when Ellie had her surgery to put tubes in her ears. Can you believe the little hospital gown?

This was our first dinner on the deck. The table was given to us by my parents after they bought a new one, but they didn't have the chairs for some reason. We just drag out the dining room chairs when we want to eat outside - no problem!

Tim removing the dead tree (we're really sad it was dead since in our minds it would have been pretty.)

To put our garden where it would get the most amount of sun it needed, we had to dig up a bush that was sitting there. Tim put it where the weeping cherry had been and it looks great now!

Tim's baby - I mean, garden.

Ellie wore her first real pigtails to church on Sunday. I know they pretty much look like two posts coming out of the sides of her head, but we're working with what we have here.

Boxes can be such fun. Noah takes driving his "car" quite seriously, while people need to watch out for Ellie on the road. Their "house" is in the background.

We went to the Muskegon Farmers Market last Saturday and then followed with a quick (and chilly!) trip to the playground at Pier Marquette. Noah kept saying, "The sun is closing my eyes!"

We have been baking a lot around here. Well, not so much Tim, but me and my "helper", Noah. Here is some dough for our Hearty Whole Wheat bread. It made 2 loaves and was delicious. There is something about kneading dough that is soothing for me.

And while Tim handles the reins of the garden project, mine is our bedroom. We haven't done a thing with it since we moved in a year ago and this summer I am slowly making changes (as time and finances allow) to make it a bit more of a bedroom for us. Here is the first "before."

And here is the first "after" - first as in this is the only thing I've done so far. I really wanted to lighten the room up for summer so I thought I would make my own duvet cover and pillow slipcovers to save money. While looking for different fabrics and topsheets to construct a duvet cover, I ended up finding a Tommy Hilfiger duvet cover for $1.99!! It's the perfect neutral color so I can change up accents often. I then found the fabric on a great sale at Field's Fabrics the same day and made up my slipcovers. So the bed has been re-done for a total of $11.00 and I have leftover fabric. My mom asked me during a phone call to describe the pattern of the pillows and I told her it was what you would find on the lanai of a retired Florida couple...but I LOVE it.

My Story

2009-06-09T13:17:00.004-04:00

I have been wanting to write about the changes in my life for a little while now, but haven't had enough time/energy to sit down and do it. Hopefully my kids will nap long enough to allow me to do it now. =)

When I was 5 years old, I became a Christian. I have a detailed memory of playing in our basement and suddenly dropping to my knees and telling Jesus that I believed in Him and wanted Him to come live in my heart. I believed God sat on the clouds and wrote my prayers down in a little notebook He had. Everyone had their own prayer notebook that He kept.

Growing up, I knew right from wrong, although that's not to say I always followed it. In high school I was called a hypocrite often. I didn't drink or smoke or do drugs, but I gossipped, judged others and had very physical relationships. Looking back, I can see how hypocritical I truly was. Don't you just want to kick yourself for things you did as a teenager sometimes? I do.

In college, my faith grew a bit because I wasn't in my home church and I was trying to "discover" God for myself. I was finding friends who were challenging me and helping me grow in life. They are so dear to me now as we have been with each other through life's turns and obstacles, always coming out stronger than when we went in.

I still knew right from wrong, and was actually following it a bit more, but I wouldn't say God was the center of my life even then. Through marriage and, especially the birth of my children, He started to pull me toward Him more.

Fear and anxiety are strong fighters, though, and they liked first place in me. I am, by genetics, a worrier. Anxiety attacks kept me from sleeping well. I could make up a horrible situatino for anything. I pictured cops showing up at my door to tell me Tim was dead. I thought of Noah falling down a flight of stairs and breaking his neck, or being kidnapped. I imagined Ellie dying of SIDS or being smothered by her big brother "hugging" her. I let these fears and pictures play over and again in my head and they ran my life and my body. If you have never had an anxiety attack, they feel a bit like a heart attack. Racing heart, pain through the left arm, shortness of breath. I actually went into Urgent Care when I had my first one. They put me on anti-depressants for a couple months (until I decided to stop them cold turkey - not wise.) Apparently anti-depressants are the only treatment for anxiety.

Tim sure is a trooper. He deserves an award.

Then this past December I heard a song from Sara Groves' Christmas album called "It's True." You can listen to it here. The chorus always gets me:

It's true
Kingdoms and crowns
The God who came down to find you
It's true
Angels on high
Sing through the night
Halleluah

I remember crying the first, well, almost every time I listen to it. I have always known that God cares for me but it really hit me at that moment. God cares for me. He loves me so much He came down to find me. When I can't even love myself, God still does. Does this thought blow anyone else's mind when they think about it?

Wow.

That's when I felt a stirring in my heart but didn't know exactly where it was going to go. I started reading my Bible more and we started in a small group working their way through the book of John. It was so refreshing to really dig into God's Word and discuss it with others. I started listening to pastor's programs on the radio, such as Truth for Life with Alistair Begg, Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, Walk in the Word and Revive our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
Then our friend, Matt Nash, gave us the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, who I'm sure you're tired of hearing about on my blog but too bad.

It's my blog. =)
I was hooked from the Preface on as Francis Chan challenges the readers. The second chapter is called "You Might Not Finish This Chapter." It helped to crush my fear and anxiety, leaving that first place in my life and heart open for the Lord. Chan gave Scripture after Scripture that dealt with worry and anxiety and fear. It's a sin. A serious one, too, because it takes our trust away from God. My friend, Rachel, pointed me to Philippians 4 a long time ago and called it "The Mental Health Chapter." So true. When I start to worry even a little, I immediately try to recall that passage. I don't know it word for word, but enough to remind me where my trust and hope needs to be.
I felt myself starting to change- and for the better!- as Tim will tell you. About a month ago we were talking about it and I told him that I feel as if I'm coming to know God for the first time. He told me it's not uncommon for many people to fall away through the years and have God call them back.
This change, however, is also what's been challenging the things I listen to, read and watch. The post a couple below was not to make anyone feel judged or guilty for what they may watch, but to just bring up a point that I've been convicted with. Tim and I joke about how much more conservative we've been feeling, along with our craving for expository preaching/teaching.
My old friend, Renee - not old in years but in that I've known her for years, since we were around the age of three I think - gave us a Third Day CD last summer after she and her husband stayed a night with us. On it is a song called "Born Again" and I'm going to leave you with the video that has the lyrics because the song sums up what I've been through in recent months.
Below that video is a song from Brandon Heath called "I'm Not Who I was" because, praise God!, I'm not the same girl I was 15, 10 or even 2 years ago.
If you have a blog I would encourage you to post your story, your "Salvation Story." I, for one, would love to read it! If you don't have a story but would like to start one with God as the author, please email me at tan.ross@yahoo.com. I would love for you to know the peace that the Lord has brought to my life.

Are You Captive?

2009-06-01T14:36:00.003-04:00

"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." - Colossians 2:8

Hmmm, right? Where am I going with this one?
Lately I have been thinking about entertainment. What I watch, what I listen to, what I read, etc. What goes into my mind and subconscious, whether I'm intentionally and intensely paying attention to it or even just having it on for "background noise?"
I'm sure to offend some of you with the following thoughts, but I am just trying to make you think here.
We don't have television, which I know I have mentioned on here before. We use our computer to watch movies as well as shows that are online. The amount of tv we have watched has gone down drastically because of this. Then, by choice, it has dwindled even more. We have wrestled with ourselves and each other as we wade through this process of deciding what is good for us to watch and what we should cut out.
Thankfully, "Scrubs" is now done because I don't think I could continue watching that in good conscience and we only have one more season of "Lost" left (and that doesn't even start again until January 2010!) We could drop "House" and not have it make a difference but I don't know if Tim can give up "Fringe." He likes the sci-fi X-Files-ishness to it (did that make sense?) I, on the other hand, usually read while he watches it because it tends to leave me with bad dreams at times.
That leaves "Wipeout" which is just a summer show. A funny one at that, although I think it was better last year. This season people know about the different events ("the big balls", "the sweeper", etc.) and they WANT to do it still to conquer it.
How about them movies?
We don't watch them much anymore and they have to come recommended by certain people for us to see them.
I guess I'm becoming more challenged to be aware of what I'm taking in. I don't want to just sit on the couch at night and "veg out" to a show that contains half-naked girls, people sleeping around, sex jokes, drugs, alcohol is fun and other ideas that leave me feeling like I wasted a half-hour or more of my time.
I also am not big on reality shows anymore. Oh, there was a time when I was...until just a couple years ago. But now I can't stand the thought of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" and how pathetic these people look by thinking they're going to find their true love on a television show. I hate that on "American Idol" the producers pass the untalented people on through to the judges so that they can make entertainment out of it. I hate thinking what that does to the people who actually think they have some talent and they've been encouraged! And we all sit at home thinking, "Wow, they really thought they were good?!" Well, who can blame them for getting their hopes up if they've been encouraged on to another round.
And this whole "Jon & Kate Plus 8" drama...goodnight! Tim and I watched a few episodes this past year for the first time. I couldn't believe the way Kate treats Jon with such disrespect and as if he was one of the kids. I know that some of it can seem worse due to editing but, if you were watching your own show and didn't agree with the way you were portrayed, wouldn't you say something? Or stop doing the show? Which, in my opinion, is what they need to do. Stop the show. Focus on your marriage then your kids. It's not a hard decision if your priorities are straight. After earning up to $75,000 an episode for a 40 episode season for how many seasons now?, it seems like you would have some money saved up to be able to quit and find a normal job. She's a nurse. They're always in need in the medical field. And he needs to step up and start being a man. OK, so that's my rage on them.
On to the serious stuff.
I heard this said on Focus on the Family a couple weeks ago when they were doing the movie reviews (May 22, 2009.)

"I believe our Lord and Savior is not anti-entertainment, but He is very much anti- those types of entertainment that glamorize the very things that He died on the cross to save us from."

Do you think God is pleased with what you're watching on tv? I know He couldn't be with some of the shows Tim and I have watched over the past few years. When I look back, I'm ashamed of some of the things we've wasted time viewing.

Oh, but Andrea, you're being so "righteous"...so "holier than thou"...you're taking the Bible so literally.

Really?
This is from an interview with Francis Chan at the end of his book Crazy Love (which you really must read if you haven't...or at least watch or listen to one of his sermons on this website.)

Q: What do you tell people who say that you are taking the Bible too literally?
A: If someone told me that I took the Bible too literally, I would really get them to question their own heart. I would ask them if they really believed that we're not supposed to take it that literally, or if it's the influence of other believers who say we're not supposed to. I like to get people to think for themselves and not just go with the flow. When believers are alone with the Word, they come to the same conclusion that I do.
-p. 185, Crazy Love

I don't think the church in today's culture is challenging believers to discern what is in media. Instead, they are trying to find ways to tie in popular culture to their sermons and series to make the church more appealing to non-believers. They might show clips from movies that someone will then be intrigued by and so they want to see the whole thing. This can lead to the viewing of a movie that could contain images and ideas that are not beneficial to a believer.
I have so many more thoughts in my head that I am still trying to form into words or complete thoughts so I'll just end here.
Think about it, though. Really think about it. When you say, "Oh, I'm so addicted to such-and-such tv show and I could never actually give that up" are you actually being held captive by it? Is it drawing you closer into relationship with Christ or farther from?
Thoughts?

The One My Heart Loves

2009-05-24T16:29:00.003-04:00

Today Tim and I are celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary. He is taking the kids on a walk right now to give me some down time before I start my last-minute cleaning dash (our small group is coming over for dinner and a bonfire.) I decided to watch the video from our wedding while I had the house to myself. It's not professionally done; my grandpa recorded it with his video camera but I am so thankful we have a copy of it.
As I was watching it there were some things I found myself thinking:
*I wish I hadn't worn a veil. I spent most of the time flipping my head to the side in order to get the veil off my shoulder without using my hands. I look like I have some kind of tic.
*I wish I had remembered to hold my flowers lower. There was amazing detail on the waist of my dress and I covered it with my bouquet almost the entire time - in pictures, too!
*I wish I hadn't been so vain as to have a teeny-tiny wart removed from the bottom of the ball of my foot earlier in the week. I limped down the aisle and everywhere else that day because the pain still hadn't left three days later. I guess that's what happens when they freeze/burn an area of your body.
*I wish I had remembered to put the roses we gave to our parents during the ceremony in the fridge the night before. Instead I forgot about them and their heads hung off the stems lifeless.
*I wish I hadn't made goofy faces at friends and family while our pastor was talking. I looked like an idiot.
*I wish I hadn't seemed so nervous standing in front of all the people we love.

And then I started thinking...
*I am so glad we asked my old youth pastor to perform the ceremony. He made it so personal since he knew me well and had interacted with Tim on a few occasions during the course of our dating and being engaged.
*I loved our music choices: my sister-in-law, Deidra, who has the voice of an angel, sang "Ave Maria" while the bridal party was walking up the aisle. I walked to "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini" in memory of my grandfather, my mom's dad, who had passed away a couple year's earlier. That was our first big family event since his passing and my family still was mourning him. During the lighting of the unity candle, Tim's brother (and Deidra's husband), Randy, played guitar and sang Caedmon's Call "Somewhere North" while his friend, John, played piano. The song is what Tim sang when he proposed and it's kind of what we think of as "our song."
*I loved my dress.
*I loved having the bridal party walk back out to Benny Goodman's "Sing Sing Sing."
*There are many other things I am glad we did but most of all...

I love who I was up there marrying - who I chose to spend my life with. There is not a morning I wake up and wish I had picked someone else. Sure, there are the rough moments in marriage where we don't feel like we love each other, but that's why I believe love is a choice. Feelings are unstable. Commitment should not be. I wish more people would take it seriously.
So, Tim, I love you. For better or worse. For richer or for poorer (and we've been about as poor as one can get.) In sickness and in health. Until we are parted by death.

"I found the one my heart loves." ~Song of Songs 3:4a

Honoring God?

2009-05-18T09:25:00.002-04:00

This post will mostly be for those of you who coupon and I would love to know your opinion so please leave a comment!
Our friends, Dave and Holly, were visiting Saturday night and Holly and I were talking about Targets, coupons, grocery shopping and all that good stuff. She asked me at one point if I was allowed to use more than one Target coupon for a specific item and buy multiple in one transaction. I just realized that sounds kind of confusing so let me give an example:

Last week I had 5 coupons for $1 off Hershey Bliss.
Target has Bliss candy bars for $.99.
I got 5 Bliss candy bars for free in one transaction.

She told me her cashier wouldn't let her do something like this. Later that night after they had left, out of curiosity, I looked at my Target coupons and realize that they say "Limit one offer per transaction." Immediately I felt guilty because (a) I really should have looked at the fine print awhile ago - I just tend to do what the website posts tell me to do to get the most from my money and (b) I'm cheating!
Is it inconvenient to have 5 or 6 separate transactions in a busy store with frustrated non-couponers behind you? Heck, yes! But if we are supposed to be glorifying God in everything we do, is it wrong of us to sneak around the rules as long as the cashiers don't care? I would say, yes, it is.
I know we want to save money. Times are tough! Coupons are great - especially when paired with sales and good deals. We have been able to cut our grocery bill quite a bit due to these strategies. However, when websites are telling me to print a copy out of a store's coupon policies so that, on any given trip, if a cashier gives me a hard time about stacking a manufacturer and store coupon I can whip it out and prove her wrong...shouldn't I be following the same rules? I mean, it might be fine print, but it is written on the coupon and it's my responsibility to pay attention to that. If I want to be a living example to my kids in all things...then it means the small things, too.
I'm going to be more careful about the way I'm using my coupons from now on but I was wondering...have you guys been doing separate transactions? Have you noticed the fine print? What are your thoughts?

Tasty Treat Tuesday Returns

2009-05-12T15:17:00.002-04:00

Because Daniella asked for this recipe and it really is a great one for both adults and kids, I'm posting the recipe for Strawberry Scones that I made for Ellie's birthday. For all you who don't like scones - my mother-in-law told me recently that she doesn't like them but she really liked these. They're not dry and crumbly like the usual.

Strawberry Scones

1 c. hulled and finely diced fresh strawberries (we used more than 1 c. and didn't finely dice, just chopped)
2 c. flour
1/3 c. sugar, plus a little for sprinkling
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
A lemon, for zest
6 Tbsp. cold, unsalted butter, cut into 1/4 inch pieces
1/2 c. plus 1 Tbsp. light cream
1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper, using a few spots of butter or cooking oil to stick it in place (we did not do thisl; I think we just sprayed the baking sheet lightly with non-stick spray.) Set the baking sheet aside.
2. Place diced (or chopped) strawberries on several sheets of paper towel to absorb their juice (did not do this either.) Meanwhile, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder and nutmeg in a large bowl. Zest half of the lemon into the ingredients, taking care to remove just the outermost skin and not the white pith.
3. Cut in the butter with two butter knives or a pastry blender until the flour-coated pieces are the size of peas. Add the strawberries, tossing them gently with a fork to coat them.
4. Make a well in the mixture. Blend the 1/2 c. of light cream and the vanilla extract in a measuring cup and pour them into the well. Using as few strokes as possible, gently stir the dough until it forms a ball. Let the dough sit for 1 minute.
5. Clean and flour your hands and dust your work surface with flour. Place the dough on the floured surface and knead it gently three or four times. Transfer it to the large baking sheet and pat it into an 8-inch circle. Using a lightly oiled pizza cutter or serrated knife, cut the dough into 8 wedges, as you would a pizza. Use a small spatula or pie server to carefully separate the pieces, leaving at least an inch between them.
6. Brush the tops of the scones with the remaining tablespoon of light cream, then sprinkle the surfaces with sugar. Bake the scones until the outsides are crusty and starting to brown, about 18 minutes. let them cool on the baking sheet for 2 minutes, then slide the parchment and the scones onto a wire rack to cool for another 20 minutes before serving.
*Taken from the June 2007 issue of Family Fun.*

Side note: You can easily make these up the day before an event and store them in an airtight container. They are still moist and delicious the following day (or even two.)

I ♥ Coupons!

2009-05-12T13:37:00.003-04:00

...and I just discovered how to make hearts while writing text! I might have just upped my coolness a notch which I need since I'm a coupon nerd.

$1.51, people, $1.51. I do have to send in a $10 rebate to Swiffer before I can techinically claim it as being $1.51...but I'm cool with that and so is Tim. It was done in multiple transactions to make the most of the $5 Target gift cards given as a result of buying 2 packs of Swiffers. I still have over $2 left on one of the gift cards.

Sniff, sniff

2009-05-11T13:43:00.003-04:00

This past week held an emotional moment for me...the series finale of Scrubs.
Tim and I jumped into the show a couple seasons in and we actually own the first three or four seasons on DVD. We have enjoyed Scrubs because it is just so funny most of the time. I think the earlier seasons were better - don't they all start off that way? Was it always clean? No - it's kind of hard to find that on TV now. That is one reason I'm kind of thankful it's done: it gives me one less thing to watch. We don't even own a TV but still find ourselves watching a few shows online. With Scrubs out now we're just down to Lost, House, and Fringe (which I read while Tim watches because it freaks me out most of the time and then I have nightmares.) Although I did see that Wipeout is starting again in a couple weeks and I know we'll be watching that, but it's just a summer show.
Anyways, so watching the last episode of Scrubs was much like watching the finale of Friends for me. It was a bit more intense because I was not actually aware until that morning that it was the series finale not season finale, although it seemed throughout the season that it was coming to it (The Janitor getting married, Ted finding a girlfriend, Dr. Cox and his wife learning to be more open with their emotions with each other, etc.) I am glad it ended the way it did - JD and Elliott together, you learn The Janitor's name (kind of), JD gets his affirmation and hug from Dr. Cox and Laverne made an appearance! If you don't watch Scrubs you have no idea what I'm talking about, but just know I'm very content right now. =)
This is the last few minutes of the finale...when I started to tear up. I just love this song by Peter Gabriel ("Book of Love") and I thought it was a perfect ending.

I also love that the janitor who tells JD "goodnight" is the series creator, what a creative way to end a long run.

Tough Question #2

2009-05-06T09:07:00.002-04:00

Lacey brought up a question that I have to admit I hate thinking about:

On the flip side of this discussion (from yesterday - see below)...Is it okay to STOP having babies? Most people today, including many Christians, don't think twice about taking birth control or getting a vasectomy/tubal ligation. Essentially, we're talking about trusting God to provide the right number of kids for our families, right? Whether you're having fertility problems and are dying to conceive, or if you're very fertile and want to say enough is enough. (Like four kids in four years - HA!) I don't have a firm opinion about this, but I've been praying for God to give my husband a strong conviction about it.

Like I said, I hate thinking about this one because I'm scared of what the answer might be! For me, especially on mornings like yesterday, two is more than enough.
I have mentioned on here before that Tim and I don't use birth control pills for various reasons. However, we still take other steps of prevention (although I think the only way you can truly prevent is by absintence. I think some women have gotten pregnant while on all other forms of "contraceptives.") Tim does not want to have any more children. On days when my kids are being great and all is good in the house, I play with the idea of one more but it is always shot down. In my eyes, since we can't agree on it, it's not a go. We also have said we only want two biological children and down the road, if God opens the doors, we do want to add more to our family through adoption.
Our culture has changed so much that I think people from Biblical times and even "the old days" would be astounded to find us even having this discussion. Children were wanted to carry on the family line and the more the better.
Psalm 127:3-5
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."
About a month ago I read a book by the Duggar family. It was called something along the lines of 20 and Counting. They do not use any form of birth control. They believe that every child God gives them has a purpose and God is not going to give them more than they can handle.
Wow, Lacey, if I cracked open the can of worms, you managed to tear the top right off. I'm sure people will have all sorts of thoughts on this one.
My opinion is...I don't know. I'm not trying to avoid giving one; I just really haven't let myself think about or study it enough to come to a conclusion. I think Tim and I would have to hold many a long discussion on it as well.
I also just want to add this - there are probably people who read these questions and think "Well, who cares? It's not like these things determine whether or not we go to heaven so why waste time on them?" I do believe that the only way we are able to enter Heaven is through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
John 3:14-17 tell us: "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
Later in John 5:24, Jesus goes on to say, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
And then in Acts 4:12: "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." (emphasis added to verses)
I then believe that once you are in a genuine relationship with Christ, you have a desire to grow and to live according to what the Bible says. This is why Bible Study is important and why it is important for us to be asking questions and be in discussion with each other. Does my opinion on birth control determine whether or not I get into Heaven? NO! But if I want to be growing in the Word, I need people to be pointing out things to me and challenging me to think outside of myself and within the Word of God. I hope that makes sense.
Tim and I have been talking about a lot of things lately, a lot of changes we feel in our lives, but I'll save that for another post as it doesn't involve birth control.
Maybe since April was a break month for me, we'll make May a Tough Question month. And the comment section is now...open.

Controversial Thought

2009-05-05T10:22:00.003-04:00

I don't know why, but the other night as I was falling asleep I was struck with a thought.

I wonder how God feels about In-Vitro Fertilization and other fertility help methods.

I asked Tim, who was half asleep and only gave me a mumbled "I don't know. Ask me when I'm awake" answer. Then he perked up a bit and asked what brought that on. I told him I wasn't sure but I started thinking about Abraham and Sarah (who were Abram and Sarai at the time in Genesis 16.) Sarai had been unable to bear children and so she took matters into her own hands by having Abram sleep with her maidservant. This led to all sorts of issues. Later, Sarah ends up giving birth to Isaac in her early nineties (can you imagine! Although I guess people did live longer than we currently do, but still.)
In James 1:27 we are told, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (emphasis added)
If a woman is having a difficult time becoming pregnant in the traditional sense (intercourse) and God tells us to care for orphans, is IVF wrong? Why do we become so desperate for the things we want that we will take matters into our own hands and play God?
I don't want to offend anyone because I don't know what it is like to have trouble conceiving and I can't imagine that pain. I guess having watched our friends, Matt and Jeana, go through the adoption process and over the past year ease and transition into a family of three after bringing Emma home from China...I have seen firsthand that it is possible to love a child not from your own body as if they were. Matt and Jeana's love for Emma is no different than mine and Tim's love for Noah and Eleanor.
I am not here to say if it is right or wrong. Because I don't know for sure - I'm not God so I can't say what He thinks when it is not in the Bible. These were just more of those thoughts hanging out in my head that made me stop to think. I know they can open a whole can of worms that lead to all sorts of other questions as well, and if you have any, I would love to hear them. Our small group likes to debate and discuss these kind of tough questions and we're not always all on the same page with our beliefs on them either.
Thoughts?

Early Anniversary Celebration

2009-05-04T14:41:00.006-04:00

Gotta love the windblown look! And I just realized Tim's eyes are closed! Oh well...

Tim and I will celebrate our 6th anniversary on May 24th. My parents wanted to watch the kids for us overnight so we could get away to celebrate and, after coordinating schedules, landed on this past weekend as the best time to do it. We arrived at my parents' house Friday night and Saturday morning at 8:30 Tim and I were on the road to Birch Run (can you tell we were anxious to get away - 8:30 is fairly early for us to be showered, fed and ready to go on a Saturday morning!)

I know that there are some women who do not like shopping with their husbands. I love it. Tim loves it, too. Well, we like it when we don't have our kids with us. I value his opinion because it's always honest and I want him to like the clothes I wear. I also like that he wants my opinion on what he picks out. So we shopped until we dropped (almost literally) at the Birch Run outlets and did we pick a great day to go! We had a list of things we were looking for and had set aside some tax refund money. I don't have many clothes. It sounds like an exaggeration, but it's not. There are clothes I keep around because "maybe I'll fit into them someday" but Tim is finally convincing me to cut them loose. After all, since having kids, the hips are a bit wider and there are some love handles that are refusing to leave despite my exercising. Even if I could put them on all the way, they probably wouldn't fit the same anymore. I'm also not used to buying clothes for myself. I look and admire all the time, but clothes for the kids always comes first. Tim had other ideas this weekend and I felt like a queen with my new tops, swimsuit and sunhat. I really wanted to find some more classic style tops, too, not trendy so that I can wear them for years to come (hopefully.) We found some pants, jeans, shorts and shirts for Tim, winter pajamas for the kids (for next year), sheets for our bed, bathrobes, and a pair of shoes for me. We tallied everything up last night and found out we had bought $880 worth of items for less than $300. Our favorite deals were:
*2 brown cozy bathrobes from Restoration Hardware - each retailed for $79 and we got them for 90% off - making them $7.90 each. We have been looking for bathrobes since our bathroom is downstairs and our bedroom is upstairs and you have to walk by windows to get from one to the other. I don't like getting dressed in the bathroom when it's all steamy and sticky so I have been running through the house in my towel while praying no one is walking by.
*Bedsheets from Pottery Barn - retail $119 and we got them for $34. They are the high thread count, which we've never been able to afford, and I can't wait to sleep on them tonight after they're washed.
*Banana Republic - We spent $60 and saved over $200. Tim got 2 sweaters and a long sleeve shirt and I got 3 tops.

We took a break halfway through and had lunch at a place called Exit Restaurant. It reminded us of a truck stop where the food is good and greasy and they serve breakfast stuff all day. Yum. I love placemats with word scrambles.

After Birch Run we headed over to Frankenmuth. We had dinner reservations at the Bavarian Inn for 6:00 so that we could have time to walk around and explore first but we were so exhausted from walking all morning and afternoon that we only made it to a few stores. We then stopped in to the restaurant and asked if we could just eat early which worked out great! It was a delicious meal and huge! We took our leftovers back to the hotel and put it in their fridge. On the way home yesterday we realized we forgot to get them back out and take them home. Bummer.
In the Edelweiss dining room at the Bavarian Inn. That Bavarian Inn is quite the experience!

We stayed at a hotel in Saginaw and it had an indoor pool and outdoor pool that were connected. The pool was also heated. Tim and I swam for a long time outside which was a lot of fun. I can't say I've done that in the beginning of May in Michigan before!

Yesterday (Sunday) we drove down to the Trader Joe's in Farmington. We have wanted to go a Trader Joe's since first hearing about it from Matt and Jeana, who lived in California for a time (they're all over out there.) Jeana describes it as "the poor man's organic store" and I have been intrigued. I have also enjoyed just about everything that we've tried that friends have served us from the store. We loaded up on groceries for the entire month! Lots of meats and snacks and the best part is that everything is natural or organic. No preservatives or any of that junk. Some prices were comparable to Meijer, some cheaper, some more expensive. I realized that it definitely costs more than just my average shopping trip to Target and Meijer where I can coupon my way through BUT it's much cheaper than shopping at Whole Foods Market or Harvest Health or buying even organic items at Meijer. So I guess it balances out depending on what you're looking for.

Whew, that's a long post. We had a fantastic time together and are so thankful for the opportunity to get away just the two of us. We haven't done that in over a year. We have had two different times away from the kids since Ellie was born, but one was a weekend that we spent with friends and the other was for a wedding and so we were surrounded by family and wedding stuff all weekend. This was great for us to do to reconnect and enjoy just each other.

And the Picture Posts Continue...

2009-05-04T14:20:00.003-04:00

Finger "painting" with chocolate pudding...messy but at least they can eat it.

Noah loved this kind of art project.

Caught in the act. What is it about an empty dishwasher that

says "Hey, climb on up?"

Noah and my dad playing in the hotel pool
over Elile's party/Easter weekend.

Noah introducing Ellie to pool water. She wasn't

crazy about it at first but was enjoying it towards the end.

This little guy also goes by the name Noah (although we call him "Baby Noah"

around here) and is the firstborn of our friends, Justin and Carrie. He was born in

early April. Our friends, Josh and Sara, also had a baby boy just about a week

prior and named him Jacob. I love getting a baby fix from these guys!

When I get home from grocery shopping, Tim and I play a game where I make

him guess how much I spent, saved, and how much I paid for certain items. Because I went

during the day last week, I took pictures so that he could still appreciate couponing. This was from Target. Any guesses? I spent $10.30 and saved $28.69!

After our Target trip, the kids and I headed over to Meijer. Can I just first of all say that
my kids are awesome when they go grocery shopping with me. I have heard other moms
talk about how difficult it is for them to go with their kids so I am super thankful mine enjoy it!
OK, so last week at Meijer, you got 2 free movie tickets when you bought 10 Kelloggs items (including Sunshine and Keebler) so when I add in the savings of free movie tickets (which, for an evening show would cost a total of $17), I spent $21.51 and saved $32.46. My goal this year is to save more than spent on my trips. Some weeks are better than others.

I bought a sunhat over the weekend and found it crawling through the kitchen this morning.

Easter

2009-05-04T09:37:00.003-04:00

We celebrated Easter with my parents this year. They came to church with us and afterwards we came home to have an Easter egg hunt for the kids (mostly Noah, although Tim was pretty giddy about hiding them) and then had the typical ham lunch. Our ham was gigantic because we didn't buy it until Saturday night so they were mostly picked over (but it was on an awesome sale!) and our freezer is still stocked with leftovers.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on Easter this year. I think it is interesting that so often, in our Christian culture even, we breeze right through Easter. Christmas is surrounded with carols, hymns, Christmas CDs, and steeped in tradition. Easter is the holiday that holds our beliefs where they are and we seem to acknowledge it more with a nod and a big lunch than anything else. If Christ hadn't died for us on that cross, we would still be following the traditions and sacrifices from the Old Testament. It is awesome to think about His love for us.

Eleanor loves getting dressed up. She looked beautiful...even after she found a black dry erase marker that she used on the front of her white dress.

Ellie enjoyed chewing on her bath toys that were in the Easter basket.

Noah loved finding Easter eggs as much as Tim enjoyed hiding them. The "shaky eggs" held M&Ms for him. The "quiet eggs" were empty and for Ellie's playing enjoyment. During his prayer before lunch he said, "Thank you for M&Ms in my eggs and for no M&Ms in Ellie's eggs." Ah, the honesty of a preschooler...

Ellie's first party and family visits

2009-05-04T09:25:00.003-04:00

We celebrated Ellie's first birthday a week early because we thought family would have an easier time visiting since it was a holiday weekend. Tim's parents came the Wednesday night beforehand and stayed until Saturday afternoon. My parents came the Friday night before and stayed until Easter afternoon. My sister and her family came just for the day on Saturday. It was a fun time. I went with a more adult menu because since she was only turning one I could get away with it. I was so thankful for the help of my mom and mother-in-law with preparation and cleaning.

We enjoyed our time with Grandma Joycie and Papa Ross.

I took the breakfast pizza (covered with berries) and an unpictured (it was still in the oven) dish of lemon basil eggs over focaccia from an episode of Everday Italian that I saw at my parents' house a couple years ago. We had cupcakes instead of cake. There were strawberry scones that were delicious! They were a "kid friendly" recipe I found in a Family Fun magazine - they were very moist, unlike the typical scone. We also had fruit salad and yummy punch!Ellie loved her first taste of a sweet treat. Cupcakes are a hit! She enjoyed them so much...

...that she wanted Daddy's when she was done with her own!

I'm Back!

2009-05-04T09:19:00.002-04:00

After a restful month off blogging, I'm back with the first of many posts. April felt like a long month and the first few days of May have already been event-filled so there are lots of pictures and stories to share. I'll break it up into separate blogs so they're easier to read, but first I just wanted to ask for prayer for my dad. He is a Chrysler employee and, while at their house Friday night, he got an automated/recorded phone call announcing his being laid off. After numerous calls to fellow employees, bosses and union leaders (he had been told that morning that they were going to be working through the bankruptcy process so there was a bit of confusion going on) he finally heard back. He doesn't work for a production plant - he works in the future vehicle process so they're already working on the 2011 prototypes and whatnot - but they can't buy the supplies they need while they're in bankruptcy. His boss and union guy are expecting to only be for a week or two...but we'll see. 23 years with a company just goes to show that nothing is ever stable.
Please keep him and my mom in prayer as they wait out this interesting time.

My Eleanor

2009-04-20T08:26:00.005-04:00

Dear Eleanor~

I cannot believe you were born a year ago yesterday. I wanted to write this yesterday but the day didn't allow for extra time to do so. At the moment you and Noah have finished your breakfast and are playing.

I'll be honest with you, Ellie, we had such a rough start, you and I. That spinal headache from the epidural literally had me flat on my back for that first week and there was so little I could do for you beside nursing. Then when I was up and around again it was so much harder than I thought it would be to adjust to having two children. On top of that, you turned out to have the same dairy allergy that Noah did and you also reacted negatively to soy. I couldn't nurse you past three weeks, and although I knew it was the best thing for both of us to transfer you to formula, it still was a difficult transition for me.

When you were just two and a half months old, we moved to our house. I feel like there were so many things happening to and around us in your first few months of life that I just couldn't connect with you. I'm sure it will hurt to hear, but most of the time you were just a baby to me...not really mine yet. I struggled with hating myself for not being able to feel that deep attachment to you and wondered what was wrong with me as a mother.

At some point in the past couple months, something changed. It was gradual but it happened. I realized that your cheeks were extremely kissable and I couldn't get enough of them. When your big blue eyes gazed into mine, I melted. You found a spot between my neck and shoulder that you would nuzzle into to snuggle with me and I would feel so content.

You are so fun to watch. Your mouth breaks into a big grin and you resemble a muppet at times, which is great because I have always loved the Muppets. Your laugh is adorable. You wiggle back and forth to dance. You just started saying "hi" and you do it in such a precious voice.

Your daddy has been wrapped around your finger for some time now. He acknowledges it. You are truly a "daddy's girl." When you hear the door open as he is getting home from work and his voice calls out "Hello!" you bounce up and down and then crawl as fast as you can to the door. He loves to hold you and snuggle you.

Noah thinks you're great fun, although a bit of a frustration at times. That can only be expected since he is the older brother. He enjoys making you laugh, even though you two are showing to be a troublesome team at times. If the things you two are doing together now are any indication for the future...your dad and I need to start preparing ourselves now. You hold your own with Noah and are not showing to be a pushover, even though technically you are pushed over by him quite a bit.

As for me...I just love everything about you. From your nosey-don't-want-to-miss-a-moment personality to your already nurturing side (you knew right away what to do with the baby doll Justin and Carrie just bought you) to your big-booty-in-cloth-diapers bottom, you have me captivated. I love wondering what you're going to do next as I watch in amazement at how much and how quickly you have grown in the past year. God knew what we needed by giving you to us for this time on earth.

It is not easy being a stay-at-home mom. There are days when I feel like the worst mother ever because I am so drained and exhausted. You and Noah are worth it, though. I can't think what it would be like to miss these everyday moments with you.

I love you, Eleanor.

Love,

Mom

Break

2009-03-29T14:35:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in the past week. No crafts or books or anything. I know that there are many people who don't blog in forever and they never give an explanation why...they don't need to - it's their life! I really wanted to give a warning though: I'm planning on not blogging for the month of April.
I started March by blogging every weekday and sometimes on the weekends. I was the featured blogger for two blogging communities, SITS and the Blog Guild within one week. I exhausted myself with blogging. It has been a busy March!
April is around the corner and there is a lot going on. Easter at our house, Ellie's first birthday party, Ellie's first birthday, a trip to Chicago to celebrate one niece's birthday and the other's dedication. Family will be visiting at times and we will go a-visiting at other times. Fun times ahead accompanied by lots of planning.
Amidst all this, I feel a hunger for growing. Instead of blogging during naptime I would rather be reading a book or listening to Moody Bible Radio broadcasts or watching a Francis Chan sermon. I have broadcasts bookmarked in my favorites from Midday Connection that I can't wait to sit down and listen to. I try to read my Bible in the morning but there are times I don't get to it before the kids are awake and so I want to make sure that during naptime I am digging into the Word. Our small group leader, Dan, was talking recently about how there is preaching and teaching. Preaching is for the non-believers, to lead them to Christ. Teaching is for the believer, to help them grow. Our church is great with preaching but lacks with the teaching. That's why Tim and I enjoy our small group so much - we are actually all hungering for more of God and teaching. We are studying the book of John and encouraging each other in our walks of faith. I need to be taught right now. I need my time in the Bible and I need the teaching from pastors and speakers I respect. I guess I'm feeling a bit Baptist at the moment and in need of a little hellfire and brimstone which is funny because I've always teased Tim about his strict upbringing.
Yet as I spend more time studying, I feel less fear about my future. I trust God more. I have hope and the peace that passes understanding. I know that "this world has nothing for me" as we sang this morning at church in the song "Rescue." I give more and more of me over to Him because I realize that nothing is in my control. I am a sinner...but I am saved by Grace.
It has been interesting to see during this tax season how little Tim made last year. We are well below the median American income. Yet we feel rich. Our bills are being paid, we have no debt, we don't spend time worrying about Tim's work in the future. We know that God will take care of us because He has shown us time and again that He does. We have looked at our wants to see they would be nice, sure, and fun, but not necessary. Our perspective has changed. What is important?
I have been reading the book of Jeremiah. A couple weeks ago I came across these verses (5-8) in chapter 17:

Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who depends on flesh for the strength

and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands;

he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

Where is your trust?

I am sure that over the next month I will jump on and catch up on people's blogs. After all, it is how I stay up to date on my nieces, through Deidra, or friends' pregnancies, which is at least three of you. =) I will also most likely put up a birthday post for Ellie just as I do Noah every year.

Until May...

Thimble Thursday

2009-03-19T17:01:00.003-04:00

Looking for a cheap (if you do it yourself) and fun way to decorate?

Try painting a mural!

This is in the kids' bedroom. Rachel helped me with it by painting her little trademark birds, which I happen to be so in love with.

Website Wednesday (belated)

2009-03-19T16:46:00.002-04:00

I know, I know...a day late again. Two kids down with colds although Noah is now denying being sick and he is actually starting to sound/look better. So these will again be short, sweet and to the point.
I love crafty websites and it's hard for me to narrow down ones to suggest so if you like them, too, then make sure to check out the links on the right side of the page under the Crafty Little Sites heading. Today's website is the first one I came across however, thanks to Rachel. It's HELLO, My Name is Heather.
Heather Bailey is kind of a Crafty Jill of all trades. She has so many projects and small businesses going on that it's amazing she has any sanity in her. She designs fabrics, has a children's hat business called Noggins, created a hair accessory called Trash Ties, and more.
And isn't this little girl skirt adorable? I'm so glad she has a link to a similar pattern because I want to make one for Ellie someday!
Enjoy!

Tasty Treat Tuesday

2009-03-17T12:45:00.002-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I love to make some kind of Irish dish on St. Patrick's Day each year as a tiny way to honor my Irish heritage. Last year I made a yummy apple dessert but, sadly, can't find the recipe this year. This afternoon I'm going to make Irish Soda Bread. I found a recipe from allrecipes.com and, although this is my first Tasty Treat Tuesday that I've never tried beforehand, I still wanted to put it on here it because I'll be making it today and it's a holiday.

Amazingly Easy Irish Soda Bread

4 c. flour
4 Tbsp. white sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. margarine, softened
1 c. buttermilk
1 egg
1/4 c. butter, melted
1/4 c. buttermilk

*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease a large baking sheet.
*In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt and margarine. Stir in 1 cup of buttermilk and egg. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead slightly. Form dough into a round and place on prepared baking sheet.
In a small bowl, combine melted butter with 1/4 cup buttermilk; brush load with this mixture. Use a sharp knife to cut an "x" into top of loaf.
*Bake in preheated oven for 45-50 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean (which could be anywhere from 30-55 minutes.) Continue to brush with butter/buttermilk mixture while baking if desired.

Anybody else have any Irish recipes they like to try out?

Media Monday

2009-03-17T12:34:00.003-04:00

OK, here's the deal: I have a 3 year old with a cold and is complaining off and on about his tummy hurting. I have an 11 month old who is bouncing off the walls with energy and driving me nuts while I'm trying to care for the sick kiddo. I have just spent the past 4 days with friends and family members, some entertaining at their place (thanks Dave and Holly!) and then three days at mine. It was a blast and I loved every single minute but now I am realizing how exhausted I am. So these posts are going to be quick and to the point and without pictures so I can try to sneak in a rest time while they're napping. =)

Media Monday (a day late - sorry!)

Stitched in Time by Alicia Paulson is my recommendation for today. She is also the author of Posie Gets Cozy, which you can find in the links on the right hand side of my blog. I can't wait to start on some of the crafts. I would like to make the Birthday Banner for the kids for their birthdays this year. Then I want to make the Nutcracker Doll for my niece, Wyndham, for her upcoming birthday. She just finished her first ballet class experience and was showing me some of her moves on Saturday. After that I want to make the Family Tree with the adorable birds and then move on to any of the other projects. The pictures are beautiful, too.

Check it out!

Super Glue

2009-03-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

I took Noah to Target with me this morning. Tim wanted to vacuum the floors in the house and I had some errands to run so I figured it would be easier to get him out of the house and Tim's way.
First of all, I am blessed in that 95% of the time, my kids do great at the grocery store (and Target.) There is the 5% in which Noah runs away from me or Ellie is having a breakdown or whatever other random things may happen. But I can count on one hand the amount of times that has happened.
Today is beautiful outside. The sun is shining bright and the weather is mild. I still wouldn't quite call it "warm" but it's not freezing, so I'll take it. We have family coming tonight, friends coming tomorrow and good times ahead. My husband is cleaning the floors and my kids are in a good mood for getting not as much sleep as usual the night before. My attitude today is laid back, relax and content.
Noah and I made it through Target getting the few items we needed. We picked a lane to check-out in and waited behind a woman whose items were being scanned still. A moment later another woman got in line behind us. I was surprised to begin with because there were about 4 or 5 lanes open with one, maybe two, customers in each line. This is unsual because usually they have few lanes and lots o' customers waiting.
Anyways, the lady ahead of me noticed a bottle of soap she was buying had a leak so the cashier had to call a worker to come get another one. Then the woman handed her coupons over, but had forgotten to cut out the ones she had printed off her internet. There were only two. I am still patiently waiting, watching Noah as he looked through the impulse buy items (thankfully, he also knows not to ask for any.) The woman behind me leans in closer to me makes a snide comment about the woman not clipping out her coupons. A bit thrown off, I pretend I didn't hear her because I can't think of how to respond.
A lane opens up and the cashier yells that she can take whoever is waiting next. My items are already on the belt and I'm not in a hurry so I stay where I am. The woman behind me tells me to get in the open line. I look at her and tell her I'm fine. She gives me a dirty look and says, "Well, I'm going to take it then because I don't have all day to wait around." I watch as she huffs and puffs over to the other line. A moment later I hear her start to attack the cashier for not doing something right.
She was through the line and out the doors before Noah and me. In the car I started thinking about her. Do you ever have times where you think about the things you would have said if your mind had been working? It happens to me all the time. I think God turns off my brain and super glues my mouth shut sometimes to keep me from saying hurtful things. Don't get me wrong, I've said my share in my years, but lately it's been fewer, thank the Lord.
I would have told the woman to chill out. I would have told her to slow down a little and enjoy the nice day. I would have said that getting out of the store two minutes faster isn't going to make a difference in the whole of her day. I would have told her that I used to be a hurried, stressed out, complaining, witchy customer waiting in lines ready to jump in the next shortest one, too. I would have then explained how that negative attitude impacts how I'm feeling, my outlook on the day, how my husband and kids respond to me and what others first impressions of me were. I would have then told her how much better everything seems when you just relax and give up the control.
Then I would have danced out of Target while singing Fee's lyrics (or maybe they're Tim Hughes'): "Oh, happy day! Happy day! He washed my sins away. Oh! Happy day! Happy day! I'll never be the same. Forever I am changed!"
Good thing I was super glued or else I would have shattered everyone's ear drums...

Is It October Yet?

2009-03-13T06:56:00.002-04:00

I am very excited about this weekend. We have a lot going on, but it's a lot of fun stuff. We're visiting friends tonight. My sister-in-law and nieces are coming over tomorrow (I haven't seen them since early September and Tim hasn't seen them since May - this will be his first time even meeting Sophie!) Sunday brings our friends, Jack and Kelly and their kids, and they are spending the night with us, too! We saw them right before Christmas when they briefly stopped on the way up to Jack's parents' house but haven't had a really good, laid-back, quality visit with them in about a year and a half. Kelly is one of my closest friends from college so I'm looking forward to seeing her and actually chatting without worrying about fitting a phone call in within nap time. =)

There are many things I'm looking forward to this year. Like last year, there are lots of little babies that are going to be popping up in our lives (NOT in this household) and the first is to arrive in the next two weeks from Josh and Sara. I get another niece or nephew (we all have a "feeling" it's another girl but will find out on Wednesday when my sister has her ultrasound) in August. I have multiple friends who are pregnant right now. So exciting!

There are little things planned already throughout the year that bring a smile to my face when I think about them. My sister and I are taking my mom to a luncheon at an Herb Farm over in their area. There will be a speaker talking about gardening and how to make meals out of what you can grow in your garden. It's going to be a vegetarian luncheon made all out of things you can grow and the menu sounds amazing. Tim and I keep dreaming up our garden and what we want to plant. First we're going to have to fence off our side yard since that is the only place we get any sun. Someday we want to remove a couple trees from our backyard...when we have a couple thousand extra dollars hanging around (which will probably be a long time away.) Personally, I am not much of a gardener. I tend to kill plants. This is one reason why Tim doesn't buy me flowers, although yesterday he did surprise me by bringing home some lilies! They are so fragrant you can smell them all in the house. They're absolutely beautiful, too. Good husband. =)

Tim and I are going to take a weekend getaway at some point but the details for that haven't been discussed. We just made sure to put it on our 2009 Goals list. I will very much look forward to when that happens.

My biggest event...the one I comfort myself with the thought of whenever my kids are driving me crazy...the one I call my friend, Jen, with and say, "Is it October yet?"...comes in, well, October. Kelly, Jen and I are going to be having a little "Girls Weekend." No husbands, no kids. Just us and a moms conference. We were roommates during our sophomore year of college so it's going to be a little "reunion" in a sense for us. I attended the conference a couple years ago and really enjoyed it. They haven't been to one yet. We're all really excited for the speakers this year. I think it's going to be a refreshing weekend.

Anyone else have anything exciting they're looking forward to this year?

Friend Friday!

2009-03-13T06:42:00.003-04:00

Our Week 2 installment of Friend Friday features Lindsy. We met while attending the same church back in Grand Rapids. I'm thankful that our families have stayed in touch even after moves on both parts, even if we don't see them as often as before. Lindsy knits but it is scrapbooking that I asked her to write about because it's something she does very well. I have a hard time scrapbooking, I must admit. Lindsy also was the one to start "pestering" (or persisitently suggesting) me about using cloth diapers. After hearing from a few other people about them as well, I caved in and am now so glad I did! I admire Lindsy and hope you enjoy her as well!

I am a SAHM of three *very* active little boys ~ they are my main reason and passion behind my scrapbooking *ahem* obsession....errrr...hobby :o) I have been scrapbooking for many years though (well, maybe *many* was a stretch ~ I'm not THAT old), my mom made scrapbooks for my sister and me ~ and we loved to look through them when we were little. Once I was in high school I started my own scrapbooks (someone had to photograph the cat and rat dissections in Biology right?!?), of course I wasn't scrapping in the right way then, so unfortunately those scrapbooks won't last very long ~ however when my oldest son, Griffin, was born I learned how to scrapbook correctly (with acid-free and lignin-free products) and from there it has just grown. For Christmas I make 12x12 calendars for my parents, my sister and my in-laws, I have scrapbooked a couple of my friends' and roommate's weddings (and I am currently working on my sister's wedding scrapbook). I love to scrapbook and I don't understand how people can say that they aren't "creative" enough to scrapbook ~ believe me, if I can do it, anyone can do it! When it comes to being artistic, my sister definitely received the lion's share in our family :o)
I really enjoy being able to make scrapbooks and calendars for people ~ I think the full effect of just how important pictures are to me was when my grandpa passed away in November 2006. It was so comforting to be able to pull out lay-outs that I had made of him and my oldest two boys (my youngest son wasn't born until after Grandpa passed) and now this past August we lost another grandparent (PawPaw ~ I am making a memory album for Nana ~ it is full of lay-outs of Nana and PawPaw when they were younger as well as their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren) and my great grandmother passed away recently. It is so nice to be able to open a scrapbook and see pictures of them and to be able to share stories about them with my boys.
So needless to say one of my pet peeves is boxes and boxes of pictures just sitting ~ what good are pictures in boxes?!? :o) They need to be preserved and their stories told.
Every few months a friend and I get together and do a 24-hour scrapbooking marathon. I absolutely love it! We sleep for about 5 hours (at most) and just talk and scrapbook away ~ without kids, without husbands, without distractions ~ it is great!
I've started to make cards now so I can use up all of the scraps I save ~ I have a hard time throwing away patterned paper and cardstock, so I've been saving it in folders. But now the folders are full so I figured it was time to start using the scraps instead of collecting them :o) Some of my *lucky* family members will be getting handmade cards for their birthdays ~ but I won't say who!

Scrappy Giraffe Designs - Lindsy's scrapbooking website

Thimble Thursday

2009-03-12T14:13:00.003-04:00

This adorable hat pattern is from Amy Karol's Bend the Rules Sewing. It is called the Woodland Elf hat. The material was cheap because I bought a different kind of fabric than what the book calls for. This way it's also not so itchy on little ears.

I want to say it took me about an hour to make. I made them about a year and a half ago. I couldn't get Noah to model one for the life of me, but I think it looks a little more girly anyway. That means Ellie needs to watch out because I'm going to be making one and shoving it on her head next winter (which, hopefully, is still a long way off since we're not even really out of this one yet.)

Website Wednesday (A Day Late...)

2009-03-12T13:09:00.002-04:00

So I'm late on Website Wednesday, but I spent most of yesterday reading comments until my eyes felt like they were going fuzzy. Today you get Website Wednesday AND Thimble Thursday all on one day. Exciting, no?

Today's featured website is Reprodepot Fabrics. You can buy all kinds of fabric, patterns, books, notions and more. Most have a vintage look to them. There are also many Japanese imports. Some of the fabric are ones that you might need to save up for or splurge on.

I'm sure there are tons of fabric websites out there and if you can suggest any, I would love to know!

Welcome SITStas!

2009-03-10T21:45:00.003-04:00

I am so excited to be the featured blogger for SITS today (although I'm typing this Tuesday night.) I hope you all have a cup of hot tea (or hot cocoa, coffee, etc. - whatever your preference!) to enjoy while peeking around my blog. In my opinion, everything is better when accompanied by tea.

If you want to know a little more surrounding the author of this blog: I'm going on 6 years of marriage with my fantastic husband. I enjoy any time I can spend with him, which is something we try to make a priority. We feel the best thing we can do for our marriage and our children is to make sure our marriage comes before them. This way our kiddos are seeing a healthy marriage modeled AND realizing that they are not the center of our lives (in hopes of preventing them from growing up to be selfish stinkers.) And, really, how could I ever turn down time with the man who thinks I'm the most gorgeous woman (he must be blinded with love...)

Speaking of the kiddos, we have two children, Noah and Eleanor (Ellie.) If you have any advice for how to handle "the three's" (which have turned out to be comparable to "the terrible twos"), I welcome it. Seriously, though, my children are a joy in those moments when I'm not wanting to lock myself in the bathroom for thirty seconds of alone time. =) Who knew you could love so much? I would love to post pictures of them besides the ones on the header, but due to crazy laptop problems (see a couple posts below), they are all sitting on an external hard drive at the moment. You'll just have to trust me when I say my husband is a hottie and my kids are adorable.

My faith in the Lord is extremely important to me and I make no apologies for it. He has made me a new creation in Him and I have never known such peace and comfort in life. I am an ever changing work in progress, but my God is unchanging as He shapes me. My marriage is centered on Him and I think the most important responsibility I hold as a parent is raising my children to love and know the Lord.

Because I love to do "old lady" hobbies such as knitting, crocheting, baking and sewing, we are shaking things up a little on this blog and having "March CraftMadness" where all month long different crafty things are being featured daily. As for non-crafty things, I love reading and wish I loved working out. Our family could live in the water if given the option and when summer rolls around we spend the majority of our days outside and weekends at the beach. How much longer do I have to wait, again?

Thanks for stopping by and I will try to reply to your comments as much as naptimes allow me!

Tasty Treat Tuesday

2009-03-10T14:54:00.002-04:00

Today's recipe was given to me by my friend, Kelly. I am not sure where she got it from, but she enjoys cooking and baking so it could be from anywhere - a cookbook, magazine, cooking show, her own imagination. I am the type of person that prefers cantaloupe over honeydew, but this recipe is so delicious. You can use it to impress people, as it looks fancy and tastes elegant. It's great with a summertime meal.

HONEYDEW SOUP

3 c. cubed honeydew
1/2 c. white grape juice
1 Tbsp. sugar

*Process until smooth in blender. Refrigerate until chilled. Makes 3-4 servings. If desired, add a couple spoonfuls of the fruit dip (recipe featured below) for a creamier consistency.

FRUIT DIP

1/2 c. orange juice
1/2 c. sugar
1 egg yolk
2 Tbsp. butter
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 tub Cool Whip

*Heat juice, sugar, egg yok and butter on stovetop until thickened. If it doesn't thicken, add 1 Tbsp. cornstarch.
*When thick, add the softened cream cheese. Remove from heat.
*When mixture is cool, add the tub of Cool Whip.

Media Monday

2009-03-09T13:41:00.002-04:00

*Warning: Today's post does contain mild language due to the "b" word*

I have referenced this book often and for good reason. It is helpful and full of good patterns. Today's featured book is Stitch 'n Bitch:The Knitter's Handbook by Debbie Stoller. This is the book that really was able to get me started on knitting. She explains things in a very easy way, along with diagrams and pictures to help clarify. It is a witty book as well. And if you are slightly disturbed by the name, you can always do what a friend of mine did and write "complain" on a piece of paper and tape it over "bitch." Same concept.
You can find out more by going to the website. Also in this book grouping you can find Stitch 'n Bitch Nation (also in the knitting section of my bookshelf), Son of Stitch 'n Bitch (offering patterns and projects for men), Stitch 'n Bitch: A Knitter's Design Journal, and Stitch 'n Bitch Crochet: The Happy Hooker (another very good book for those of you who like to crochet.)

And we are not going to take the time to get into which is better - knitting or crocheting. I think both have their advantages...

Has anyone else used this book for any projects?

Lack of Lump, Lazarus, Lukewarm and Love...Crazy Love

2009-03-09T07:52:00.004-04:00

I went to my OB/GYN last week to get a second opinion on the lump (mostly to put my mom at ease since she kept calling me about it.) The doctor couldn't find it! She asked me to show her where it was and I showed her the area and she asked if I could feel it, since she wasn't coming up with anything, and I couldn't either. She said either it really was a swollen lymph node or it disappeared. Yea! I was going to post this good news over the weekend except that our computer was giving us problems, leading to the "Lazarus" part of the post title...

Our laptop was infected with a virus in November. It took us until January to realize it had been infected, we just thought it was acting funky. Then I came across an article on Yahoo!'s homepage which was describing a virus that is so bad, Microsoft is actually offering a reward if anyone can lead them to the creators of it. It described the virus and it fit perfectly with what was happening with our laptop. It tricked us into ordering what we thought was a Microsoft anti-virus, but in actuality was the virus. Argh! Any time we tried to download anything anti-virus related or system updates, it blocked them from our computer.

Thankfully, two of the guys in our small group work with computers and have been a huge help to us. Last week we bought an external hard drive and transferred all our pictures, music, documents, etc. over to it. We went to small group early and the guys helped us clear everything off our computer and start it over from scratch. After we came home Tim was up until almost midnight (I fell asleep on the couch) doing computer stuff that is beyond my knowledge to help it start over.

Friday it was working great and I got a new (safe, recommended and free) anti-virus/spyware program put on.

Saturday I came home from the gym and found Tim in a frustrated state in front of the computer. He had tried to download some Bios thing and the computer started being all funky again and then...it stopped working.

Our laptop was dead. Tim was kicking himself. I was trying to not say anything because I knew he felt bad enough. And in actuality, I am quite surprised at how calm I was. I think God has really been working on me because I thought to myself, It's just a laptop. We have all our important stuff on the external hard drive. We'll save up the money and buy a new one and until then I'll just use the one at the library when I need to. The "other Andrea" would have freaked out, crying and lamenting the ease and access to which I had a form of simple communication with the rest of the world. I'm thankful for these changes God is bringing to me because looking back it seemed silly for me to get all worked up over something like a computer.

A couple hours later, the computer started back up again! Everything worked great and we haven't had a problem with it since. Our friend, Matt, said he was glad because when Tim told him about the Bios program crashing it he said he wasn't ready to mention to Tim that those programs either work or they kill your computer for good. It sounded like our's had been a goner. So that is how our laptop has gained the name "Lazarus," which, oddly enough, was one of the passages we studied Thursday night at small group a couple weeks ago.

About some of the changes I have been experiencing in my heart...it's been scary and exhilirating all at the same time. I have been spending more time reading the Bible lately. I'm trying to read the Bible straight through in its entirety, which is actually something I've never done. This morning I started Jeremiah.
Also, in our small group we are studying the book of John. It is so refreshing to be studying the Bible with other people. Tim and I have often discussed how sad/frustrated it makes us that it seems like churches aren't really preaching the Bible anymore. Instead of studying a chunk of Scripture on Sunday morning and talking about how it's applicable to our lives, churches are doing topical studies and then throwing a verse or two in to back it up. I understand why they do this - in order to seem accessible to everyone and make it easy to understand and comfortable for new people to come in and find Christ. Then small groups are meant to go deeper, though I'm curious to see how many are actually studying the Bible or doing life-related studies.
I also finally listened to a pastor that I heard about awhile ago. His name is Francis Chan. Our friend, Matt Nash, has talked about him for a couple years ago and then my friend, Jen, mentioned him to me a couple weeks ago. Last week during one of the kids' naptimes, I watched one of his sermons on youtube. It was called "Lukewarm and Loving It." Wow, did I feel convicted afterward. I would say that I have fallen into the Lukewarm category and it was a wake-up call I needed.
Chan has also written a book called Crazy Love. So far I'm only on the fourth chapter, but it's crazy good. I would highly recommend it. Everything he writes he backs up with tons of Scripture and he really has a heart after God. The Lukewarm sermon is below and is about 40 minutes long but is really worth it.

That's about all the news for here. The kids are doing great. I actually can hear them waking up so I will have to do my Media Monday post later today.
Have a great Monday!

Friend Friday!

2009-03-06T10:19:00.004-05:00

Our first Friend Friday features one of my husband's closest friends. They were roommates in college and, after Tim and I bought our first house, he actually rented a bedroom in our basement. We had many metal projects being welded in our garage and displayed in the family room in the basement. I will say from firsthand watching, he has come so far in his experience and talent and we are proud of all the things he has accomplished in just a short time of a few years. He is a blogging machine and people value his advice and opinions. The last I checked his blog (this morning) he had 1040 followers. His wife is a budding photographer and owns her own business, Grace Designs Photography. You can check out her site through a link on the right side of this page under the Craftly Little Sites heading. She took the header picture of Noah and Ellie that was featured on my blog until recently.

I now present to you....

Tim Adam

I am a self taught metal artist, and a certified Mig welder. I started designing modern metal furniture in 2004. I built my first piece in Baltimore with my sister-in-law who is a furniture designer. I found my passion in metal and kept on designing and building. I struggled for 4 years to make a name in local galleries in the Grand Rapids Michigan area.

A friend of mine introduced me to Etsy in February of 2007, and it changed my business. I started creating a jewelry line and have not turned back. In November of 2007 I had to quit my full time job because my passion was becoming a dream come true! I am now selling all over the world through my Etsy shop. I also have wholesale accounts around the country with galleries, museums and salons. I am also a full time blogger dedicated to the handmade scene.

I now live in Louisville, Ohio with my beautiful wife and our Jack russel, Sadie. I am currently studying to be a photographer, so i can be my wife's second shooter in her upcoming weddings in 2009.

Make sure you stop by Tim's websites!

Enjoy your weekend! Over the weekend I will do a family update to let you know some good news I received this week. Don't forget to stop back Monday for Media Monday as we continue March CraftMadness.

Thimble Thursday

2009-03-05T07:33:00.003-05:00

Today's project does not require a thimble, or even sewing, but the name of the post remains. =)

The Umbilical Cord hat.

You can find the pattern in the book Stitch 'N Bitch by Debbie Stoller. This is my go-to book for all help knitting related. She describes everything in an easy to understand way and there are many cute and simple patterns to help get you started if you want to pursue knitting.

Rachel made the hat at the top for Noah. Doesn't he look absolutely adorable in it? I was so sad when his head became too large for it. The middle picture is of Owen, who is the son of our friends Jack and Kelly. That was three years ago. The last picture is Ellie on the day she is born.
The Umbilical Cord hat has become my staple baby gift. It's quick and easy to make, which is always a plus now that I have two small children. Sometimes I modify mine and don't make the I-cord on the top as long and skip knotting it. When knit like this in the color brown (I did one for my nephew, Ross) it looks like an acorn, which has led to it being nicknamed the "acorn cap" in our household.
It's really a fun project!

Website Wednesday

2009-03-04T11:32:00.003-05:00

What better way to kick off our first Website Wednesday during Craft Month than with the Mother of all crafty handmade sites?

Etsy.

For those of you who have been living under a rock and have not heard of it, Etsy is a place where you can sell homemade items, buy homemade items or spend hours upon hours browsing through beautiful items. They have just about anything and everything handmade that you are looking for. Food? Got it. Vintage jewelry? Check. Art made of wood, metal, plastic, etc.? Find it there.
I have a couple friends who sell items on Etsy. My friend, Rachel, has an etsy shop. You will find out more about her on a Friend Friday, but her etsy store is where she has sold beautiful jewelry. She made me a pair of earrings and a necklace and I get compliments every time I wear them.
Our friend, Tim, also has one and I tell you what, he has made a name for himself in the Etsy world. If you are ever looking for help or advice when it comes to selling on Etsy, get ahold of him. He has websites and tutorials devoted to it.

Have fun exploring Etsy, but beware - it's addictive.

Has anyone bought or sold anything on Etsy? Are there certain sellers you like to check in on?